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I Can Make You Hot!: The Supermodel Diet (by Kelly Killoren Bensimon) -- Part Two

I hope you all have taken full advantage of the past 48 hours or so to regain some sense of normalcy after our adventures through Part 1 of Kelly Killoren Bensimon's I Can Make You Hot! Without further ado, Part Two:
I resume my journey through the truly incomprehensible mind of Kelly Bensimon with a chapter entitled, "Thursday: Tricks of My Trade." Now that we've learned about the basic building blocks of hotness, Kelly promises to share even more hard-earned advice to help us really kick things up a notch. And, as she reassures us:
I'm actually glad for the mistakes I've made because anyone who doesn't make mistakes doesn't learn, and if you don't learn, you're boring!
And if you're boring, you're not HOT! I think I'm starting to get the hang of this!
One of Kelly's most important life lessons came at her first horse show, when she made an unbelievably devastating misstep: "I decided to have an egg on a bagel from the food-service van." What kind of unimaginable ripple effects did this poor decision set off? I continue on to learn that Kelly "did all right in the competition." And…that's literally the whole story. Kelly legitimately refers to this as "one of my biggest lessons," as it taught her "to never eat more than I normally would." If life-changing breakthroughs were this easily sparked in my own life, I can't even begin to imagine how self-actualized I would be at this point.
At this point in my reading, I have reached the book's first insert, which contains about a dozen glossy color photos from various phases of Kelly's life. Unfortunately, I am far too preoccupied by this picture, in which a carefree, wind-swept Kelly clenches her infant daughter under one arm with all the grace of an NFL wide receiver, to pay the rest of the spread much mind.
We continue on as Kelly introduces new dimensions to the basic tips she's previously introduced. For example, you may have had some vague idea that water was important, but Kelly -- always there to help us learn and improve -- digs into the specifics to make sure we're up to date on the HOTtest tricks of the trade:
Staying hydrated is important no matter what you're doing, so I always try to drink eight glasses or about a liter of water a day. Soda isn't water. Coffee isn't water. Water is water. Drink throughout the day; don't try to get it all down at once. You wouldn't drown an orchid, so don't drown yourself.
I am putting in my formal request for a Public Service Announcement in this format, but using the last line of that passage. Also, Kelly clearly does not know how poorly I tend to my houseplants.
The next page informs us that, "hot isn't just caliente; it's also spicy and sultry." Kelly promptly launches into yet another list of miscellaneous grocery items, this time focused specifically on "red-hot foods." Except it includes entries like "popcorn with sugar and cinnamon," and "Mike and Ike candy," so I'm not convinced Kelly didn't just lose track of the thread entirely by the time we got a few items in. However, this does seem like an appropriate time to introduce this picture, from the book's second photo insert, which clearly depicts the sleep paralysis demon that has haunted my dreams for the past several nights. We're also treated to this chapter's first "hot button issue" panel, in which Kelly pulls back the curtain on the shadowy, pro-salt cabal trying to control us all with their anti-sodium legislative agenda:
We keep reading about how bad sodium is for our health, but if you eat fresh foods that you prepare yourself, you can determine and control the amount of salt you want to use. I, Kelly Killoren Bensimon, am perfectly capable of deciding how much salt I want to put on my food. I don't need anyone else to salt my food for me. I know that the amount of salt I choose to sprinkle on my food is not going to hurt me.
I read on to find a two-page spread in which Kelly expounds, in rhapsodic praise to rival that of Song of Solomon, upon her ardor for her beloved dehydrator -- "I though I was in love with coffee, but now I think my dehydrator is my truest love." Most of the passage is taken up by an unstructured list of the various things Kelly has attempted to dehydrate ("cucumber," "mangoes," "avocado") but she does manage to squeeze in a few infomercial-ready lines -- "Really, you should buy one; I promise you won't be sorry."
Since repetition is the key to reinforcing new concepts, I appreciate that Kelly's next list (of "a few more lean tricks I've learned along the way") repeats a note she originally relayed to us just a few pages ago:
Drink water throughout the day (not all at one sitting).
She's also been thoughtful enough to provide a list of resources for us to use as we soldier on along the perilous journey to HOT. After all, as Kelly says, "I don’t expect you to carry this book wherever you go -- as much as I would love that." As someone who has never before ventured into the wild world of cyberspace, I really appreciated Kelly introducing me to so many fun, useful websites that I might want to check out! In case you, too, just haven't figured out how to navigate this whole Internet thing, I've included a few examples below:
www.amazon.com
One-stop shopping for just about any book, periodical, or product you might want to read or buy in order to get HOT.

www.espn.com
Everything you need to know to stay up to date on any sport.

www.webmd.com
Useful, up-to-date, trustworthy information on medical and health issues.

www.yummly.com
Claims to have "every recipe in the world"
Can't wait to check these out later! That Amazon one sounds super cool!
I'm reminded quickly just how inelegant the transitions in this book are as we move directly from that list into the following:
I suggest that you take a picture of yourself every day…Some days when you're feeling your fattest, you may be surprised to see that you really look great.
Okay, so fat is NOT HOT. Except being comfortable in your body is HOT. And trying to be skinny is NOT HOT. But being skinny is HOT. Thank goodness I still have a few more chapters to go -- I clearly still have a ways to go before I truly understand the logic of HOTness. As it stands, I must admit that I'm a bit baffled.
Of course, returning to the previous bit of advice, Kelly doesn't actually have to worry about taking her own pictures like us plebeians -- "Having been photographed so often has provided me with a permanent retrospective catalogue of my life." The chapter closes with these words of wisdom:
The best kind of vanity is being vain about what you put in your body.
Friday's chapter promises to introduce us to the world of "Hot Couture," and I am excited to see what tips and tricks Kelly has managed to accrue over her lifetime in the cutthroat world of modeling . But first, we abruptly transition to a story about Kelly meeting Madonna shortly after both women had given birth. Kelly had "gained a healthy fifty pounds," which I am led to believe, from the context of the anecdote, is NOT HOT. Madonna, on the other hand, was "flat-stomached" and therefore "HOT and cool." Of course, Kelly reassures us hurriedly that she lost all the weight within the following six weeks and was "actually thinner than I'd been prepregnancy." I am at an utter loss as to what the point of this story could possibly be, but -- blessedly -- Kelly is gracious enough to explain:
So what's the lesson here? That Madonna had personal trainers and chefs to whip her back into shape, and I didn't -- and still don’t. I shouldn't have been comparing myself to her in the first place. My advice to you is: don’t compare yourself to anyone else, only to your own personal best.
This is a perfect example of something Kelly does throughout this book, which is to present a completely reasonable piece of advice (don’t compare yourself to others), but couched within such a bizarre and logically disorganized narrative that by the time I reach the ultimate moral of the story, my brain feels like it's been run through a series of meat grinders, and I'm reduced to just nodding along in bemused acceptance.
We get a "Kelly's Cardinal Rule" reminding us to "let your body be what your body is and be happy with what you've got." I'm starting to wonder if there is some sort of Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde thing going on behind the scenes here, in which two versions of Kelly are frantically grappling over control of the book's body-positivity dial. I'm literally don't even have to flip the page to see Kelly commiserating with us that "we all have days or occasions when we feel fat" and quipping about her "go-to fat outfit." But also:
Stop praying for what you don't have and be grateful for what you've got.
This amount of cognitive dissonance is truly proof that Kelly contains multitudes. Or has recently acquired some sort of debilitating short-term amnesia. Nevertheless, we continue:
But whatever your shape, show it off. Don’t try to hide it. Hiding is not hot.
Kelly next walks us through figuring out which "season" we are, based on the wisdom extolled in "Color Me Beautiful, the groundbreaking book that was so wildly successful in the early 80s." It's no surprise to me that Kelly, who earlier encouraged us to make our lives easier by using our PDAs, finds this to be an exciting new trend to share. Also, in case you weren't aware, "hair color is also important. You can lighten it or darken it or cover the gray." Lighten it or darken it? The boundaries of my mental universe are truly expanding.
Some more fashion tidbits:
Scarves are hippie chic, cool, and always HOT.

If you're narrow, show off how narrow you are with a monochromatic palette.

Ankles are the new cleavage!
Narrow ankles only, I presume. Kelly's selfless, giving nature is highlighted yet again in the following passage, in which she explains:
All these celebrities have stylists who pull the clothes, accessories, and shoes that make them look the way they do. They charge a lot of money for what they do, so why not get some free advice based on my experience.
And what, pray tell, is this coveted advice that Kelly is so lovingly sharing with her readers, free of charge?
  1. Save sweatpants for the gym.
  2. Save PJs for the bedroom.
  3. Dress as if you were the boss.
  4. Remember what Carrie Bradshaw says: "Nothing is casual anymore, even when it says so on the invitation."
  5. Manolo Blahniks are a girl's best friend.
Okay, so far be it from me to complain about the quality of free advice. But. Out of the five pearls of wisdom that make up the "KKBStyle Rules," two of them are rudimentary instructions to wear somewhat-situationally-appropriate clothing, and the other three are the kind of cute sayings that you would find on a piece of poorly bedazzled wall art in the clearance aisle of your local TJMaxx. I'm not impressed.
Kelly next tells us how important it is to eat well and exercise, even "when you're premenstrual or having your period." That way, as she continues on, "you'll feel better because your endorphins will be flowing while your body is sloughing off unwanted endometrium and mucus." To be fair, Unwanted Endometrium does sound like a sick band name.
Thankfully, the mental image of Kelly's mucus slough is promptly booted from my mind by a careening diatribe about the color red (HOT!):
I even painted my nails red the minute I started writing this book. I wanted to see my short red nails tapping away on my Macbook Pro. Almost every red dress is smokin' HOT, and I've never met a guy who doesn't think a woman in a red dress isn't hot. He's a liar if he denies it.
To repeat, Kelly says she's "never met a guy who doesn’t think a woman in a red dress isn't hot." Poor dear got a bit carried away with her negatives, but I'm sure she'll redeem herself in no time:
When I was sitting in the front row of a Marc Jacobs fashion show a few years ago, I wore a full, red short skirt, a tight red sweater, and red open-toed shoes. One of the editors from The New York Times was sitting across from me, and as we were waiting for the show to begin I kept crossing and recrossing my legs to make him laugh.
Sure, Kelly. To make him laugh. I can only assume she must have written some kind of hilariously clever joke on the gusset of her underwear to have had this editor so tickled pink red.
It was a long wait and after a while some guy I didn't know who was at the other end of the row, leapt towards me and screamed that he was obsessed with my feet. How crazy is it that red open-toed shoes and red toenails could create such a reaction. Red is HOT, even stalker HOT. Yikes!
I'm not clear where "stalker HOT" fits into this whole complex web, but it's reassuring to know that a wise soul like Kelly has such a nuanced appreciation of all of the different ways to be hot. She also gives us some "HOT tips for heating up your image." Like,
Put on a pair of jeans and a white tee shirt.

Put your hair in a ponytail.

Put on a pair of hoop earrings.
And also
Wear your jeans a size smaller instead of a size larger.
For some reason not entirely clear to me at this moment, wearing jeans in your actual size does not seem to be an option.
The chapter continues with a reminder to "remember what's on top of your head!"
There's nothing hotter than a HOT head of hair (unless it's a hunky bald guy).
Kelly follows up by offering a list of what she calls "HOT healthy options." Based on the preceding paragraph, you might assume that these tips would have something to do with haircare and hair styling. However, you would be wrong. Instead, we're instructed to:
Enjoy as much watermelon as you like.

Pack a picnic lunch of dehydrated fruit, chamomile iced tea, and mini pizzas made with corn tortillas, cherry tomatoes, and mozzarella cheese. Eat your picnic in the park.

Come up with something fun you want to try and do it!
Personally, it seems like a bit of a cop-out to make one of the items on your list of fun things to do "make up your own fun thing to do." But who knows? Maybe cop-outs are HOT!
Before my faith in our fearless leader starts to waver, however, I read on through the end of the chapter, and my surety is promptly restored:
Besides my hair and my legs, the one thing people always ask me about the way I look is how I keep my teeth so white. And yes, that's also a matter of genetics. I'm blessed with the whitest teeth on the planet, and, no, I've never had them professionally bleached.
The weekend begins as I turn the page to the penultimate chapter -- "Saturday: Heat Up Your HOT Image with Healthy Options Today." Saturdays, as Kelly tells us, are for fun activities. For example:
If you're in the mall, go to different stores and figure out which looks will make you HOT. Ask other shoppers for advice.
Also:
Parks are great for people-watching. Who looks fit and healthy?
I sincerely hope that any and all of my friends would give me a stern talking-to if I informed them that my weekend plans consisted of going to a park and…pointing out people I think aren't healthy enough?
Kelly then warns us against overindulging on late-night snacks or alcoholic beverages, lest we wake up Sunday feeling "bloating, sluggish, and with deep regrets." Presumably, Kelly then proceeded to rail a massive line of cocaine and hammer out the following frenetic spiel:
You're not going to get fat from having a few drinks a week. You will get fat if your routine is to drink, eat late, and then lie around watching television the next day, eating and making bad food choices. Going out is fun, but when you sacrifice the next day, it's never fun enough. Don't have regrets; enjoy every day. This is a life plan, and yesterday isn't coming back ever again.
The chapter comes to a close with a reminder to "wrap up every day with a great big bow and be ready for your next adventure. But before we close out our week of HOT, we're provided with what I anticipate will be an incredibly useful reference material for us all, the "KKBfit HOT Quiz." If you'd like to take the quiz yourself, you can find it here. However, I'm not entirely sure I would classify it as a "quiz," since it seems to be mostly a set of questions followed by Kelly's feedback on various possible responses. For example:
  1. How Kelly Green are you?
I had a Kelly Green Juice -- Wasn't it yummy?
I had a smoothie from the health food store with a splash of spinach -- Great choice!
I had kale chips, spinach, and quinoa for dinner last night -- I bet you woke up feeling great this morning!
Other?
I presume that the lack of response after the "Other?" choice is supposed to represent Kelly staring at me in deranged disappointment for a few painfully protracted seconds. Some questions, like the one above, don't seem to have any wrong answers at all. In contrast, other questions have clear wrong answers, which Kelly wastes no time in making apparent:
  1. Are you getting enough protein? How many days did you eat chicken, fish, or meat for at least one meal?
I had a grilled chicken salad for dinner on three different days -- That's good, but I wish you'd get a little more adventurous in your choices.

  1. How KKBfit are you?
Haven't had a meal since last night, but I'm going to skip breakfast and go on a run. I won't eat anything until lunch. -- Sorry, but starving your body is not KKBfit.

  1. Are you drinking enough?
I drink when I'm exercising but that's about it -- Not good enough! Try harder next week.
The quiz ends, leaving me entirely unsure of whether or not I've actually made any forward progress towards my HOTness goals, but the next page does promise help for those who "still need more inspiration." Here, it seems that Kelly has compiled a loose assortment of quotes, most of which (I have a sneaking suspicion) were found by searching the keyword "hot" on BrainyQuote.com. Also, this masterpiece from Kelly's ex-husband, noted fashion photographer Gilles Bensimon:
HOT--
It is not about the look,
It is not only about the charm,
It is the perfect combination:
Sweet and tough,
Sexy and reserved,
Fragile and powerful,
And definitely smart.
-- Gilles Bensimon
Move over, Rupi Kaur! I hope with every fiber of my being that Gilles Bensimon has published his collected poetry in some kind of volume that I could purchase, read, and have, I'm sure, nothing but positive things to say about. After about a dozen similar quotations, Kelly continues:
Now, as you get ready for Sunday Funday, take a few minutes to think about how you define HOT. Has your definition changed or evolved since you started reading this book? If so, I'm doing my job.
In all honesty, my definition of HOT has definitely been…affected by this experience. So we'll call that a win! Kelly tells us a few stories about times when her friends and family members have come to her for guidance on how to be hot. She explains:
I'm not the food police, but I've made myself the Sven-arbiter (as opposed to Svengali) of what's HOT and what's not.
Case in point:
It's just not hot to belong to the clean plate club.
The chapter closes with a list titled "Why Don't You," which I believe is supposed to be a list of fun activities we can try during a Sunday Funday. Or possibly a list of terrible life hacks for stoned college freshmen:
Use an electric teapot as a clothing steamer.

Make grilled cheese sandwiches or press wraps using a hot clothes iron.
There are very few things sadder to me that imagining someone taking Kelly up on this last bit of advice as a fun way to liven up what must be the most preternaturally boring existence possible. If your idea of fun is white bread and Kraft Singles getting slowly warmed over on your clothing iron, I can only imagine the fit of hysterics that you'd be thrown into by a passable Minions meme.
And that brings us to the end of the week. But not -- lucky you! -- to the end of this book. Au contraire -- the remaining 100 pages or so of I Can Make You Hot! feature dozens of unique recipes from the culinary mind of none other than the indomitable Kelly Bensimon herself. In her intro, however, she makes it clear that
No one on earth would ever call me a chef.
Of course not, Kelly -- they'd call you a cook. Otherwise, it's creepy.
This portion of the book begins, reasonably enough, with Breakfasts. These include such thoughtfully named delicacies as "My Favorite Cereal" and "My Favorite Pancakes." The recipe for the latter begins with the following introduction:
I'm not the greatest pancake maker, and I probably never will be. But what I am very good at is thinking of unusual things and doing them.
Frankly, I can't argue with that. As she continues:
When in pancake doubt, have fun, add fruit, and see if pancakes can be a vehicle for creating great memories for your family.
Next time I'm in pancake doubt, I'll know just what to do! We move right along into the Soups and Salads section, and are promptly introduced to Kelly's "Jimmy Achoo's Chicken Soup." Which is apparently a play on Jimmy Choo and also described by Kelly as "filled with veggie exploitation," which sounds terrifying. Of the next recipe, "Rich and Skinny Cauliflower Soup with Kale Chips," Kelly reflects:
I adapted this recipe from one I found on the Internet. I wish I could tell you exactly where, but I can't.
The recipe calls for kale chips, which Kelly goes out of her way to inform us can be purchased "at health food stores and many well-stocked supermarkets." We also get a few general "HOT salad tips" that can be applied to many of the recipes throughout this book, such as
There are so many different types of lettuces available today! Try different ones to see which you like best
and
When you order a salad in a restaurant, ask for the dressing on the side. You're a grown-up and you should get to decide how much you want to use.
With that under our belts, the grown-ups among us move on to "Meat, Chicken, and Fish." In her recipe for "Grilled Rib Eye with Herbes de Provence", Kelly tells us about meeting the famous chef who inspired this dish:
When I met Eric, who was still in his thirties at the time, he still had dark hair. I was caught off guard because I thought all chefs were older, had gray hair, and smelled like garlic.
So perhaps Bethenny should have taken it as a compliment? Kelly continues,
He's since invited me many times to go into his kitchen and cook with him, but my fear of losing a finger by being overzealous has prohibited me from accepting.
It's unclear to me exactly what this means or why Kelly would even be particularly worried about this possibility. Does she have habit of excitedly snatching vegetables out from other people's knives? Does Eric have a reputation for slicing anyone who dares to get in his way? Before I make any headway with this particular mystery, we're introduced to the next recipe, the "Pencil-Thin Skirt Steak." As we learn, "Everyone looks slim in a pencil skirt, so it's only fitting that skirt steak is one of the leanest cuts of beef you can buy." We get a recipe for "Sultry Roast Chicken" in which Kelly shares with us that "in fact, chicken without ginger doesn't taste like chicken to me anymore." This would be more believable if we weren't, a mere two pages later, introduced to a notably ginger-free recipe for "Second-Chance Chicken." As Kelly explains,
I hate the idea of leftovers. To me, eating leftovers means you're too lazy to start over, and I've never wanted my girls to think that we weren't starting fresh.
In the introduction to the recipe for "Bad Girl Wings," Kelly gives us yet another poignant insight into her life as a mother:
These chicken wings are Sea's favorite. I'm sure she loves them because she knows I love wings (she's a cutie like that).
It would obviously be ludicrous to assume that Sea actually enjoys chicken wings authentically. Much more likely that she just loves them because Kelly does. HOT! In a segment labeled "hasta la vista taco bell," Kelly recounts a traumatic experience in which she "discovered that my favorite food choices [at Taco Bell] added up to 580 calories." To me, this seems like a perfectly reasonable amount of calories for one daily meal out of three, but according to Kelly, I am embarrassingly off the mark. Rather, she sighs, "I guess that means my Taco Bell days are over -- unless I decide to chance [sic] Sunday Funday into Fatso Food Day." Not HOT.
Kelly tells us about the creative process behind the development of the next recipe, "Spicy Sultry Shrimp and Mango Stir-Fry" (which, for the record, is the second recipe to have the word "sultry" in its title).
This was one of the first dishes I made when I started to cook -- as a science experiment. My "method" was to think of foods I loved and which ones I thought would go well together.
Fascinating! Think of ingredients you like and combine them into a dish that you will then likely also like! The next recipe, for "Kelly's Kalamari," features the following introduction:
I still love fried calamari, but it doesn't love me. Whenever I eat it, it goes right to my stomach and makes a little pooch -- eww!
As a reminder, this is the same Kelly Bensimon who told us that loving our bodies is HOT and dieting is die + t. But also, eww!
We trek along into the next portion of the recipe book, succinctly titled "Pizza, Pasta, Potatoes, Grains, Vegetables, and Sides." We get a recipe for "Pizzzzzzzza!," which instructs the reader to obtain pizza dough, pizza sauce, mozzerella cheese, salt and pepper. Spread out the dough, add sauce and cheese, and cook! This is yet another time I'm glad Kelly told us early on in this book to take detailed notes -- these kinds of nuanced culinary creations can only come from the mind of a true master.
The same kind of true master who would, as we soon learn, conceive of this particular travesty -- "Pink Pizza." Imagine with me, for a moment, that a dear friend invites you over to their house for dinner. I'm making pizza! they implore you. Come over -- we'll hang out, have a couple beers, catch up on old times! Excited for a chance to relive the glory days, you eagerly accept, only to be met -- upon your arrival -- with this abomination. I thought you said we were having pizza? you sputter nervously. This is pizza, your friend intones, as their eyes slowly fade to black and their hands reach out to wrap themselves around your throat.
Kelly goes on to share a recipe for an "Asian-flavored noodle dish" that she has christened (and it truly pains me to type this), "Me Love You Springtime Noodles." Somewhere, the last ember of hope for humanity quietly fizzles out.
The following recipe, for "Pasta with Oddkavodka Sauce" begins with a warning:
When you make this (especially for children) just be sure you cook off the alcohol so that you aren't serving vodka to minors or have to assign a designated driver for your guests.
This seems like reasonable and conscientious advice. Until I read on and learn that the recipe calls for 1/8 cup vodka, and makes four servings. If your guests need a designated driver after consuming a half-tablespoon of vodka each, I would strongly encourage them to seek medical advice forthwith.
I am reminded once again how different Kelly's and my worlds are with the following exclamation:
Try using quinoa in this recipe instead of the rice -- I call that having your cake and eating it too!
Oh, to live a life in which your most selfish indulgence was quinoa. I suppose this should have prepared me for a few pages later, when Kelly remarks:
Both hummus and guacamole make great toppings for steak or fish. They're my version of béarnaise sauce.
I love hummus. Hummus is great. But there is no possible existing parallel universe in which hummus and béarnaise sauce are interchangeable. One of the final recipes in this section is cryptically titled "Have an Impromptu Pepper Party" and instructs the reader to scoop out the insides of a bell pepper and stuff it with "whatever ingredients suit your fancy." Again, I feel like this fails to meet the definition of an actual recipe, per se, but it is supposedly "quick, fun, and satisfying."
We're nearing the book's end (for real this time) with a section on "Breads and Desserts." This includes an inspirational passage in which Kelly shares a personal anecdote:
On Season 4 of the Real Housewives of New York City, I made a mixed fruit pie for my kids with what was left over in the fruit bowl…Don't be afraid to try new things, make mistakes, and have fun doing it.
I can only hope to someday be brave enough and fearless enough to make a mixed fruit pie.
Blessedly, the final section , titled "Beverages", looks like it might have exactly what I need in the aftermath of finishing this book. The "GIN-Ginger Beertail," for example, which "was originally made with gin, but I don't like serving gin drinks because I think it makes people mean." We also get a recipe for something called "Babylove," which (thankfully) seems unrelated to another of my favorite reality TV cesspools.
It only seems appropriate to share the final recipe of I Can Make You Hot! with all of you. I will definitely be downing approximately seven of these tonight, and I hope some of you will be joining me in spirit. Cheers:
Gummi Bear Martini
If you don't have a paper umbrella handy, Gummi Bears are a great way to put more fun in your drink.
Makes 1 Drink
2 parts orange, grape, or other-flavored vodka
1 part Triple Sec
1 part white grape juice
Splash of cranberry juice
Gummi Bears, as many as you like
Combine the vodka, Triple Sec, grape juice, and cranberry juice in a tall glass. Add ice and fill the glass with Gummi Bears.
ETA: I am so disappointed in myself for forgetting to include that Kelly has a ceviche recipe that instructs you to marinate raw fish in lemon juice for exactly two minutes before serving. In the interest of food safety, perhaps it was for the best that this nugget momentarily slipped my mind, but sharing this information with you all is the burden I have been cursed to bear. 🙏🏼
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In a 1920 game against the Rock Island Independents, Decatur Staleys (Bears) center George Trafton injured four players and was chased out of the city by angry fans. This sparked a feud between a Rock Island sportswriter and an Iowa newspaper.

What is the dirtiest NFL game you've ever seen? How many incidents did it feature? How many of them saw repeat offenders? Regardless of the answer, it's probably not as chaotic as what happened one November day in 1920.
On November 7, 1920, the Decatur Staleys (now Chicago Bears) visited Rock Island to take on the Independents. The Staleys' center George Trafton, wearing lucky #13, had himself a fairly eventful day. Not just game, but day. Considered one of the NFL's meanest players of his time, Trafton was involved in numerous incidents that took out Rock Island players, resulting in him having to get out of the city with his life on the line.
Think that sounds wild? Well, you can count on the media to make things even crazier as two newspapers eventually battled it out in their articles over the matter. In fact, their beef is probably funnier than the original story that sparked it since it takes up more than half this writeup.
Trafton was a very interesting man. So interesting, in fact, that just giving a summary of his career in this post is not enough, so expect a more fleshed-out bio on him in the future. For now, I'll just give the following rundown: 1964 Pro Football Hall of Famer, the first center to snap the ball with one hand, and perhaps the nastiest player of the era. In fact, his reputation was probably already set just months into the NFL's first season of existence.

Game Day

November 7, 1920 in Douglas Park. The 5–0 Staleys went to Rock Island, Illinois for their second-ever game against the 5–1 Independents. The two teams had met earlier in the year, with Decatur winning 7–0.[1]
The Independents entered the game without team captain Rube Ursella, fullback Arnie Wyman, and tackle Walt Buland due to injuries.[2]
Rock Island won the coin toss and received. With Wyman out, backup Fred Chicken and quarterback Sid Nichols tried to penetrate the Decatur lines, but neither could not get any offensive momentum going. For the Staleys, Dutch Sternaman and Jimmy Conzelman led the way, yet also couldn't score. On one play, Sternaman broke through for a first down before Chicken pushed him out of bounds; Nichols injured his left knee on the play and was replaced by Ursella.[2]
In a 1985 article for The Coffin Corner, Pro Football Hall of Fame executive Don Smith wrote Trafton had received word of the Independents assigning a player to try to take him out (like a goon in hockey). Said player was eliminated early in the game. While the player's identity was never specified, it would line up with the time of Nichols' injury and the ensuing events.[3] The Rock Island Argus' Bruce Copeland also described Nichols as being "marked, to all intents and purposes."[2] Since Nichols was only 5'7" and weighed just 177 pounds, while Trafton stood at 6'2" and 230 pounds, having him as your goon was probably not a good idea in the first place.
Shortly after the injury, Rock Island punted to begin the second quarter. Sternaman recorded a five-yard run before play was stopped again for another hurt Independent; this time, Hal Gunderson was down. According to Copeland, after the whistle blew, Trafton swooped in and his knee slammed into Gunderson's left eye.[2] The Professional Football Researchers Association's description of the incident elaborated it occurred as the players were piled up, which suggested it was more incidental than intentional, but either way, it nearly took Gunderson's head off and forced him to have multiple stitches under his eye.[4]
Umpire John "Stub" Barron attempted to eject Trafton for the injury, but referee Williams decided against it and ruled it was accidental. Had the penalty stood, in addition to Trafton's ejection, it would have resulted in the yards becoming half the distance to the goal. Ursella and teammate Bob Marshall protested the case, causing an eight-minute delay in the game. After a conversation with coach/captain George Halas, Williams decided to issue a "Running into opponents" penalty of ten yards. Gunderson was eventually carried off the field and replaced by Freeman Fitzgerald, while Charlie Mockmore took over Fitzgerald's slot at guard.[5]
With Mockmore blocking, Chicken continued to push through on the ground. On one play, Mockmore knocked Trafton aside and hurt Staleys player Jerry Jones, forcing Decatur to call a timeout.[5]
A few plays later, Chicken became the next Rock Island player to suffer an injury. In a 1967 journal entry for the Chicago Tribune, Halas described the incident as follows: Trafton was chasing down Chicken and clobbered him, sending him out of bounds and into a wooden fence along the sideline, breaking his leg in the impact.[6] He was helped off the field to applause from the stands.[5]
At this point, Trafton had injured three players, though The Davenport Democrat and Leader pointed out he was also involved in Okie Smith's third quarter knee injury, making it four victims.[7] Needless to say, the Rock Island crowd was not going to be happy with him. As for the game itself, neither team could score as it ended with a 0–0 tie.
In other news, part of the stadium's bleachers collapsed during the game. Unlike the players on the field, no one was harmed.[8]

Escape from the City

Put yourself in the shoes of a Rock Island fan. Your team was involved in a tie, particularly a scoreless tie, and one of the other team's players injured three, if not four of your guys. You would probably be pissed, and Independents fans that day definitely were.
As the fourth quarter progressed, Trafton noticed the spectators were becoming more rabid, hurling insults at him. He consulted Halas about the situation, who told him that when the game ended, he was to report to the bench.[6]
The center obeyed, running to the bench and meeting up with trainer Andy Lotshaw when the game came to a close. Lotshaw gave him a sweatshirt and told him to wear it over his jersey to hide his number. Trafton also grabbed a milk bottle, which was being used as the team's water jug, as a self-defensive measure. Since the team took taxis to and from the game, one was already waiting for him.[6]
Spotting the exit, Trafton made a dash for it and spotted the cab. He hopped in the back seat and joined some of his teammates, but the driver could not get away before rocks and soda bottles suddenly smashed through the windows and pelted them, forcing Trafton to escape by another means: on foot. Everyone else in the car was unharmed.[6]
He scrambled out of the taxi and started running. After about 200 yards, a blue Mercer pulled up to him; the driver, who had not seen the game, asked him where he was going. Trafton responded Davenport, Iowa and that he was "in a heluva hurry!"[6]
The driver told him to get in before driving off.

Battle of the Newspapers

The Sportscope Speaks Out

Today, sportswriters are expected to maintain a semblance of professionalism regardless of whether they are writing game recaps or offering their opinions.
Well, unless you're Bruce Copeland. He did not hold back when writing about the Staleys and Trafton in his Sportscope column. In an article titled "Staleys Win World's Dirt Title." that was published the day after the game, he wrote:[2]
Stone-age football tactics, by which the ancient cave-dwellers sought to hold their own by sheer brute force, threaten to lock all gateways of clean sportsmanship to the Staley Athletic club after the flagrant exhibition of rowdyism against the Independents yesterday at Douglas park.
The fact that three Independents are crippled seriously today are the result of such disgraceful tactics of a team composed of players from several of the most reputable colleges in the country is obvious that their fate was premeditated and injuries imposed with wanton execution.
With a foul player like Trafton, the Staley's best gutter champion, roaming the field at large against teams whose ideals are cloaked in nothing but clean sport—win or lose strictly upon one's merits—the Staleys wills soon find the best professional elevens in the country turning their backs on them.
No team in the country will book games that will virtually endanger the lives of its players. Still, several sporty teams have suffered greatly at the hands of the Staleys. Ursella and [Walt] Buland have been out of the game for three works as a result of foul play in the previous game at Douglas park. Yesterday the Staleys eliminated four others.
Such tactics must cease or the Staley A. C. won't be able to meet a decent football team. One thing is certain: no matter who are what they become in professional football, they will never get another chance with Rock Island.
When discussing the penalties, he even accused Trafton of attempted murder:
The fact that the Staleys were penalized for a total of 40 yards for unnecessary roughness indicates that they were out to get all the Independents they could and put them out of the game. Nothing could have been more obvious. Their dirty tactics point to a premeditated system for disposing of the Islanders as quickly as possible.
Hard football cannot be classed with foul football. They are distinctive. There is no complaint from a good sportsman who is struck with injurious effect when such is necessary to keep him from advancing. But when it is clear that a runner cannot advance the ball after being downed, it is murderous to pile up on him or otherwise jeopardize his life by such tactics as Trafton used yesterday to put Gunderson out of the game.
Muckers is not the word for such miscreants, who literally seek an opposing player's life. Today, Gunderson is out of the game for three weeks with 11 stitches over his left eye, two stitches in his under lip and a broken left hand. Lying prone as he was, it is only a miracle that a big brute like Crafton [sic] didn't finish his foul determination and kill Gunderson.
Copeland eventually turned his ire on the officials, particularly Williams while voicing his support for Barron:
Umpire "Stub" Barron was the official who called the foul on Trafton. His penalty, under the rules, was to disqualify the player and penalize the Staleys half the distance to their goal line; which he did. Naturally, the Staleys raised a great howl that Trafton's violation of the rules had been purely unintentional. However, they did not stop to think that no knowledge of the law may be given as an excuse.
Williams, who had refereed the previous game, was completely dominated by the Staley team. At one time during the argument that ensued he was heard to remark to Captain Halas:
"Don't worry; I am looking out for our own interests."
The remark was overheard by a Rock Island player who was lying near the men as they passed. The fact that Williams finally compromised by penalizing the Staleys only 10 yards for “running into opponents” proved there was at least some ground for the conviction that Trafton's violation had been intentional and should have been within the jurisdiction of section 1 of rule 23 of the football code.
Umpire Barron called the penalty as it should have been. There was noting [sic] else for him to do, as it was entire unnecessary for Trafton to have been in the play. The Staleys claim that Trafton had stumbled over the pile-up. If he had merely stumbled, he would have gone on and over Gunderson, without sliding and cutting his face almost to ribbons.
Such bandits should remember that there are eyes on every field that can detect such gross insults to the name of fair sport, and football brains that can discern between intentional and unintentional fouls.
By the end of his rant, the lone Decatur player Copeland did not target was quarterback Pard Pearce.
Pearce, always a gentleman, did his utmost to keep the game clean and the Staley team beyond reproach, but he was outnumbered 11-1, including Referee Williams, who might as well have been a paid employee of the Staley aggregation.
The fact remains: if you can't be a thoroughbred, don't travel. The writer cannot be too vindictive on this score, because next to the surething guy comes the slugger, in his estimation. If these gutter earmarks are entitled to a place in the sporting sun, what is the world coming to, as Rupert Hughes says.

A Gambling Circle?

Oddly enough, a day later, Copeland wrote Trafton probably did not possess malice in his mind during the game. Instead, he suggested Trafton and the Staleys might have been dragged into a local gambling ring.[7]
On second thought, a Rock Island gambling tout might or might not have been directly responsible Sunday afternoon at Douglas park for the unfortunate indiscretion of Trafton. Staley center. It is a spirit of absolute fairness that impels to give Trafton the benefit of such doubt.
It is a known fact that this gambling tout, without a dime of his own to wager, accosted Trafton in the Davenport hotel on Saturday night with the malicious suggestion that he bet $100 even that Gunderson would put him out of the game intentionally in the first quarter.
This might have been a vicious misrepresentation to Trafton and the rest of the Staleys, impelling them to come to Rock Island and not be caught napping. In other words, they might have resolved to get us before "we could get them," wholly at the intimation of this disreputable gambling tout.
The menace of such a character being among the first to greet visiting players not only threatens to counter-act Rock Island's good reputation in professional football but it also serves to stimulate the ill will that was apparent Sunday in the unsportsmanlike tactics of the Staley eleven.
Copeland continued on by explaining his column had "already exposed the perils of overt gambling demonstrations" that took place in Rock Island, urging the Independents to stamp down on gamblers for threatening players. At the very least, he wrote, it was for the "protection of women and children from this wholly obnoxious method of attempting to stimulate more interest in the games."[7]
"Usually the person who advertises a weakness for public gambling is among the first to become disgruntled over the slightest reverse of the Independents."[7]

The Democrat Responds

Here's where things get interesting.
Remember Trafton telling the Mercer driver that he's heading to Davenport? One of city's sportswriters, writing for the The Davenport Democrat and Leader, mocked Rock Island fans for how they treated Trafton, both during the game and when chasing him out of the city, in the paper's November 8 edition.[8]
The bets of "enthusiastic" fans that Gunderson would "get" Trafton before the end of the first quarter ended disastrously for a Swede center and a number of other players as well.
The only time the Staley center was in danger was when some rowdy threw a pop bottle into the taxi in which Trafton and several others were riding after the game. Fortunately none were injured by the missle [sic] or broken glass.
It's a foregone conclusion, however, that what the Independents did yesterday was offset by the unsportsmanlike "fans" who displayed their prejudices in such a cheap manner as to disgust all lovers of good, clean sports.
For the sake of a few cents, or probably dollars, which they had bet, one of the most rowdy, maudlin, filthy and ungentlemanly volley of unclean and unwarranted cheers was made that put even the hard fighting Independents in a bad light.
It's a certainty that Rock Island has many "short sports." Rather than suffer defeat they evidenced the fact that there was nothing too mean and vile for them to say or do, and the majority of the crowd, which was only 20 per cent from Rock Island, was completely disgusted with the rowdyism that leaves a stain on clean sports and especially professional football in the Island City.
The writer went on to directly call out Copeland, proclaiming his pre-game articles helped stir fan attacks against Trafton:
Much of the dirty work on the side-lines is said to be the result of the sentiment fostered during the week by Rock Island's only sport writer, who for the entire week has been quoting Trafton, Staley's center, to the effect that he would "get" the Rock Island line during the game.
Trafton was personally challenged, in the Davenport hotel Saturday evening, and a handful of these birds from Rock Island heckled and "razzed" him into bets that he would be forced to take time before the end of the first quarter. Trafton bet till his money was gone and went into the game yesterday hammer and tongs. He took no time out during the entire game and is said to have personally accounted for Gunderson, Chicken, Smith and Nichols. Trafton was approached at the hotel in the presence of a Davenport Democrat representative, who witnessed the allegations made by the Rock Island men.
He then turned his attention back to Independents fans for their behavior, though maybe some of his comments were crossing the line:
If Referee Williams, who the "backers" of the Independents claim was unfair, had been just, he would have penalized the home team at least 20 yards when a cyclone of cheers in the grandstand made it impossible for the visitors to call their signals. This the referee has the power to do and it no doubt would have stopped the noise.
When a crowd cheers because a player has been injured, especially if they player has been clean, as it did when Pierce [sic, was referring to Pearce] was temporarily winded, there is little sportsmanship in its makeup.
Isn't it too bad these former "barrel-house" supporters could not have been under that section of the bleachers that collapsed.
Decatur fans who came a long way to see a real football game, took home with them something new in the form of "rooting" and it's more than likely they'll spread the news.
Probably no one was more disappointed with the methods used yesterday than Walter Flannigan [sic], manager of the Independents. He has at all times stood for good, clean football and it is known that he was not in accord with the tactics of those who could not think of losing their money, if there was a possible means of preventing defeat.
After proclaiming Rock Island should stop making excuses for not beating Decatur, he concluded:
The Independents and their management covered themselves with glory yesterday, but—well the least said about some things the better. Any person that loves clean football rooting had a bad taste in his mouth following yesterday's game.

Copeland Fights Back

At the end of his possible Rock Island gambling ring story, Copeland briefly acknowledged the Democrat’s comments on him:[7]
In commenting on Sunday's football game, The Davenport Democrat calls us "an over-enthusiastic, altho prejudiced sport writer." As far as over-enthusiasm goes, we are glad we can still enjoy life. As to prejudice, which is almost identical with incapability, we would stoop to advise that persons with narrow shoulders should never wear suspenders.
In his November 10 column, however, Copeland went all-out in his retaliation:[9]
In reading this column, Argus readers are humbly requested to bear in mind that prior to last Sunday there had been no grievances between The Davenport football writer and The Sportscope. However, during the Independent-Staley football game at Douglas park, the Democrat football expert (?) took occasion to defile Rock Island fans their sportsmanship. Above all, he condoned Trafton's foul tactics and as much as said by innuendo that Gunderson got what was coming to him. Money, this same writer continued his tirade in his sport pages[...] Perhaps he is just one of those "who never could know and never could understand." A vast majority of Davenport fans are "salt of earth," and their presence at any sporting event in Rock Island is always cordially invited. Please excuse them from this dissertation, which is designed wholly for the enlightenment of The Davenport Democrat football writer, who with no stint of verbiage, has insulted the intelligence of Rock Island fandom and the experience of the writer of The Sportscope.
Copeland proceeded to answer much of the article, though to save time and character space, I’ll provide his breakdown of some of the Davenport writer's comments above. For starters, let’s focus on the paragraph where he talked about how Williams could have penalized Rock Island fans 20 yards for being too rowdy. Copeland’s response is extremely long, but I found his snide tone hilarious enough to include:
Turn to the football code, Nodrog, and let's have a little skull practice. We shall begin by reading section 3 of rule 15, whose text is:
"No delay arising from any cause whatsoever shall continue more than two minutes." Is that perfectly clear? Simple enough, isn't it? Well, let's proceed. Under "Penalty" we see:
"Unreasonable delay on the part of the side not in possession of the ball—Loss of 5 yards, the scrimmage following to remain first down.
"Unreasonable delay on the part of the side in possession of the ball—Loss of 5 yards, the down and the point to be gained for first down remaining the same as they were at the beginning of the scrimmage during which the delay occurred.
"Refusal of either side to play within two minutes after having been ordered to do so by the referee—Forfeiture of the game."
Do you know what is the score of a forfeited game? No? Well, as this is a primary class in football, know you hereafter that it is 1-0.
Cheering so that signals cannot be heard should be classified under rule 15 (Delay of Game), shouldn’t it? The wording of the rule itself does not interpret "from any cause whatsoever." It leaves that broad interpretation to the judgment of the referee and field judge. In a way, you are right because the rule contains no specific factors for penalization, neither players or spectators.
Infliction of the penalty is confined wholly to the players, but no mention is made of the spectators. Still, a referee or a field judge might exercise the prerogative left for their interpretation and impose a 5-yard penalty.
See any reference to "at least 20 yards" there? See any reference to the referee having the authority to penalize for such a "delay?"
And, lo, under "Penalty," it is stipulated that only team delays are to be adjudged. Remember, Nodrog, that to report a football game for your newspaper, you first have to possess some knowledge of the rules. Then, perhaps, you will never again make such a ridiculous assertion that a team, either with or without possession of the ball, can be penalized 5. NO "AT LEAST 20 YARDS," because the jubilant or outraged fans persist in cheering or JEERING for more than two minutes. Remember, Nodrog! That is, unless the referee is a broad interpreter of the rule.
Copeland called him "Nodrog" approximately 30 times in his column. While the writer's name is never specified, "Nodrog" is "Gordon" backwards. Make of that what you will. I'll call him by the name as well for convenience.
Nodrog's defense of Williams' decision to not eject Trafton for the Gunderson incident was next. I think the funny part is that most of it was in bold and even all-caps.
As to the "fairness" of Referee Williams, which you allege, Nodrog, here is a specimen (remember, you implied as much):
The moment Trafton committed his flagrant fouling of Gunderson, Umpire Barron ran in, disqualified Trafton and motioned to Referee Williams to advance the ball half the distance to the Staley goal line. Why? Because Trafton had struck, kneed and kicked Gunderson. You saw it, didn't you?
Well, Nodrog, did you see Captain Halas of Staley run toward your sanctimonious Mr. Williams, crying: "Are you going to stand for that?" Did you see Williams falter, consult with Halas and then stride toward Umpire Barron? Did you hear Williams declare, "That foul was unintentional?" Did you see him consult with Halas again? Do you believe they were discussing THEIR return trip to Decatur?
[Copeland lists off rules on hitting with certain body parts like the elbows, along with how the umpire should enforce penalties for such incidents. For my sanity, I'll provide them in this image.]
You know that Williams finally proposed a compromise penalty [the ten-yard "Running into opponents" one], don't you, Nodrog? Isn't a compromise proposed by one who is subject to frequent attacks of cold feet? Doesn’t he admit he is wrong by proposing a compromise? If he weer [sic] courageous, wouldn’t he stick to his convictions? Williams violated the code himself by misinterpreting rule 27, section 1, and disregarding rule 23, section 1, under "Duties of the Referee["]: and ignoring rule 23, section 1, under "Brief of Rules Where Umpire Has Jurisdiction."
Williams' compromise was based on rule 23, section 6, under “Conduct of Players,” which reads: “There shall be no running into opponents after the ball has been declared dead. “Usually, Nodrog, this rule is interpreted to apply to fouls committed where both players are on their feet. Williams had only to view the result of Trafton’s willful foul to determine which penalty should be imposed.
The Sportscope has attempted to correct your assertion that Referee Williams was fair. It hopes you understand, Nodrog!
Remember when Nodrog said the rowdier Rock Island fans should have been under the stands when they collapsed? Copeland addressed that as well:
You don't mean that, do you, Nodrog? If you do, there is murder in your heart. Why, the very idea of wishing anything that breathes—good, bad or indifferent—to be in such a fatal predicament! You must give your intelligence more exercise, Nodrog! If that is an example of your mentality, you are living in stoneage times, not 1920 A. D. It is dangerous to reputation to print a statement in which you infer it is pitiful that human beings cannot be killed off. Did you stop to think of that before you began to write?
As to Decatur's "outraged" fandom at the game, The Sportscope daresays they witnessed only the culmination of a series of black-guardly fouls on the part of their own "oppressed" football team during the game. The Sportscope also daresays that such thrilled turned to shivers when they suddenly awoke the fact that they weren't on their own lot, and saw a frenzied mob chasing their beloved, self-appointed midwest football champions from the field. Otherwise, The Sportscope cannot imagine how they could take home "something new."
On Aug. 23, 1980, the writer saw his first professional baseball game. He had that memorable date jotted down in his memory book and will never forget it. His first impression of professional sport was the spectacle of fully one thousand fans in the act of chasing a single umpire to the clubhouse on the Polo Grounds, New York. That was a little more than thirty years ago, and The Sportscope further daresays that similar incidents have occurred frequently ever since. It has occurred in Davenport more often than The Democrat writer cares to admit, and everywhere else at times when foul tactics incite general fandom to run riot.
You cannot stop it, Nodrog; so what are we to do?
In the Democrat article, Nodrog provided an image of Trafton tackling Chicken. Copeland called him out by saying it is really a photo from a USC/Occidental College game.[9]
As a bonus, Copeland even wrote jazz song lyrics mocking Nodrog as part of his Sporting Jazz segment (among other insults).
"USE WELL, NODROG, BEFORE SHAKING."

The Democrat Responds 2: Electric Boogaloo

The next day, Democrat writer Bob Feeney answered back in his Homade Hooch column:[10]
TWELVE REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO COPELAND.
(1) Because he gave 12 reasons why the Staleys couldn't win, and 12 why Rock Island couldn't lose before the first game.
(2) Because the Staleys won anyway.
(3) Because he thinks a team gets penalized 15 yards for having three men off-side.
(4) Because he don't write in English, and his stuff isn't worth translating.
(5) Because he might throw a pop bottle at you if he got too close to you.
(6) Because he believes you ought to "score" a prize fight just like a baseball game.
(7) Because he is vulgar, and accuses his colleagues of wearing suspenders.
(8) Because he isn't a safe man to have around—he is a jazzing fool, and specializes on "Sporting Jazz".
(9) Because he gets personal, and that isn't nice a-tawl!
(10) Because after this issue of "Homade Hooch" gets around his reputation wouldn't be worth 30c.
(12) Because everybody around here knows he is a has-been, and most suspect that he is a never-was.
(13) Because what he has to say doesn't make any difference anyway.
After the list, he began his counterattack:
The Rock Island Argus devoted seven of its eight columns on the sporting page to the Davenport Democrat yesterday. We have not that amount of space available for an answer—Democrat space is too valuable—but we do devote a good part of this column to the subject, not to answer such ridiculous questions but to show the public at large how little some sporting experts know of their own subject.
WE DEFY YOU TO DENY THIS:
We recall a little incident at the Rock Island-Staley first game [the 7–0 Decatur win]. Rock Island was penalized 15 yards.
"Oh!" chirped Rock Island's only sporting editor, "what is the matter? Is someone off side?"
"Yes," replied a Democrat staff member, "three men off side."
The Rock Island editorial pencil lit upon the page.
"Hey, Bruce," called a more charitably inclined Democrat representative, "don't put that down, they were holding." Thus was the Argus once more saved from making a "Sporting Jazz" of its news stories.
The Argus Editorial
We wonder what the Argus editorial department thinks about this malicious attack on the Democrat. In their editorial Monday night, they did not agree with "by Bruce Copeland" at all.
The Argus gave the ferocious Rock Island fans a severe "sacking" on the editorial page, while Bruce was loudly praising them on the sport page. He has never, to our knowledge, even mentioned the pop bottle episode, except in a general way, where it was his plain duty to devote several columns under his journalistic methods to disapproving of it.
Bruce seems to think it is quite the proper thing to throw pop bottles at the visitors. Probably he learned that at the first professional baseball game he attended back in 1865, or else he inherited it from a long line of baboons who threw cocoanuts [sic] at the visitors in the jungle. To sum up, however, we agree with the Argus editorial department, not with the sports department.
Feeney also included a recap of the day's scores:
Democrat, 88; Bruce Copeland, 0.
November, 11; Germany, 0.
What-we-say, 100; What-he-says, 0.
To round out his piece, he wrote:
YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH A GUY THAT TALKS LATIN.
(From the Rock Island Argus.)
[Feeney repeats the note added by Copeland at the end of his gambling ring article (the one about suspenders)]
A free translation of the Argus panning follows: "Our spirit is young, even if we are bald-headed. Lay off on the rough stuff." The sentence about the suspenders, however, cannot be translated—it is Latin idiom, that is, written by a Latin idiot.
We now reply to the R. I editor in his mother tongue, so that he, too, may understand:
Having never matriculated from either Yale or Harvard, we are inclined to view with suspicion the urbane metaphors of the self-admitted, over enthusiastic and prejudiced only sport critic of the neighboring community.
Comparisons are always odious, but we have always been taught that a well groomed man never wears suspenders, and unaccustomed to their weight on our narrow shoulders we will consult the ouija board immediately in order to determine whether some malicious minded person has been using vile appelations [sic] in connection with our personality.
Judging from the continued bleating of Mr. Copeland, R. I.'s alleged sport writer (?) one would almost believe that he not only condones but approves of pop bottle episodes and riots.

The Aftermath

All of this over a football game? Imagine this happening in today's age with social media. Those two would have quickly been ousted from their jobs due to the PR nightmare both papers would have to endure.
As far as I can find, Copeland did not answer back to Feeney as he appeared to have moved on from the situation. Probably.
On November 17, ten days after the Staleys/Independents game and six days after Feeney's column, The Sportscope focused on the upcoming Rock Island/Dayton Triangles game, though Copeland also wrote a poem. It was innocuous for the most part; that is, until you reach the closing line:[11]
When ladies would a-bowling go,
Man wants but little here below.
No matter how they fall from grace
And throw the balls around the place,
Men overlook their sickly score,
But not the hosiery that they wore.
He didn't break his collar-bone
Beneath a wagon-load of stone!
No flivver hit him in the neck!
No, it was not a railroad wreck!
A harder fate was his, 'twould seem:
He played against the Staley team!
Sports feuds are fun, aren't they?

Future Rock Island Battles

The Pro Football Hall of Fame's bio on Trafton states the following: "One writer reported that Trafton was strongly disliked in every NFL city, with the exception of Green Bay and Rock Island. In those places, 'he was hated.'"[12] Not surprising about Green Bay considering the Bears/Packers rivalry and definitely not surprising about Rock Island. Interestingly, Trafton's escape from the city was not the only time he clashed with the Independents.
A year later, the newly-christened Chicago Staleys visited Rock Island. Immediately after the game ended, Halas gave an envelope containing his team’s share of the ticket revenue to Trafton.[6]
"It seemed like a prudent thing to do, because the Rock Island fans were in a characteristically unhappy mood," Halas wrote. "If they started looking for trouble, I figured Trafton would be running for his life, whereas I would have had nothing to run for except the $3,500."[6]
The two eventually reached their hotel without problem and Trafton returned the money to Halas.[6]
In another meeting between the teams, Trafton and Independents center Lou Kolls repeatedly committed personal fouls on the other. Rather than penalize or eject them, however, referee Bobie Cahn decided against it, figuring the countless infractions would just slow down the game. "We figured we might as well let them kill each other," he quipped.[3]
Ironically, in 1923, Walter Flanigan attempted to sign Trafton and fellow Bears playequarterback Joey Sternaman (the younger brother of team co-owner Dutch Sternaman).[13] Both declined.

What About Copeland?

As for Copeland, The Sportscope stopped covering the Independents following the 1920 season as he focused on serving as a baseball umpire starting in June 1921. The Davenport Democrat was thrilled as they wrote: "It can't be! Yes, By Gosh! It is our old friend Bruce Copeland with a mask on his face and a chest protector down his facede [sic] acting as arbiter in the Three-I League. [...] 'Good Luck, Bruce! An' Call 'em Wen 'er over!'"[14]
Considering the paper, it's probably Nodrog who wrote it.
Before he was officiating baseball games and during the APFA offseason, however, he wasn’t shy in getting jabs at the Staleys. For his 1920 league All-Star Team, he refused to list Trafton, not even as an honorable mention. Although he praised him for his "peak physical conditioning" and for being "the unanimous call for all-star center," Copeland wrote "Trafton's popularity was impaired greatly by his unnecessarily rough tactics, which will be passed over without further comment."[15]
In January 1921, the Independents played an exhibition game against the Chicago Thorns, a team that featured many Staley players like Halas and Trafton. Despite being the favorite, playing on their home field, and scoring the first points of the game, the Thorns lost 14–7.[16] A day later, Copeland criticized the Chicago Tribune's game recap:[17]
The victory also proved the utter disregard of Chicago newspapers for a football team which in every way is superior to the Staleys, conceded national champions after playing the Akron Indians in a scoreless tie. A game of that kind would have packed Madison Square Garden, New York, from tanbark to girders and filled columns of space in New York newspapers.
There is an insidious influence in Chicago which never wished the Islanders any great amount of weal. It is also probable that the Staleys did not wish to see a detailed description of their utter rout as inflicted by the Independents. Somebody put on the soft pedal.
[Some proclamations about the superiority of Rock Island's players and arguing the Independents could have won the 1920 APFA title if they "[showed] more fight" like they did in the exhibition]
Copeland’s column proceeded to mock the Tribune for... calling the Independents the Independents?
According to him, they had agreed to play the game under the name "Rock Island Professionals", though the newspaper apparently didn't get the memo. On that note, he also made fun of the Staleys some more:
Chicago AFTERNOON newspapers, who showed a greater inclination to recommend the classic than their contemporaries, and also handbills and scorecards advertised the locals as the Independents. The Staley's, however, took the wise precaution to disguise themselves as the Chicago Thorns without even being hyphenated to their rightful identity.
Today's Chicago Tribune printed an obscure article supplied by Joe Prendergast Sunday night after it was learned that the early editions of both Chicago morning dailies contained no mention of the Independent-Staley contest. Prendergast called both offices on the phone at 11 p. m. and both professed great surprise that there had been such a game. They didn't even know the score.
The Tribune stated today that the Staleys had disbanded previously. Nine of their regular players in Sunday's lineup fails to corroborate the fact. Seeing as how nine Staleys and two others were defeated by eleven representative Rock Island Independents, who had sought to protect the record of that organization by billing themselves previously as the Rock Island Professionals, it is no more than hair, as they were advertised by the game promoters as the Independents, that they should be credited with having defeated the Staleys, not the Chicago Thorns.
Guess some grudges never die.
submitted by ZappaOMatic to nfl [link] [comments]

Most used words in the last month picture cloud thing that's been going around.

submitted by Rabid_Snowman to ravens [link] [comments]

Welcome to /r/CFB! Here is your 2017 Rules Refresher and a brief announcement about our Pre-Season Schedule

Brent Musburger You are looking live at /CFB
Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to college football! We are now less than two weeks from the first FBS games of the 2017-2018 college football season. Before we begin, let's go over a few things that happened during the offseason and refresh ourselves on the rules.

Houston Nutt Are you new here?

If you are new we would like to personally welcome you to the greatest place on the internet, /CFB! We are a community of over 250,000 college football fanatics from all over the globe who live and breathe college football and are some of the most passionate fans you’ll ever find. We love BBQ, beer, and fall weddings. During your stay here we guarantee you will fall in love. There is just something about college football that grabs you and makes you want to scream at a TV for 12 straight hours on Saturdays. We should warn you, however, that college football is not for the faint of heart. There will be anger, joy, sadness, WHAT KIND OF CALL WAS THAT REFness, tears, and occasionally, all of the above.
There are countless CFB teams across the nation to support. Wherever you are in the country (or even some parts of the world), there is a college football team close by. Choosing a team can sometimes be hard and really the best way is to just start watching. You'll quickly pick up on who is the most popular team or who is the best. Read /CFB and you'll learn about the different conferences and their apparent biases with ESPN.
Once you have found a team to support you should consider picking up a flair to show your fandom and pride. /CFB has over 2300 unique flairs to choose from and selecting them is a painless process. /CFB also has the ability for dual flairs. This allows you to show your fandom for two teams or your team and its conference, or even show your support for BelkBowl and wear a flair for your favorite bowl game!
Each Saturday there will be a number of Game Threads where discussion for each game goes on. For the Featured Games on the sidebar, CFB_Referee will post a Featured Game Thread an hour before kickoff. If you don't see a thread for the game you are watching, feel free to make one with our Game Thread Creator!
Here are some links you should visit...

A Hungry Cougar in the Rain What happened during the offseason?

The off-season is dark and full of terror. Thankfully, most of us have survived (RIP ou77-am0) and the season is almost upon us. Still, there were quite a few interesting things/shitposts that happened during the off-season so if you weren't around here's a brief summary of what you missed:
To check out more /CFB OC click here.

Touchdown Rule Refresher

Here at /CFB we have some pretty simple rules but here are some of the important ones to keep in mind.
No flair based downvoting
While there is no way for us to check this, we would still like to bring it to attention. The downvote button does not exist to put down teams you don't like, people you don't like or opinions you don't like. Instead, use it to get rid of trolls or bad content. Downvoting just because of flair makes Coach Snyder sad. Don't make Coach Snyder sad.
No flamebait, personal attacks or harassment
Does this really need to be explained? Don't be a troll. Have a good time on /CFB and be nice. No argument is worth getting into on the internet. We encourage strong debates and good discussion but if it ultimately comes down to "You are wrong, I am right" and name calling you will be banned.
No racism, homophobia, sexism, or other bigotry
Seriously. Discussing college football should never lead to this. Remember, this is a place to talk about football, that's it. One of the great things about /CFB is that it isn't the ESPN or AL.com comment sections - it's a welcoming place for fans of all teams, regardless of who you are.
Tweets must be made as self-posts
This rule is a bit controversial, but it has helped a ton with moderating the subreddit. All direct Twitter links will be removed.
Use the weekly threads
Like last season we have a weekly thread on every day of the week. These threads cover everything from predictions to highlights. If you post a link that belongs in one of these threads it will be removed without warning.
Word-for-word pasting of paywall content
We can't allow users to just take content from paid sites. There is a reason the paywall exists and writers deserve the money. Feel free to quickly summarize an article, though.
Which team/fanbase is X threads
Threads designed to put down other teams or fanbases will be removed. We want posts that encourage positive discussion and debate, not collective hate. We have had plenty of these threads in the past and there is no reason to have anymore. Example thread titles include "Which fanbase is most delusional?" and "Which team do you irrationally hate?"
Reporting
While this isn't a rule, it does help us make sure the rules get applied consistently. We can't be everywhere, so that means we need you to help out by reporting posts that break the rules. You may have noticed the new options for reporting comments and submissions - hopefully this will make things easier!
NEW
We now have a separate site with our full list of rules and guidelines! PLEASE READ THE FULL LIST OF RULES HERE!

Kirk Herbstreit Weekly Threads

Now that the season is beginning weekly threads will be back up. We have at least one thread each day. Here is the schedule...
Day Thread Time (ET)
Monday Complain About Your Team Thread 11:00 AM
MS Paint Monday* Varies
Applaud Your Team* Varies
Tuesday Best of /CFB 10:55 AM
Weekly /CFB Poll Discussion 11:00 AM
Trivia Tuesday* Varies
CFP Rankings 9:30 PM
Wednesday Dear CFB 10:55 AM
Prediction Thread 11:00 AM
Whose Line is it Wednesday* Varies
Thursday User-Friendly Bet Thread 10:55 AM
Trash Talk Thursday 11:00 AM
Friday Freshman Friday Thread 10:55 AM
Free Talk Friday 11:00 AM
Saturday Saturday Tailgate 8:00 AM
ESPN's College Football Gameday Thread 9:00 AM
Image, Video, GIF Thread 11:30 AM
Featured Game Threads Varies
Sunday Weekly Wind Down 8:30 PM
AP Poll 2:00 PM
*These threads are run by users and are not scheduled
Due to volume of submissions, the threads for the AP Poll, and CFP Rankings will be posted automatically by CFB_Referee. The Coaches Poll however is open to being posted as links. Whoever posts first, wins. Please be sure to link to the official websites for each poll. Duplicates will be removed. When the CFP Rankings come out a weekly thread will begin devoted to "True Discussion" of the rankings. This thread will allow users to discuss them without jokes or other unrelated content.
New this year
Dear CFB - This thread will be posted on Fridays and is for you to ask for advice or recommendations when you're travelling to different areas/stadiums/games.

Goldy Social Media

In case you don't know, /CFB is very active in social media. We have several accounts to make sure you don't miss out on all of the action. Here is a list...
If you are at a tailgate or game, tweet a photo of it tagged with #RCFB and we will retweet them! This season we are trying to get a nationwide look into college football each Saturday.
Twitter
Instagram
Pintrest
Periscope
New this year /CFB finally got a Discord server.. Click here to join in the fun!

Utah Ball Preseason Schedule

New this year, we're modifying how we're handling our regular Weekly Threads in the lead up to the season. The big difference here will be that we're splitting up the Prediction Thread into 8 different threads. There will be 1 thread for each P5 conference, 1 for the G5, a "BOLD" prediction thread, and finally 1 for overall season predictions like who will make the playoffs or win the Heisman. We are also going to limit the number of Depth Chart posts to a single thread where you can post and discuss them all to your heart's content. Additionally, the other Weekly Threads will have their own pre-season counterparts posted on their typical days. Here's what the Pre-Season Schedule will look like:
Day Thread Time (ET)
Sunday 8/20 Pre-Season Complain About Your Team 10:55 AM
G5 Prediction 11:00 AM
Monday 8/21 MS Paint Monday 10:55 AM
ACC Prediction 11:00 AM
Tuesday 8/22 B1G Prediction 11:00 AM
Wednesday 8/23 Dear CFB 10:55 AM
Big 12 Prediction 11:00 AM
Thursday 8/24 Season-Long User-Friendly Bet Thread 10:50 AM
PRE-SEASON TRASH TALK 10:55 AM
Pac-12 Prediction 11:00 AM
Friday 8/25 Pre-Season Freshman Friday 10:55 AM
SEC Prediction 11:00 AM
GAMEDAY BOLD Prediction 10:55 AM
2017 Season Prediction 11:00 AM
Image, Video, GIF Thread 11:30 AM
Monday 8/28 2017 Depth Charts Discussion 11:00 AM
Any threads that overlap with the above will be removed.

Lee Corso Final Thoughts

This season will be the busiest season in /CFB's history. We continue to grow and push our outreach even farther. Remember, /CFB is built by you, the user. Without the daily content submitted or the thousands of comments, /CFB would be a barren place. We hail ourselves as being the best subreddit on reddit and we are doing our best to keep it that way. With so many users, there are bound to be a few bad apples. Don't let them steer you away. Let's do our best to welcome new users and educate them on the sport we all know and love. Here is to more touchdowns, more fans, and another amazing season on /CFB.
submitted by CFB_Referee to CFB [link] [comments]

Welcome Back! The 2015-2016 CFB Season is Just Around the Corner!

Brent Musburger You are looking live at /CFB
Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to college football! We are now less than one week from the first FBS games of the 2015-2016 college football season. Before we begin, let's go over a few things that happened during the offseason and refresh ourselves on the rules. Here, enjoy some nice music while you read!

Puddles Are you new here?

If you are new I would like to personally welcome you to the greatest place on the internet, /CFB. We are a community of over 130,000 college football fanatics. We are some of the most passionate fans who live, breath and skip fall weddings to watch college football. We like BBQ, beer, and 120 yards of sweet green grass tucked in between tens of thousands of roaring fans.
During your stay here I guarantee you will fall in love. There is just something about college football that grabs you and makes you want to scream at a TV for 12 straight hours on Saturdays. I will warn you, however, that college football is not for the faint of heart. There will be anger, happiness, sadness, WHAT KIND OF CALL WAS THAT REFness and, occasionally, tears.
There are countless CFB teams across the nation to support. Wherever you are in the country (or even some parts of the world), there is a college football team close by. Choosing a team can sometimes be hard and really the best way is to just start watching. You'll quickly pick up on who is the most popular team or who is the best. Read /CFB and you'll learn about the different conferences and their apparent biases with ESPN.
Once you have found a team to support you should consider picking up a flair to show your fandom and pride. /CFB has over 2100 unique flairs to choose from and selecting them is a painless process. /CFB also has the ability for dual flairs. This allows you to show your fandom for two teams or your team and its conference, or even show your support for dilly bars and corn dogs (looking at you HUSKEROYAL).
Each Saturday there will be a number of Game Threads where discussion for each game goes on. For the Featured Games on the sidebar, CFB_Referee will post a Featured Game Thread an hour before kickoff. If you don't see a thread for the game you are watching, feel free to make one with our Game Thread Creator!
Here are some links you should visit...

A Hungry Cougar in the Rain What happened during the offseason?

The dark and dreary offseason is finally coming to an end. Offseason is a word most sports fans grow to hate. Even so, a lot actually happened during it. Let's look at some major news and changes with /CFB...
To check out more /CFB OC click here.

Touchdown Rule Refresher

Here at /CFB we have some pretty simple rules. I'll address just a few of them, but please look at the full list here.
No flair based downvoting
While there is no way for us to check this, we would still like to bring it to attention. The downvote button does not exist to put down teams you don't like, people you don't like or opinions you don't like. Instead, use it to get rid of trolls or bad content. Downvoting just because of flair makes Coach Snyder sad. Don't make Coach Snyder sad.
No flamebait, personal attacks or harassment
Does this really need to be explained? Don't be a troll. Have a good time on /CFB and be nice. No argument is worth getting into on the internet. We encourage strong debates and good discussion but if it ultimately comes down to "You are wrong, I am right" and name calling you will be banned.
No racism, homophobia, sexism, or other bigotry
Seriously. Discussing college football should never lead to this. Remember, this is a place to talk about football, that's it. One of the great things about /CFB is that it isn't the ESPN or AL.com comment sections - it's a welcoming place for fans of all teams, regardless of who you are.
Tweets must be made as self-posts
This rule is a bit controversial, but it has helped a ton with moderating the subreddit. All direct Twitter links will be removed.
Use the weekly threads
This season we have a weekly thread on every day of the week. These threads cover everything from predictions to highlights. If you post a link that belongs in one of these threads it will be removed without warning.
Word-for-word pasting of paywall content
This is a relatively new rule. We can't allow users to just take content from paid sites. There is a reason the paywall exists and writers deserve the money. Feel free to quickly summarize an article, though.
NEW. Which team/fanbase is X threads
Threads designed to put down other teams or fanbases will be removed. We want posts that encourage positive discussion and debate, not collective hate. We have had plenty of these threads in the past and there is no reason to have anymore. Example thread titles include "Which fanbase is most delusional?" and "Which team do you irrationally hate?"
NEW. "WAKE THE FUCK UP, IT'S GAMEDAY" threads
As users may have noticed this morning, these threads will be removed as part of the crackdown on low effort posts. By popular demand we will add a new Saturday Tailgate thread going up at 8AM ET.
Reporting
While this isn't a rule, it does help us make sure the rules get applied consistently. We can't be everywhere, so that means we need you to help out by reporting posts that break the rules. You may have noticed the new options for reporting comments and submissions - hopefully this will make things easier!

Kirk Herbstreit Weekly Threads

Now that the season is beginning weekly threads will be back up. We have at least one thread each day. Here is the schedule...
Day Thread Time (ET)
Monday Complain About Your Team Thread 11:00 AM
MS Paint Monday* Varies
Tuesday Best of /CFB 10:55 AM
Weekly /CFB Poll Discussion 11:00 AM
Wednesday Prediction Thread 11:00 AM
Whose Line is it Wednesday* Varies
Thursday User-Friendly Bet Thread 10:55 AM
Trash Talk Thursday 11:00 AM
Friday Freshman Friday Thread 10:55 AM
Free Talk Friday 11:00 AM
Saturday Saturday Tailgate 8:00 AM
ESPN's College Football Gameday Thread 9:00 AM
Image, Video, GIF, Vine Thread 11:30 AM
Featured Game Threads Varies
Sunday Weekly Wind Down 8:30 PM
*These threads are run by users and are not scheduled
Remember, If you don't see a thread for the game you are watching, feel free to make one with our Game Thread Creator!
The only new thread for this season is "Weekly Wind Down." This thread will go up on Sunday evenings. It is a place to discuss all of the weekend's action, share tailgating stories, share photos and discuss the current polls. This is the final thread before Monday morning, so enjoy it!
The threads for the AP Poll, Coaches Poll and CFP Rankings are all open to being posted as links. Whoever posts first, wins. Please be sure to link to the official websites for each poll. Duplicates will be removed. When the CFP Rankings come out a weekly thread will begin devoted to "True Discussion" of the rankings. This thread will allow users to discuss them without jokes or other unrelated content.

Goldy Social Media

In case you don't know, /CFB is very active in social media. We have several accounts to make sure you don't miss out on all of the action. Here is a list...
New this year...
If you are at a tailgate or game, tweet a photo of it tagged with #RCFB and we will retweet them! This season we are trying to get a nationwide look into college football each Saturday.
Twitter
Vine
Instagram
Pinterest
Periscope

Utah Ball CSS Changes

The mod team spent some time this offseason trying to spruce up the CSS and make /CFB look a little more pretty, as you may have noticed.
We developed some standard thumbnails for weekly threads and common topics. Along with the thumbnails, the upvote/downvote arrows were changed to correspond with the /CFB logo. We said goodbye to the pennant flairs and welcomed a simpler, box flair. Here is an album of tests that we went through before arriving at the current design. Another small CSS change allows you to hover over inline flair to see its text. Finally, @RedditCFB tweets were moved from the sidebar to just above the posts.
We also welcomed a whole family of CFB Balls designed by A-Stu-Ute!
North Carolina Ball Navy Ball Arizona Ball BYU Ball Iowa State Ball West Virginia Ball Ohio State Ball
Check them all out at our inline flair page.
Did you find the hidden clue above? I wonder what it leads to!

Lee Corso Final Thoughts

This season will be the busiest season in /CFB's history. We continue to grow and push our outreach even farther. Remember, /CFB is built by you, the user. Without the daily content submitted or the thousands of comments, /CFB would be a barren place. We hail ourselves as being the best subreddit on reddit and we are doing our best to keep it that way. With so many users, there are bound to be a few bad apples. Don't let them steer you away. Let's do our best to welcome new users and educate them on the sport we all know and love. Here is to more touchdowns, more fans, and another amazing season on /CFB.
submitted by CFB_Referee to CFB [link] [comments]

Statues - A counter Assault

STATUES What to do about statues erected to people who harmed so many others, and for so many generations after their time?
Forrest LBJ King Welfare Enslaver 
Tear ‘em Down – by Joshua Speed
An American Liberty slogan, Don't tread on me, means “to step, walk, or trample so as to press, crush, or injure something.” In this case, it refers to everyone’s Natural Rights to Life, Liberty and Property, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation.
America was founded on this principle – some manipulate the whole program to preserve political power. Let’s dig in …
Joshua Speed, friend of Lincoln
MANUSCRIPT – BEGINS
The policy of American government is to leave its citizens free, neither restraining them nor aiding them in their pursuits – Thomas Jefferson
I happen to be aligned to what Jefferson said above. But your mentalities need not align with mine for me to admire your valor. If alignment is a prerequisite, then I am permitted to admire the freedom-loving British for their valor during WW II. Yet I must despise the Russians - who lost 24 million standing up to the same Nazis - just because Russia accepts autocracy and subservience, a way of life abhorrent to me.
But I do not box myself in with the “alignment rule”, and so yes, I admire the Old South’s Civil War valor of 170 years ago, though not its philosophies. The valor part is remembered in a few old statues.
To be clear, even though I admire the valor of the South, I am glad the South lost the Civil War. I prefer all 50 states working together and I certainly reject slavery of any kind, especially the creeping, modern, government-operated slavery of taxation and welfare.
AND JUST THINK, we have statues erected to people that have caused this modern slavery.
Jefferson, below, predicted that government, starting from an ideal of liberty, would descend into an era of modern slavery: Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny. And that’s exactly what certain people with nice statues have done. So when statues are erected to people who seriously and systemically tread upon many millions of Americans over many decades, then I agree - let’s take ‘em down. My top three suggestions follow:
  1. Nathan Bedford Forrest – Confederate cavalry general and Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan.
Started: Cold Hearted/Evil Ended: Warm Hearted/Redeemed Legacy: Disastrous/Evil
  1. Lyndon Baines Johnson, - Founder of the Great Society welfare state.
Started: Cold Hearted/Evil Ended: Cold Hearted/Evil Legacy: Disastrous/Evil
  1. Martin Luther King Jr. – Sold out his people to the Democrats, allowing Blacks to become re-enslaved by LBJ’s welfare dependency system.
Started: Warm Hearted Ended: Warm Hearted Legacy: Disastrous/Evil
Legacy trumps intentions. We will take them in historical order. Nathan Bedford Forrest
This self-made man joined the Confederates as a simple soldier at the outset of the Civil War and rose to become the greatest cavalry general on either side of the conflict. Like his confederate bookend Stonewall Jackson, he was all action all the time, able to move his men great distances at amazing speeds. A devastating weapon Grant called “that Devil”.
Before the war Forrest traded slaves. After the war he became Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. During the war - in cold blood - his cavalry division massacred a captured Union black infantry unit.
But, like a paroled criminal released before his death, Nathan redeems himself just in time.
His first redemptive act occurs when the Klan had grown to 500,000 members by the time of Ulysses S. Grant’s Presidency - spewing violence everywhere - with Grant throwing the kitchen sink at them to close it all down. It was Forrest who finally gave what is called “order #1”, ordering: The Klan is over; put away your robes (the Klan would resurface in the 1920’s).
Second, right before his death, Forrest meets with a group of Negroes and gives his famous apology speech which shocks the South. The Independent Order of Pole-Bearers (predecessor to the NAACP), which was organized by Southern blacks after the war to promote black voting rights, invited Forrest to be their guest speaker, the first white man ever to be invited to speak to the Association.
In this speech he said that there was no reason that the black man could not be doctors, store clerks, bankers, or any other job equal to whites. They were part of our community and should be involved and employed as such just like anyone else. His concluding remarks follow.
I came to meet you as friends, and welcome you to the white people. I want you to come nearer to us. When I can serve you I will do so. We have but one flag, one country; let us stand together. We may differ in color, but not in sentiment Many things have been said about me which are wrong, and which white and black persons here, who stood by me through the war, can contradict. Go to work, be industrious, live honestly and act truly, and when you are oppressed I'll come to your relief. I thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for this opportunity you have afforded me to be with you, and to assure you that I am with you in heart and in hand. (Prolonged applause.)
Yes, Forrest redeemed himself, but still, you might want to remove his statues - all things considered. A good heart at one’s finish does not give one a “pass” when so much damage has been done to whole peoples.
Lyndon Johnson & Martin Luther King Jr.
Too bad for Martin Luther King Jr. - a positive man - that his destiny was so badly corrupted by LBJ - Lyndon Baines Johnson – a pure-evil man. Here is why I say this.
In the 1960’s I grew up in a rural Connecticut town that grew tobacco. I worked the farms from age 13 through age 15. As it happens, in the 1940’s when Martin was a boy, he twice resided in my town, living in farm dormitories during the summers, a “tabaccy picker” just like me.
One day my father and I go to the historical society to view old letters Martin wrote to his mother explaining how different the Northerners were as compared to the severity Martin grew up with down South. He explains to his mother how he can do whatever he wants, go on the bus to Hartford to see a movie without any of that “back of the bus stuff” happening. His message: “Mom, we could live like this!” Us thirteen-year olds in the fields were quite proud to literally be walking in Dr. Kings footsteps.
And so I know that at the start of his maturation, Martin’s intentions were pure, wanting to eliminate conflict, not feed it. Yet the opposite happened once he rose to the big leagues. His secret arrangements with LBJ inadvertently - but clearly - made racial matters worse, leading to today’s pattern of pitting welfare recipients against tax payers, all of us pawns of the socialist left. Should MLK get a pass for these unintended consequences? Let’s look at what MLK’s capitulation to the Democrats did to everyone.
It is never said, but the King’s (Martin’s parents) stood Republican - as did many Blacks in the early 1900’s. After all, during Martin’s boyhood, the dismal record of the Democrats against Blacks was being echoed by the Nazis against the Jews. When did this Democrat enslavement agenda start? Way back.
At America’s founding there was only one political party. It yielded Washington and Adams as Presidents #1 & #2. Jefferson, wanting to be President #3, and fearing a challenge by Hamilton, decided to skin this “Hamilton” cat by creating what became the Democrat party. Jefferson’s “States Rights” platform sanctified the right to continue legalized slavery if a state voted for slavery within their local legislature.
Jefferson won, but from then on, a push back movement against slavery grew in the North resulting in the 1854 formation of the Republican party, essentially an abolitionist firewall against the further spread of slavery to the new western territories. When the Republican Abraham Lincoln gets elected in 1860, southern Democrats read the tea leaves, and immediately secede from the Union in order to carve their slavebased society out from the rest of America.
Over 1 million Americans casualties accrue during the American Civil War so that Democrats can hold onto their Black slaves.
After the war, Democrats seek workarounds to everyone’s natural rights by inventing the notorious Jim Crow Laws, passed in 1877 by Democrat-controlled state legislatures. Using a separate-but-equal argument, Jim Crow Laws finesse the assertion that all men are created equal, by asserting that one can still be separated even if equal – like chickens, all equal, placed in different coops. Protection of Life, Liberty and Property - our due process rights - could be segregated. The Jim Crow Laws themselves – i.e. segregation - are finally shot down in 1954, but many other aspects of individual rights remain, such as discrimination in the hiring process. Ok, this is where Lyndon Johnson (Mr. Evil) and Martin Luther King, Jr. (Mr. Dup) come into the picture. In 1964, the country watches the drama taking place over the passage of the Civil Rights Amendment, a cornerstone piece of legislation designed to retire the remnants of the Jim Crow era. 80% of Republicans support the bill, with many Democrats in opposition. Lyndon & Martin The main Democrat standing with the Blacks is Bobby Kennedy, who hates LBJ and plans to wrest the 1968 Democrat primary away from Johnson. The world watches for 60 days, as eighteen Democrat Senators filibuster against the amendment, with Bobby standing tall. For example: Richard Russell (D-GA) We will resist to the bitter end any measure or any movement which would have a tendency to bring about social equality and intermingling and amalgamation of the races. Strom Thurmond (D-SC) This so-called Civil Rights Proposals, which the President has sent to Capitol Hill for enactment into law, are unconstitutional, unnecessary, unwise and extend beyond the realm of reason. This is the worst civil-rights package ever presented to the Congress and is reminiscent of the Reconstruction proposals and actions of the radical Republican Congress.
Things are getting dicey, but LBJ has a political brainstorm; he will flip history in a way that gets the Blacks behind him and takes the wind out of Bobby’s sails (Left: Bobby and LBJ).
LBJ’s plan: first get the Civil Rights Amendment through the Senate. He does this by arm-twisting his old Democrat cronies - and then second, create The Great Society welfare programs – effectively buying the old slave population back through dependency monies, placing them once again under the control of the Democrats. Just like old times! LBJ achieves both halves of the plan, and this is where the innocent treachery of Martin Luther King Jr. comes into play. LBJ’s Great Society imagery masks the Republican-led Civil Rights victory and soon many assume LBJ freed the Blacks and was handing money out through his sense of good will. Of course in return for Great Society largesse, the Negro downtrodden would have to abandon the Republicans, who had defended them since Lincoln, and must now cast their votes for the Democrats (but not Bobby). And their own leadership - Martin Luther King Jr. a former Republican - falls in line with the Democrat agenda, instructing the Blacks accordingly. How LBJ brokered this deal with King is amazing; it just shows how capable Johnson was at manipulation, and how gullible King – the reverend - was. And after King is assassinated during LBJ’s presidency (still don’t know by who or why), ML King pretenders (e.g. Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, The Reverend Wright) step into King’s power vacuum, using hate speech to condition Blacks into permanent dependency – left unable to tap into and compete within society – an underclass – a herd of sheep. (Sharpton, still the Shepherd). Suddenly the world forgets the past 200 years, that the Democrat Party legalized black enslavement, that Democrats led The South into war to keep enslavement, that Democrats next held Black’s back using “Jim Crow segregation laws, and that Democrats tried to torpedo Civil Rights! Guess what? LBJ’s tactic worked, the world forgot - everything! When LBJ took over, the rate of illegitimate births in the Black community ran at eight percent. Today, that statistic tallies 77 percent, an increase of 1,000 percent – dependency politics at its worse. That’s right, the reason many Black families live in shambles is not due to White slave owners (historically Democrats) breaking up families 200 years ago, but rather because Democrats broke them up in the modern era with the seductive bribe of dishing out free money for having children, making the family unit dispensable – the children adrift, unable to compete. And now Democrats are luring Latino’s (and mid-east immigrants) with the same con – immigrant Hispanics carry a 49% illegitimate birth rate. Today seven percent of all Black American Men, and one percent White American Men are in prison. Some blame this skewing on discrimination in the judicial system. But we cannot blame this as the cause. In 1964, only one percent of Black Men lived in prison. Fifty years of dependency programs have left many unable to compete, culturally conditioned and willing to do anything to get by. So they choose crime.
The snowballing damage of the Democrat party’s socialist agenda is nicely covered up the very way it was initiated: change history and blame someone else. Today’s decoys: Black Lives Matter and NFL protesters. But what is their beef? When 77% of black babies are abandoned at conception by their fathers it becomes ludicrous to sell the idea that black lives should matter more to you than to the parents of these children. As far as the NFL, some players relate to ghetto imagery, victims of the cloistered ghetto society whose crime rate has exploded by 1,000 percent since the days of the great LBJ/MLK arrangement. Ever since Dr. King, they, not me, voted for Democrats who control their inescapable ghettos, where, “when crime hits, cops exist!” Blame your parents, grandparents or your supposed champion – MLK. Leave America out of it. And so, with such excellent diversions everywhere, after 50 years of the Great Society, is it any wonder that 19 out of 20 Blacks vote Democrat, as they believe that the Democrats got their backs. LBJ and his naive partner MLK rendered more long-term harm than anyone to everyone. Their contrived alliance successfully covered up the stain of Democratsagainst-Blacks by blaming all Whites, entrapping most blacks. And they still play the same trick. Joe Biden (D) in his 2012 campaign speech to a Black audience said, They’re gonna put y’all back in chains. No Joe, you guys did. (right: Obama awards Biden with the Medal of - get this - Freedom). Obama continued to water down history by cleverly saying things such as: I cannot swallow whole the view of Lincoln as the Great Emancipator. I guess Barrack did not appreciate Spielberg’s “Lincoln” movie, released on November 8, 2012. You know, the one where Lincoln successfully passed the Emancipation Amendment and then took a bullet in the head from Booth - an assassin funded by the Democrats. Do you know what a “bellwether sheep” is? It is the special sheep working in league with the Shepherd. It has a bell, and as it walks to the slaughter pen all the other sheep follow it in. This is the unintended treachery of Martin Luther King Jr. He might have begun and died with a pure heart, but he sold himself and his followers to the devil. The Bellwether King’s words regarding Con Artist Johnson:
I have no doubt that we may continue to differ concerning the tempo and the tactical design required to combat the impending crisis. But I do not doubt that the President is approaching the solution with sincerity, realism and, thus far, with wisdom. I hope his course will be straight and true. I will do everything in my power to make it so, by outspoken agreement whenever proper, and determined opposition whenever necessary.
Like everyone else in the 1960’s, MLK was way over his head thinking he could trust LBJ, not foreseeing that Democrat monies came with heavy, permanent chains attached. But modern Democrats have no excuses for perpetuating the consequences of welfare, and instead wantonly double down on the whole socialist paradigm no matter the horror, simply to hold onto the dependency voters’ that welfare incubates.
Let’s look closer at LBJ, the modern Democrat “nanny state” role model. Running with the Devil – LBJ Footnotes Lyndon Johnson said the word “nigger” a lot. In Senate cloakrooms and staff meetings, Johnson was practically a connoisseur of the word. According to Johnson biographer Robert Caro, Johnson would calibrate his pronunciations by region, using “nigra” with some southern legislators and “negra” with others. Discussing civil rights legislation with men like Mississippi Democrat James Eastland - who committed most of his life to defending white supremacy - he’d simply call it “the nigger bill.” In Flawed Giant, Johnson biographer Robert Dallek writes that Johnson explained his decision to nominate Thurgood Marshall to the Supreme Court rather than a less famous black judge by saying, “when I appoint a nigger to the bench, I want everybody to know he’s a nigger.” When Johnson had his political brainstorm to co-opt the black community through financial bribes, he cut the deal with four civil rights leaders over a 90-minute meeting in the White House, January 18th, 1964. In formulating his legislative agenda for the year, Johnson solicited the advice of Dr. King and three of King’s allies — Roy Wilkins, executive director of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People; National Urban League Executive Director Whitney Young and Congress of Racial Equality National Director James Farmer. Though the 90-minute meeting was not open to the press, The Chicago Daily Defender published the four activists' comments to the media outside the White House in an article headlined "LBJ Meets with Negro Leaders; All Five Worry About Poverty."
The civil rights leaders said the discussion with the president revolved around how to address the fact that poverty afflicted blacks far more than whites. Johnson would raise the money to fix this. Johnson invited the four activists back to the White House to witness the signing of the Civil Rights Act. They accepted. On July 2, in the East Room of the White House, Johnson signed the provision into law, less than six months after the January meeting. The president gave King the pen used to sign the bill. King described it as one of his "most cherished possessions." (Below: LBJ Signing, Dr, King has LBJ’s back).
Previous to what today is called “white supremacy”, from 1850 into the 1960’s there was “WASP world” … the period where WASPs sat established and Catholics and Jews clawed their way up. Back then, the immigrant families bet on education (I got a nickel per A grade), followed by some form of chores or work at the earliest possible age.
Immigrants were not given a hand up, instead they used work ethic, education and family drive to form their own economic bases –small and large companies, law firms, accounting firms, teaching and management positions - and built from there, only reaching parity with the WASPs in recent years. The LBJ/MLK welfare state collapsed the possibility for the Black community to follow suit. Only the strongest Black families made it out on their own, with affirmative action substitutes akin to pushing on a rope. MLK’s Pact with Democrat Devils
Much is made of Democrat President Harry Truman’s issuing an Executive Order in 1948 to desegregate the military. Not mentioned is the fact that it was Republican President Eisenhower who actually took action to effectively end segregation in the military.
Truman
It was Eisenhower, the Republican, who pushed to pass the Civil Rights Act of 1957 and sent troops to Arkansas to desegregate schools. President Eisenhower also appointed Chief Justice Earl Warren to the U.S. Supreme Court, which resulted in the 1954 Brown v. Board of Education decision ending school segregation.
Eisenhower
Democrat President John F. Kennedy is lauded as a proponent of civil rights. However, Kennedy voted against the 1957 Civil Rights Act while he was a senator, as did Democrat Sen. Al Gore Sr. And after he became President, Kennedy was opposed to the 1963 March on Washington by Dr. King that was organized by A. Phillip Randolph, who was a black Republican. President Kennedy, through his brother Atty. Gen. Robert Kennedy, had Dr. King wiretapped and investigated by the FBI on suspicion of being a Communist in order to undermine Dr. King. Kennedy In March of 1968, while referring to Dr. King’s leaving Memphis, Tenn., after riots broke out where a teenager was killed, Democrat Sen. Robert Byrd (W.Va.), a former member of the Ku Klux Klan, called Dr. King a “trouble-maker” who starts trouble, but runs like a coward after trouble is ignited. A few weeks later, Dr. King returned to Memphis and was assassinated, Bobby Kennedy a few months later ... hmm!
No, the Dems don’t got your back! They are not progressives; they are regressive – socialist tyrants! You guys (America), like MLK, got duped, sweet-talked. You are not “white supremacy”, lording over others: you are established families, with many black families not established.
For sure LBJ was the devil incarnate – no statues please – and his satanic river of welfare money formed an offer King couldn’t refuse. It was all too good to be true, and 50 years later the Democrats march on, still promising money, advancing modern slavery - entrapping Blacks and other “victim” minorities, while siphoning off the wealth of society.
LBJ, ushering in socialist hell.
MLK certainly had valor and a good heart, but his legacy simply didn’t pan out. MLK’s sellout to the Democrat welfare state left his people orphaned, broken apart, unable to compete, a permanent underclass. The sellout caused a de facto “white establishment” outcome across the land, not due to systemic racism by all Americans but from Blacks being reenslaved, their normal generational evolution stifled – i.e. their pursuit of happiness denied by the Democrat Party. Martin’s dream became an antiAmerican, creeping socialist nightmare that every American now lives in.
No statues … please.
Old Heroes
MLK was placed upon a pillar by the Democrats, not for achieving great things for America, but to perpetrate the con that Democrats are the friends of the downtrodden. The ultimate MLK Statue: Martin Luther King Day, a national holiday proclaimed under Bill Clinton, when Democrats controlled congress. This happened as Democrats also retired the Washington and Lincoln holidays, burying the country’s founder and savior, replacing them with MLK, welfare’s bellwether sheep.
Conversely, my favorite black leaders advocated education, industry, grit and independence as the paths blacks needed to follow to achieve parity inside America’s diversity coalition. Here are my choices for erecting statues:
Fredrick Douglass 1818 -1895
Fredrick’s life story, his escape from slave masters, his rise in the North as the key voice of the abolitionist movement – all led to the formation of the Republican Party and the Civil War which defeated legalized slavery. Fredrick’s vision for full emancipation centered upon allowing black families the freedom to raise strong children, their way. Quotes follow …
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
The marriage institution cannot exist among slaves, and one sixth of the population of democratic America is denied it's privileges by the law of the land. What is to be thought of a nation boasting of its liberty, boasting of it's humanity, boasting of its Christianity, boasting of its love of justice and purity, and yet having within its own borders three millions of persons denied by law the right of marriage?”
Everybody has asked the question, and they learned to ask it early of the abolitionists, 'What shall we do with the Negro?' I have had but one answer from the beginning. Do nothing with us! Your doing with us has already played the mischief with us.
I am a Republican, a black, dyed in the wool Republican, and I never intend to belong to any other party than the party of freedom and progress.
People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.
Booker T. Washington 1856 – 1915
Booker, born into slavery, self-educated, became the leader of Black America in the late 1800’s until his death in 1915. His theme: you need to make yourself valuable, regardless of accidents of birth.
No greater injury can be done to any youth than to let him feel that because he belongs to this or that race he will be advanced in life regardless of his own merits or efforts.
No man, who continues to add something to the material, intellectual and moral well-being of the place in which he lives, is left long without proper reward.
Dignify and glorify common labor. It is at the bottom of life that we must begin, not at the top.
The individual who can do something that the world wants done will, in the end, make his way regardless of his race.
In the early 1900’s Booker’s self-help formula was ultimately replaced by W.E.B. Du Bois’ NCAAP formula of causing forced concessions from white America via political leverage – the path MLK followed after World War II, leading him to LBJ’s doorstep.
Malcom X 1925 - 1965
To me, one of the greatest American stories is the life and assassination of Malcom X. You can read his autobiography to see why I say this. Regardless, read the autobiography to understand American history.
Like F. Douglass and B.T. Washington, Malcom believed black ascendency possible by blacks elevating themselves. But in Malcom’s case, he advocated complete separation from whites to achieve this, believing entanglements with whites (e.g. welfare) would only perpetuate the black underclass. To achieve full separation, blacks even need to separate from Christianity – join Islam, and need to use black names – forgoing the white-based slave names assigned by white masters. For Malcom, education, diligence, physical courage and family were the ways forward. You may not like his approach, but he fought for independence, not dependency, and he certainly possessed valor.
Malcom was assassinated by Black Muslims who he eventually came to criticize for hipocracy.
My father didn't know his real name. My father got his name from his grandfather and he got his name from his grandfather and he got it from the slave master.
For me, my 'X' replaced the white slave master name of 'Little' which some blue-eyed devil named Little had imposed on my parental forebears.
Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it.
My Alma mater was books, a good library... I could spend the rest of my life reading, just satisfying my curiosity.
No, we are not anti-white. But we don't have time for the white man. The white man is on top already, the white man is the boss already... He has first-class citizenship already. So you are wasting your time talking to the white man. We are working on our own people.
The goal of Dr. Martin Luther King is to give Negroes a chance to sit in a segregated restaurant beside the same white man who had brutalized them for 400 years.
We won't organize any black man to be a Democrat or a Republican because both of them have sold us out. Both of them have sold us out; both parties have sold us out. Both parties are racist, and the Democratic Party is more racist than the Republican Party.
Statues please … Don’t fall for the Socialists. They can’t help it. They can’t be fixed. Socialism is genetic.
Americanism Versus Socialism
TOPIC AMERICANISM SOCIALISM Goal Liberty Obedience Power The Individual The State Decisions By The Individual By Pyramids of Control Economy Run by the Citizens Run by the Government Property Strictly Private Regulate, Tax, Confiscate Rights God Given Government Permissions Wealth Personally Earned Owed to Society Taxes A Basic Contribution Pressured Extortion Finance Savings Debt Wellbeing Each Family’s Priority Government Promises Government Liberty’s Protector Wealth Transfer Agent Military Liberty’s Protector National Police Congress Our Representatives Elite Masters Voters Able/The Ship’s Ballast InferioNeed Masters Speech Unfettered Muzzled Debate Encouraged Distract People from It Education Knowledge/Critical Thinking Crafted Indoctrination Teachers Encyclopedias A Union Voting Block Electorate Expect Honesty Stupid, Lied to, Duped Press Independent/The Facts An Ally/A Spin Department Religion Accepted Shunned Environment Preservation Political Opportunity Guns Right to Self Defense A Disarmed Citizenry Race Irrelevant Victims, A Divider Sexuality Irrelevant Victims. A Divider Opportunity Educate, Train, Intern Spread Dependency America Blessed/Extraordinary Transform It/Socialize It/ End It
END OF MANUSCRIPT RACE STATUES
The author’s favorite King photo: Young Martin before the Socialists got a hold of him. An angel sent from heaven.
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Even a Hitman needs dishsoap (A people of Walmart ISOT)

Four squads of Helicopters hovered in formation over the walmart as they kicked up arizona dirt into the air.. Chinooks had Men dressed in all black repelling down as Jets flew circles around the Walmart now in the middle of no where..
An older middle aged man watched as as trucks took off to the desert following people trying to drive off..
A woman in a Colonel’s uniform shook her head, “This is the last Time I ever decide to come to this [email protected]#$ store..”
Several of the men come running. One of the men with a siler bar yells, “Hands where we..”
“It is Colonel Blackstone United States Airforce..” Taking a deep breath, “Where is your CO?”
The lead man hit the female Colonel with a rifle, “F#$%ing C#$% you were told to..”
The man standing next to the downed Colonel, caught the man all in black off gaurd.. A loud snap filled the air, Followed by the man grabbing the rifle using him as a shield.. “You lost your gos [email protected]#$ mind son.. Or just your god [email protected]#$ map and Compass. The Colonel Asked you a question..”
From the Ground Colonel Blackstone coughed, “Let.. Let him go soldier..”
Several of the other Men and black where kneeling in firing positions..
A man in a black suit coughed,” Master Chief.. Reign in the dogs.. Son.. Let the idiot officer go..” Walking past the soldier, the man in the Black suit reaches down.. Taking the Colonel’s hand, “Colonel Blackstone.. USAF.. “ The man smiles, “Agent Rhiends.. I am glad you are US military.. Right.. Care to explain where this..” Looking at the building, “Came from.. Looks like a walmart..”
The man lets the injured officer go, and shoves him forward to the ground as the JSOC team glares at him..
“Who won the last superbowl,” Colonel Blackstone spoke?
“F#$% me..” Taking a deep breath, “Redskins blew out the broncos last month.. Superbowl 22..”
“S#$%.. Boys,” Colonel looks around.. “Search everyone here.. Bring in those that walked off.. “ turning to the crowd of people from inside walmart, “How many of you are Veterans? We have a [email protected]#$5ing problem..”
Several of the men and women stepped forward..
“Mam,” The group spoke..
“You are all back to active duty at your ranks you where last in.. Including you soldier,” The Colonel spoke to the man with the JSOC weapon.. “You will help Agent Rhiends secure this facility for the federal government.. We have a huge F#$%ing problem.. It is 1988.. Ronald Reagan is president..”
“Mam, “ Agent Rhiends gets a look on his face.. “I am the officer in charge.. Care to..”
“Contact Davis Mothan.. Agent You are going to need a lot more people and security.. I want that road shut down immediately.. Find everyone who left.. We will need generators.. “ Taking a dep breath, “None of your people are allowed in the cars or the store..”
“Who the H#$% do you think you are,” Agent Rhiends was getting pissed..
“Because the US Government will never let any of you see your families again if you go in there..” Colonel Blackstone leans forward, “Get me a line to someone at Fort Meade Maryland.. An Agent Blackstone, My father.. Tell them Colonel Rita Dell Blackstone from 2018 wishes to speak with him..”
Agent Rhiends pauses, “2018…” Swallowing hard, “My god.. 30 years worth of technology..”
The man with the JSOC gun snapped his fingers, “Get moving.. Your bosses at Quantico will fry you if you do NOT do as the Colonel says..” The Man tosses the rifle to the Master Chief, “Your men will want to listen to.. Do not even peak inside the store..”
The master chief is eyeing the man, “I would say army.. Been out a long time.. Agent.. I would call Forte Meade for verifacation..” The Master chief looks at the man, “Your off son..”
“Corporal.. I went spook old man..” Leaning forward, “Wetworks. “
“They dont call it that,” The Master Chief narrows his eyes.. “F#$% a private contractor?”
Looking at the FBI agent, “Octavius..” The man smiled,” Private Contractor..” thinking fast, “GS 11.. Fredrick Octavius.. Colonel Blackstone is correct.. You might want to add in not to speak with those you chase down..The main reason none of you want to interact a lot.. Some of these people might have Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. MRSA..”
“S#$%.. Medically resistant staff infection,” Colonel Blackstones words makes everyone freeze.. “And every man here will be decom’ed..” Seeing Agent Rhiends face, “Some of the diseases have evolved in the next thirty years. The common ones are developing a resistance to any form of medicine..”
Agent Rhiends walks over to one of the jeeps and crawls in..
“Mr. Octavius.. I will need your support,” Colonel Blackstone spoke as quiet as possible.. “I dont recall a..”
“Mam.. I retired,” The fortyish year old man was eyeing everyone.. “That man has to sit in decom.. Dont touch him.. No hand to hand with combatants..”
“Master chief,” The Officer has guns pointed at him by the other members of the JSOC team.
Everyone is staring at each other for a few awkward minutes.
Agent Rhiends has the sat phone brought out,”Agent Blackstone is being located.. I was advised to let you handle the people on your end colonel.. Pending proof you are who you claim to be..”
Octavius looks at a black man in blue jeans and T-Shirt.. The man readjust his MAGA hat..
Another white female has a thought cross her mind, “Wait.. This is 1988..” She looks down at her t-shirt Hillary was robbed, “We can stop that sexist bastard!”
“B#$%.. We can stop the people they killed,” The Man with MAGA hat spoke.. “Wait.. “ An evil smile crosses the man’s face, “Whitewater.. Vince Foster!”
Octavius rolls his eyes and walks over to a car..
“You two shut the F#$% up,” The Colonel growls.. “Or I will have these men shoot you dead!”
Opening the car he takes out a pack of Cigarettes.. Packing the cigs, he then opens them.. Taking one out he digs out his lighter.. “Master Chief,” Octavius speaks to the Two men who followed him at a distance. “Those F#$%ers should just both be shot on priciple..”
The Master Chief takes out a pack of Cigarettes and lights one up.. “What is that S#$% about?”
“Octavius,” Colonel Blackstone growls..
“Mam.. they need to know what to listen for.. They may have to kill these people if they talk out of turn..” Octavius responds raising his hands..
“There will be no mention of politics.. Or anything else until we talk with natives in the military..” Colonel Blackstone glares at the man in the MAGA hat..
“Thank you.. We can convince them to stop T,” The woman goes to the ground from a back hand..
“Say nothing..” Leaning over the whimpering woman, “I voted for bernie!”
“Colonel,” Octavius speaks with raised eyebrows?
The master Chief quietly eyes Octavius.. Realizing he stared to long, “politics?” Looking around at some of the people that the former military were talking to, “They are dressed funny..”
“The people of walmart Master Chief,” Octavius nonchalantly speaks.. “A meme where I am from..”
“Meme,” The Master Chief puffed..
“Clive..” Octavius smiles evilly, “Welcome to the new world..”
“I never mentioned my first name,” Clive looks at Octavius..
Everyone turns and looks at the two men.. Agent Rhiends and Colonel Blackstone walk over..
“You know this man,” Agent Rhiends speaks.. “Why the F#$% did you not say so? We can start..”
“You are thinking about retiring.. Clive got an offer from the FBI to teach at their head quarters.. “ Octavius smiles politely, “Just got divorced from your third wife..”
“You,” Clive nods his head to the Agent.. “Ok.. What are my childrens names?”
“Rebecca, Joseph, and little timmie..”
“Nice try I do not have any children,” Clive shakes his head.. “Sir..”
“Rebecca, Germany eight years ago.. Joseph, mexico four years ago..” Octavius grins evilly, “And little timmie was born to your sister in law last year. DNA test are a b#$%.”
Agent Rhiends looked at the Master chief...
“Please I was in Germany nine year.. Oh,” Master Chief took a deep breath.. “I did not sleep with my.. F#$% !!”
“Relax Master Chief.. The DoD cant afford to lose your skills.. And none of your CO get to know about this.. It will be classified eyes only for those read into this..” Octavius takes a long drag, “We are wasting time.. You need to be planning Colonel.. The brass are going to be jack A$$es..”
“Let me get this straight,” A man in a very expensive suit was very pissed.. “This GS 11 Octavius.. Knocked out one of the Hazmat workers and escaped..”
“Sir,” Agent Rhiends tried to speak..”He..”
“Your Master Chief on loan from JSOC, reported that he did not believe This Octavius..” The man spoke coldly, “I have to report to the Man Reagan put in charge a few hours ago.. You want me to tell him What?”
The master Chief walks up and drops a black bag in front of the agents..
“Colonel Blackstone..” Shaking his head, Clive is pissed.. “This is worse then we thought.. A sniper Rifle.. And..” Pointing towards a car, “We found a body in the trunk.. Colonel I was right..”
“He knew you,” The Colonel shook her head.. “And idea who it was?”
“Me,” Master Chief took a deep breath..
The man in the suit raised and eye brow, “So.. That is how he knew your personal..” The man chuckles, “He is a wetworks operative.. “
Master Chief shows a badge, “Colonel.. What is this Department of Homeland Security..”
The two agents look at Colonel Blackstone, “Long story sir.. We have to catch this mother F#$%er..”
“No S#$%.. Lucky for you,” The Agent freezes..
“Carl.. Leave her alone,” A man walks up.. “So you claim you are my baby girl?”
Both agents tighten up, “Sir she let..”
“Boys.. “ Mr. Blackstone spoke, “If your my little girl..”
The Colonel smiles, “Dad..” She rolls up her uniforms legs showing a red line, “Ice Skating..” raising her shirt, “Appendix when I was twelve.. “
Agent Blackstone takes a deep breath..
“You burned down your grill last year during the forth of July.. Your last words to mama was her favorite bible passage.. “ Colonel Blackstone swallows hard, “My younger brother is actuall Jilly’s son.. You and mama adopted him.. You dont tell anyone of the rest of us till you are on your deathbed..”
“Ok.. Littlelady..”
“I lied to you last night if it is the date I think it is.. I just lost my virginity to the man I marry.. “ The Colonel looks at her father, “And shut the F#$% up dad.. You were right I divorce him when I am a major..”
The Colonel has one hand on her hip and points at the Agent..
Blackstone has to lean on Carl and Rhiends, “I believe my little jelly bean..”
“You call me your little Green bean,” Colonel Blackstone looks at her father all serious.. “And you know I HATE that fucking nickname!”
“That is her mothers attitude,” The older Agent is laughing.. “All right.. Colonel We will catch up later.. For now we need to know the nature of the biohazard. Gr..” The agent stops cold, “[email protected]#$.. You grow up to have your mothers manneris..” Another glare shuts the Agent up..
“It should be containable.. The only problem is this octavous man.. We will need to do a general health check and eliminate the risk.. We have the risk of several diseases..” Colonel Blackstone speaks, “Lucky for you dad we have a doctor, the pharmacist, and a few others in the store..”
“We completely lock this area down and no one gets out till they go through a full decontamination,” Agent Blackstone smiles.. “We will need to talk.. Technology, history.. All of it.. We are gonna have a lot to talk about.. Me and my littler green bean will be talking..”
“Our main concern immediately is this.. Dad,” The colonel shakes her head.. “He killed a man and casually sat next to the live man.. He is some kind of hit man..”
“It gives ua a body to compare with a living man..” Agent Blackstone took the Colonel’s arm, “Give me a tour of this walmart.. We will be scouring this store for fingerprints.. Lets see if we can find him.. “
“Dad.. There is a lot of technology inside,” Blackstone grinned.. “You wont believe the computing power available on our cell phones..” After a few seconds, “Wait.. We can bring up the tapes and see what he touched.. “
As they got away from several of the people, “I believe your story..” Agent Blackstone told his daughter, “Now.. What are you not telling me?”
“I met with DoHS agent Clive blueson two days ago dad..” The Colonel closed her eyes fighting her emotions.. Opening them, “I met Octavius at the base.. Dad.. I did not know he was a contract killer I swear to god.. I..”
“You slept with him,” Agent Blackstone smiled.. “Good.. “
“Because even in our mistakes, their is always something of value,” colonel Blackstone grinned..
“Thats my girl.. You slept with him for several days to several weeks.. You can help me build a profile of him.. How hard is it going to be to catch him,” Agent Blackstone spoke softly.. “So that is why you where here.. You were meeting with him for a quickie..”
Sighing as she looked at her father.. “He is professional.. He is also... lonely.. Dad.. I dont think he lied to me directly.” The Colonel smiled, “[email protected]#$ near impossible dad.. He was doing this under all our noses.. With more advanced technology at our disposal.. He wont try to contact his family.. They are dead to him already.. His .. He mentioned his first girl friend.. He said.. Texas.. Dad.. He lived in Texas when he was younger.. The accent and he mentioned the night life at Deep Elm..”
“You know I will have to speak with my little green bean.. She needs to develop better taste in men..” Fatherly, Agent Blackstone took a minute, “Leave that part out of your official report.. Now show me this technology.. We will all go through decom.. The CDC is on its way.. The President has been briefed.. This whole mess has been given a project name already.. Project Morlock...”
A man in a suit is on his knees, “I am made man.. You are dead.. Do you understand me?”
A masked man pulls the trigger splattering the italian man’s brains over the wharehouse..
The other hitters on their knees defiantly stare forward..
“Now.. I am glad I have you attention,” Octavius’s voice comes from the masked man.. He snaps his finger and a briefcase is set on the ground with masked men around Octavius.. He kicks the brief case to the largest hitter, “Your boss was outing all of you to the FBI. Louie.”
“You are full of S#$%,” Louie looks up as a woman in cuffs is brought forward..
“Louie.. Help me,” The woman begs as she is tossed to the ground..
“The Don’s mistress,” Louie is wide eyed..
“Pam,” Octavius grabs the woman by her hair.. “You convinced them I was deal bad S#$%.. Your boys in undercover poisoned my weed shipment.. Killing my customers..”
“Louie..” Pam had fear in her eyes, “He is lying.. I..”
Several more men with blackhoodies over their faces are dragged in..
Thier mask are removed as they are shoved to the ground..
Beaten and bloddied the four men try to stand and cant even stand..
Taking out a police issued side arm from his long coat, “We are going to play a game.. You officers are going to sing for Louie..”
An unbeaten Louie is stood up and sat in a chair.. His hands are cut free, “You.. Undercovers..”
“I am an officer of,” The man dies from a side arm discharge..
One of the other three falls to the ground and passes out..
Octavius shots the man that fell in the back of the head..
“Pam.. You got to tell them..” One of them speaks, “We did not have anything to do with this..”
“I.. I dont know who you,” Pam winces when octavius kills the man speaking.. “Louie.. He..”
Louie weakly stands up, “Stop.. The boss will want to speak with them..”
Octavius puts the gun in the face of Pam, “She is the Don’s favorite..Louie.. Louie..” Taking a deep breath, Octavius nods..
The other hitters are cut free professionally..
“You are asking me on behalf of the families to hand these two over to you,” Octavius smiles evilly from behind the mask..
“I aint a Don,” Louie has to hold onto one of the other hitters.. As Octavius cocks the hand gun back, “Yes.. It is family business..”
Ocatvius tosses the gun on the ground, “Louie.. Leave the gun, it is the last man’s side arm.. I do this because of our long friendship.. Just you..”
“I do not F#$%ing know you,” Louie growls..
Octavius laughs for a minute as his own men get nervous.. Octavius stops, “I had to try.. Tell the don nothing moves into california without me being paid..” After a few seconds to let it sink,”I will ship out weed.. I want your boss to sell only the finest..”
“Looks.. Youse not an idiot.. My boss doesn do bidness dis way..” Louie shook his head as the other hitters are moved back, “My boss is one of the most feared..”
Octavius leans forward lifting the mask.. He starts whispering in Louies ear..
Louie goes white faced, “You.. You a made man… “ Louie gives a greeting in Sicilian..
Octavius responds in Sicilian.. After the response, “Everyone but Louie turn around..” Lifting Louie’s sleeve, “ Your coded mark..” Octavius lifts his sleeve showing a black dragon..
Louie backs up wide eyed, “My.. My mark..I..”
Octavius puts his finger on louies lip.. He whispers, “Don Corlesi.. I am going to put an end to the drug flow.. And this bullS#$% of killing women and children.. Weed is the only drug you allow..”
“Weed don hur no one,” Louie is wide eyed.. “What da [email protected]#$ Soldier..” Louie raises Octavius’s hand and removes Octavius’s left glove, “Holy S#$%!!”
Octavius puts back on the glove, “Mr. Corlesi..”
Two briefcases are brought in..
Louie opens the briefcases, “What da F#$% is this..” Louie takes out a document, “Dis .. Dis is the list of ..” Louie is wide eyed, “This is a list of..”
“Undercovers in the bosses organization,” Octavius looks through the mask eyes.. “The boss does not like human trafficking..”
Louie is wide eyed, “Kid.. You a soldier.. But.. De mask S#$%..”
“Fed’s cant track me if they dont know who I am,” Octavius smiles.. Taking the card out of the other brief case, “This is a new credit card.. What if I told you I can make sure the Feds cant track the BOSS anymore via finances..”
“Da boss would.. He would,” Louie slides the card up.. “You a soldier making his move.. The don..”
“My first payment to the Don for the families operations I know run.. The feds do not have the ability yet to track the funds..” Octavius grins evilly as he snaps his fingers..
Clean clothes are brought out by a masked kid.. Respectfully another masked kid stands behind Louie..
“I had a car brought around for you.. One of mine.. Clean.. “ Octavius grins, “A plane is waiting for you at LAX..”
Louie turns as the two guest hare drenched in Alcohol.. A masked woman injects a struggling Pam..
“I.. I a.. Am..” Pam passes out..
The female repeats the process on the last undercover..
Coldly turning, Octavius stops at the door as Louie and the other hitters watch.. “You all need to leave.. It is about to become unsafe here in Cali for a few weeks..”
“Not safe.. What are you going to do,” Louie is wide eyed?
“Wipe out all of the competition..” Octavius smiles, “We are still in the middle of the Second mob war.. Decades before the rumbles of a third one..”
“Leave H. H. alone..” A texas Accent fills the air, “All right class.. Quiet down..”
A kid with a sad face takes a deep breath as several of the kids glare at him..
“So what started this,” The teacher looks at one of the bigger kids?
“HH said we where stupid.. “ A dumb sounding kid spoke, “If I went back in time I would bet on sports games.. Like marty McFly did..or Stocks.. ”
“You mean Biff,” HH speaks.. “Mrs. Towler.. I told Ed that he would be broke in a few years.. He did not earn the money.. He would be robbed by those beneath him..”
“Please.. I would deal with them..” The bigger kid pointed at HH.. “Loke your plan would work.. USe advanced technology to build an empire.. The criminals would wipe you out cry baby. Pose as a mobster.. Limited Resources and scarcity with diminishing returns.”
Mrs. Towler smiled, “Well.. I am surprised you are having an economics conversation.. Ed.. That is why the coach put you in this class.. You need to learn the basics of money..”
“Please.. When I make the NFL I will have a money manager,” Ed spoke confidently.. “I run.. I only need to focus on the game..”
One of the teachers came into the classroom, “Janie.. Turn the TV on..”
“Mrs. Johns..” Mrs. Towler looks up, “Will we get reception.. HH.. Can you get the TV to work..”
HH walks past several kids who make weird faces at him.. Mumbling to himself, “not if I got them first.. “
“Pu$$y,” Ed whispers.. “Like you would ever be able to fake being a made man..”
HH turns on the TV and checks the cable running into the back.. Playing with one of the Cables, “Here you go.. I think it should..”
The sound and video turns on..
“The Governor of California, George Deukmejian, has officially called out the national guard,” The reporter and camera man duck behind a wall..”A massive Gang war has broken out in the streets of LA. SWAT units and poli.”
“We aint going down like dogs.. You tink the popo’s,” A sniper round kills the gang banger in red..
“F#$% me,” The next round ices the gangbanger in blue..
In the back ground a huge explosion is followed by flames and smoke rising into the air..
Several of the Members of the combined gangs are gunned down by fully dressed SWAT.. The students in the classroom swallow hard as they watch the gun battle..
HH looks at the screen and then at ed.. He shakes his head, “Nah..”
“...declared martial law.. Those helicopters are part of the national guard un,” The reporter is hit by bullets..
Mrs. Towler quickly turns off the television, “Crap..” Looking at her class, “This… This a historical moment.. I will let your parents explain ..” HH closes his eyes, “HH.. I do apologize.. “
Everyone is whispering..
A well dressed woman peeks inside the classroom, “Mrs. Towler.. Erica Pierce.. I am .. I need to speak with little H.H.”
“Can you watch these kids for a minute..” Mrs. Towler sees Mrs. Johns nod yes, “H.H.”
H.H. just walks out in front of Mrs. Towler..
H.H. sees an older well dressed man and pauses, “Uncle Teddy?” H.H. ‘s eyes go wide at the in shape man, “Mrs. Pierce.. You found my uncle..”
“Kid I just found out my sister died.. I was traveling the US trying to find myself..” Uncle Teddy smiled, “I immediately came back to town..”
H.H. hugs his uncle, “You.. You got my letters.. I sent them to your PO Box like you said..”
“I got them,” The meticously dressed Redson looked at Mrs. Towler.. “Who is this?”
Mrs. Towler blushes and sticks out her hand, “Janie Towl.. Towler.. I am glad.. Glad..” Mrs. Towler shakes her head and stops looking at redson in the eye.. “I am Little HH’s econ teacher.. And I am his homeroom teacher.. Your his Uncle Teddy Redson..”
Mrs. Pierce coughs subtlely, “Mr. Redson.. I see this is your nephew.. If I understand correctly your sister left you her old house.. “
“We will be staying at a hotel.. I am going to renovate the house and rent it out…” Teddy grinned, “My real estate agent has several houses we are going to need to look at..” Hitting HH on the arm, “Your going to have to go looking with me.. The first house is old man Gentsons..”
“Mama looked at that house..” HH sounded excited, “Before she got sick.. She.. She wanted to sell ours.. And move in there.. “
“So you want me to just put an offer on that big empty house,” Teddy grinned.. “Some repairs have to be done.. “
“Mrs. Redson should love that house,” Janie Towler tried to be slick..
“Uncle Teddy is single,” HH responded.. “Oh..” After a few more seconds, “Wait.. I.. I am going home with Uncle TEDDY!!”
Mrs. Pierce smiled, “If that is what you want.. I will report to the judge that this visit..”
“Mrs. Pierce.. Judge Schmidt approved it earlier today.. He is an old family friend,” Teddy grinned.. “Now you are going to have to bring that husband of yours for our housewarming party.. I have already invited the Judge.. Tell Waid I’ll make sure we have his favorite beer..”
Mrs. Pierce hit Teddy in the arm, “You remember Waid.. From school.. He said you knew each other..”
“I have not forgot,” Teddy grinned evilly..
One of the other Teachers stuck his head out of his classroom, “Janie.. “ Seeing Teddy he walks out of the classroom.. “Teddy..” The two shake hands as HH gets a loo on his face..
“Mr. Wesson..” Teddy hits the man in the arm, “I am screwing with you.. “
Instinctually Paul hugs Janie, “You are back in town.. To pick up your nephew..” Paul rubs HH’s hair getting a pissed off look from HH.. “The news man.. My class is watching it.. The Governors of Arizona, Nevada, and Oregon have called out their NG units..”
Teddy whistles, “[email protected]#$..Pardon my language.. IS it getting that bad?”
“The gang war is threatening to spill over to their states..” Paul catches the coldness from Janie,”I hope we are still on for dinner baby..”
Politely smiling, “We will talk later..” Janie towler takes a deep breath, “I have to get back to my class.. HH.. I am glad your Uncle found you..” Looking at Mr. Redson she sticks out her hand, “Ot is nice to meet you Teddy..”
Shaking her hand back, “I will need to speak with you later Mrs. Towler..” Seeing Pauls face, “Relax old dog.. I have to review my nephews school work..” An Evil smirk crosses Teddy’s face for half a second, “I hope to see you in church tonight Paul.. You to Mrs. Pierce..” Seeing the two of them recoil..”I have changed since we last saw each other..”
“Wait.. You found baby jesus,” HH gets a look on his face..
Teddy kneels in Front of HH, “You wont believe me if I told you.. Lets say the universe is vast.. I have in my darkest hour my faith has got me through a lot.. I am not going to preach to you.. You will have to go to church.. Sunday mornings and evenings.. And every wensday night.. IT is good discipline building to have all your clothes and chores down.. Around a tight schedule..”
Janie smiles and speaks out, “Dawn goes to the same church.. Her father is Deacon and business manager.. We do.. “
“No preaching,’ HH looks at Teddy.. “From you or bible thumping?”
Nope.. I hate that crap..” Teddy stands up slowly, “You need the good influences in your life.. So you do not end up at bars and strip clubs..”
“Stop by Mr.Redson.. After school today,” Janie goes back into the classroom..
“The national guard is in a street by street fight,” A different reporter’s voice filled the air.. “This is a battle for the soul of the american people.. Stay tuned.. We will bring you up to date reports on what is being called the battle for California..”
“Mr. President.. Project Morloch might can help,” Agent Blackstone takes a deep breath.. “Mr. President.. We .. I understand sir..”
Wearing a single star, Rita picks up another phone.. “Mr. President.. Brigadier General Blackstone.. Sir.. Let me be clear.. I know several people are filtering the information you are recieving.. Sir.. I do not care.. This is exactly why you formed Project Morloch.. Sir the issue here is tactical.. Sir no offense.. The people you have advising you do NOT know what they are dealing with.. You can NOT handle this like you did earlier in your career in california..”
“Brigadier General Blackstone,” Agent Blackstone growled.. “This is the president of the United States..”
Looking at her father, “First kill the god [email protected]#$ news feed.. Second shut off water and electricity.. Third withdraw the national guard to the military bases.. Four have the bases serve as forward commands for the National guard. Five set up safe zones for the Families of the dependants.. Six have special forces go with marines and retrieve family members.. Draft the JSOC members into the NAtional Guard..”
Laughter came from the phone.. Reagan’s voice filled the, “George recommended the very same thing.. He recommended we use all our assets to stop this. As is the JCS...”
“Sir.. Project Morloch’s upgraded satilite capabilities can make this like shooting fish in a barrel..” Rita Blackstone paused for a second, “If I have to I will go myself MR. PResident.. We can coordinate our assualts very easily without revealing our new tech sir.. Also.. check EVERYONE going into the Safe Zones sir.. Strip search all of them for drug and weapons.”
“I will not set up camps,” Reagan’s voice was clear.. “How soon can our.. Our edge be deployed..”
“Now Mr. President.. The issue will only be the ground units doing exactly what they are told..” Brigidier General Blackstone smiled, “Sir.. We do have a few non leathals we could deploy..”
A buzzing of a disconnect comes from the phone..
“God D#$%,” Agent Blackstone looked at a TV screen outside the office..
“Mr. President..” Brigadier General Blackstone calls out, “Hello.. Mr. President!”
“Rita,” Her father pointed to a screen outside the office.. “My god..They.. They hit the white house..”
Rita just stood there, “That mother F#$%er just.. My god.. He had Reagan killed..”
“I take it that this was not supposed to happen either,” Agent Blackstone was pissed.. “What is Octavius up to?”
“Brigadier General Blackstone,” The Blackman sans his MAGA hat swallowed hard.. “NSA just got this SIGNET in.. You are going to want to hear this.. They are say it is going out over radio..”
“Play it Lt. Freeman,” Agent Blackstone growls..
An electronic voice comes from a computer, “ We are the Weather Underground.. We will no longer tolerate the attacks ordered by our government on our brown brother and sisters. We stand in solidarity.. We must destroy the military industrial complex.. As-salāmu ʿalaykum, Comrades of the socialist movement! Comrades of the Jihad.”
“Why would he use the Weather undergrou.. F#$% me.. Lt.. Check on the future POTUSs,” Brigadier General Blackstone got worried..
They watched as the new satilites brought up a display..
“Mam.. They are all safe,” Lt. Freeman shook his head.. “Octavius just turned Reagan into a martyr..”
“Any reports on the weapon system used to hit the white house,” Agent Blackstone shook his head?
“Dad.. Ask for the time index..” Rita hits the Lt. on the back as others are at stations, “Time index on the launch..”
The screen shows the time as the computer people go backwards and follow a path..
On the screen three catapults appeared..
“You have to be S#$%ting me.. Catapults.. He has knowledge of future technology and goes primative,” Agent Blackstone hits an ear piece, “General We found the weapons.. We are sending you the photo’s now..”
Brigadier General Blackstone took a deep breath.. She brought up the pictures of a burning white house as another round launched, “Impressive.. Those flames Lt.. White phosphorus with tungsten shards..”
“Have the Jets destroy them now,” Agent Blackstone growled.. “Yes a second round is coming..” Agent Blackstone paused as the balls hit and exploded…
“Mam..” Lt. Freeman whispered, “Octavius just F#$%ed a lot of things.. But he may have a purpose..”
“Explain,” Agent Blackstone paused..
“Sir.. Where we come from the political environment was highly.. Charged.. There was a lot of theories about the source of the problem..” Lt. Freeman took a deep breath, “This links three problems.. Terrorism, Economics, and Politics.. It will be several generations before the socialist ideas dare show there heads.. Octavius just charged the environment.. IF Regan is dead.. The republicans will trounce the democrats..”
A woman walked in the building with tears on her face.. She was dressed professionally, “There was a car accident in Arkansas.. The governors wife was injured..” Swallowing hard, “There are reports that they found.. Found propaganda from the weather Underground in her car.. He tried to kill Hillary!!”
“Julie,” Rita Blackstone had to sit down.. “Let me see the reports..”
“We have to stop this,” Julie handed a pad over to the Brigadier General..
Lt. Freeman laughs, “No mam.. We can not interfere.. We are going to find out if Bernie can take Donald Trump..”
The group in the command center from the future were quietly discussing things..
“This is bad,” Agent Blackstone watched the conversations.. “Rita darling..”
Brigadier General Blackstone had her fist balled up as she heard the conversations.. “All of you shut the F#$% up!”
Everyone went quiet..
“We live in the here and now..” Brigadier General Blackstone watched the different screens, “First we need to figure out who Octavius really is..”
Lt. Freeman took a deep breath, “Mam.. We have chatter.. Looks like we are going to get an early kick off to the war on terror.. The CIA is reporting..” Reading his screen, “ Several terrorist networks are supporting the Weather Undergrounds actions..” Taking a deep breath, “F#$%.. Mam.. The Russian Ambassador is having a press conference..”
“S#$%.. This might be war,” Agent Blackstone took a deep breath..
“Janie.. It is ok.. You can call me Teddy.. Mr. Redson is so formal,” Teddy smiled.. “So what has my nephew got into trouble for..”
Mrs. Towler blushed for a second, “Uhm.. Teddy.. He was not doing ok before his mother died.. He was sent into.. Well..”
“HH did not have the tools to emotionally adjust to the loss of his mother.. “ Teddy closed his eye, “When my mother died I did not either.. A good teacher tried her best to keep me on the right path.. I got a love of history from her.. Right path, not so much.”
“You know.. It is so funny you say that..” Janie smiled again, “My degree is in history.. I have recommended several books.. H.H. is a big science fiction fan..” Janie sighs, “He likes me.. I should not have given him that new book by S.M.Stirling.. I was trying to encourage him.. He got a puppy dog look in his eyes.. I want you to know I would not..”
“Marching through Georgia,” Teddy smiled.. “The new book by Stirling.. I love it.. Are you a star wars fan by chance?”
“You read it,” Janie blushes! “May the force be with you..”
“You are a big geek..” Teddy smiled, “In my younger days I had a crush on an older woman.. She was a big Heinlein fan.. She got married to a loser.. Always thought if I got the chance I would roll the dice.”
“What was her favorite book,” Janie asked coily..
“She used to be a librarian.. She ..” Teddy was looking into Janie’s eyes, “Her favorite book was Stranger in a strange land.. I read it multiple times.. I never had the heart to..”
“That is so much a small world, I started as a librarian..And That is MY favorite book,” Janie shakes her head.. “Paul hates science fiction.. What is your favorite book..”
“Time enough for love,” Teddy softly smiles..”I am so with Lazusus Long.. Screw the critics..”
Janie tosses her hair, “I know.. “ Taking a deep breath, “We are getting off the subject.. “ Janie looks deeply into Teddy’s eyes, “It is funny I feel like I know you Mr…. Teddy.. “
H.H. walks into the room followed by a young lady.. “Dawn.. The Jaguar belongs to my uncle..”
An older man walks in, “Mr. Redson.. H.H. was just telling me that you will be at church tonight..”
“Mr. Burger,” Teddy stands up and sticks his hand out.. As the two men shake, “I.. I know I have a past in this town.. I turned over a new leaf.. I have a nephew to raise..”
“Teddy..” The large white man smiled, “That is the past.. God took you on a journey.. You look like he took care of you.. And Teddy.. Mr. Burger is what your nephew calls me.. Its Jim..”
“Well I know I am a member is bad standing.. The good lord has taken care of me through hardship and joy.. Mr. Burger.. Jim.. I am hoping me and my nephew are welcome.. He was telling me that saturday you are having a bake sale.. “
“To repair the Fellowship halls roof,” Jim Burger smiled as he sniffed out something.. “We are trying to raise ..”
Teddy reached into his sports coat and took out a checkbook, “I wrote the check for the church as soon as he told me.. Twenty thousand dollars..”
“That is to much, “ Jim took the check.. He got a look o his face..
“I made some good money in the commodities market.. I invested in a few businesses with it.. I am a silent partner with several gas distribution companies..” Teddy smiled, “The church did so much for my sister and my nephew..” Teddy closed Jims hand, “God takes care of those who take care of his people.. And vice versus.. If you try to give it back to me I will ..”
“Teddy.. Your a changed man.. I see god has moved in your life,”Jim put a hand on Teddy’s shoulder.. “Dont go getting your feathers ruffled.. Your definately Teddy.. “
“You have enough time to go cash it.. And to get the money into the Church’s accounts..” Teddy smiled, “Now.. I..” Looking at a rolex watch, “I have to go get My nephew some new clothes.. So we are dressed appropriately for church..”
HH got a look on his face..
“Tell you what Ms. Burger.. If your dad is ok with it.. Perhaps we can run to the mall real quick.. JC penny, Dillards, and Macys are open..” Looking at Janie, “Perhaps you can ride with Mrs. Towler.. If HH is anything like me at his age.. Shopping with him is a pain in the arse..”
“Uncle Teddy.. My clothes are ok,” HH got a look on his face..
“Daddy.. Can I please go to the mall with Mrs. Towler and Mr. Redson,” Dawn was excited..
“If Mrs. Towler goes,” Jim smiled at his daughter.. “We are having potluck tonight so no food after four little girl..”
“My car is low on gas,” Mrs. Towler sighed.. “I would love to continue our conversation..”
“Least I can do for multitasking a woman on a teacher’s salary..”Taking out his keys, “You drive the Jaguar.. I will drive your car to the gas station and fill it..”
Dawn is wide eyed as Janie catches the keys..
“I.. I am not on your insurance,” Janie bites her lip..
“Please.. I only paid five thousand for the body.. Then four thousand for the parts and labor..” Teddy grinned, “If anything happens the car is fully insured.. I will do the same thing again..”
Jim nodds in approval..
“Then.. After church we have to to our hotel room.. I am renting a room at the four seasons..” Teddy shook his head, “It will take a few months.. I only rented it for a week..”
Jim shook his, “You cant live at a hotel, HH needs a stable home.. Hum..”
“Do you have a room I can rent.. Well two rooms,” Teddy spoke.. “I can pay for all four months..”
“We do have the mother in law house.. You and mama were talking about renting it out..” Dawn spoke, “Mama said she was fixing it up first..”
“That is right,” Jim spoke.. “I will talk with the missus..We can work something out Teddy..”
HH’s eyes sparkle..
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