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Prizefighter Preschool: UFC 251: Usman vs Masvidal

Prizefighter Preschool is a preview for UFC events aimed at casual fans interested in learning more about the sport, or hardcore fans looking for even more input and perspective. With the UFC headed to Fight Island, myself and OpenFlameRecon will happily be your tour guides.
Event | UFC 251
Location | Yas Island, UAE (AKA Fight Island)
Expected Attendance | 0
Fight Pass Early Prelims Start Time | 6:00pm EST
ESPN Prelims Start Time | 8:00pm EST
ESPN+ PPV Main Card Start Time | 10:00pm EST
Prelims to Watch:
Welterweight (170lbs): Elizeu “Capoeira” Zaleski Dos Santos vs Muslim “The King of Kung Fu” Salikhov
Estimated Start Time: 9pm EST
Dos Santos vs Salikhov
Curitiba, Brazil From Buynaksk, Dagestan, Russia
22-6 Record 16-2
8-2 UFC Record 3-1
Capoiera Style Kickboxing
W (UD) Last Result W (UD)
Analysis: D: Expect an interesting bout here as elements of rarer martial arts play into what should be a striking heavy matchup. EZDS’ capoeira background manifests itself in flashy spinning kicks when he’s not throwing relentless combinations. Despite the “King of Kung Fu” nickname, Salikhov doesn’t show much Kung Fu in the cage. This is because it’s Kung Fu, and thus entirely ineffective in modern combat sports. However, his kickboxing is extremely crisp, and he is more than willing to throw vicious spinning kicks like his opponent. Salikhov has more potent 1-punch KO power, but he’ll need to overcome flurries from EZDS to show that off. C: While Salikhov is an extremely violent fighter, his style often involves throwing single big strikes at a lower pace than his opponents, in conjunction with absurd kicks that keep opponents at a distance while punishing their bodies. Meanwhile, although EZDS has looked somewhat slower in recent fights against Jingliang and Kunchenko, his volume is somewhat higher, and he has a higher tendency to throw strikes that don’t necessarily have the intention of ending the fight. As a result, it seems more likely that EZDS will be able to win with higher output and chance to do damage.
Picks: D/C: EZDS/DEC
Light Heavyweight (205lbs): (#7) Volkan “No Time” Oezdemir vs Jiri “Denisa” Prochazka
Estimated Start Time: 9:30pm EST
Oezdemir vs Prochazka
Fribourg, Switzerland From Hosteradice, Czechia
17-4 Record 26-3-1
5-3 UFC Record 0-0 (Debut)
Kickboxing Style Kickboxing
W (SD) Last Result W (KO)
Analysis: D/C: Volkan Oezdemir is an interesting case; his UFC debut saw a controversial split decision win. After that, he flatlined his next two opponents early on, making good on his “No Time” nickname. When he challenged for the Light Heavyweight title, Daniel Cormier dominated him, and he followed that loss with two more losses. A big KO win over Ilir Latifi turned that around, and a split decision over rising contender Aleksander Rakic kept that momentum going. But now he faces a debuting Jiri Prochazka, the former champion of Japanese promotion Rizin. Prochazka enters the UFC on a 7 fight KO streak, having never lost his Rizin title, rather vacating in order to switch promotions. This fight has the possibility of ending at any moment due to the explosive power of both competitors. It’s a quintessential matchup of a mid-tier contender seeking to hold their ground against a newcomer with serious hype. Oezdemir’s style has changed over the past year or so, but the fundamental basis of it involves an extremely physical clinch, backed by hard low kicks. While Jiri’s powerful striking led him to a lot of success in Rizin, it may not work out in his UFC debut, against an incredibly durable hitter like Oezdemir. Personally, I think No Time has run out of time with this matchup.
Picks: D: Prochazka/2/KO C: OezdemiDEC
Main Card
Women’s Flyweight (125lbs): (#14-SW) Amanda Ribas vs “12 Gauge” Paige VanZant
Estimated Start Time: 10:10pm (EST)
Ribas vs VanZant
Minas Gerais, Brazil From Reno, Nevada
9-1 Record 8-4
3 UFC Record 5-3
Jiu-Jitsu Style MMA
W (UD) Last Result W (sub)
Analysis: D: To me, this fight is placed far too highly on the card, because both women are “marketable”. Not that these two aren’t good, as they are (especially Ribas), however this bout is just in a place more important than it should be. Usually fighting at Strawweight, Ribas and VanZant are fighting 10 pounds heavier at Flyweight for this bout. This will be VanZant’s first bout since January of 2019, with a surgery for a broken arm and a re-breaking of said arm in-between then and now. While VanZant’s striking is fairly good, Ribas will look to take this fight to the ground and control the grappling. While 12 Gauge Paige has some decent grappling and even a few submission wins, expect Ribas to take this one should it head to the canvas. C: I think a lot of people are underrating PVZ in this fight. Ribas is a violent and exciting prospect and PVZ has been out with injury after injury, sure, but Paige is still a decent grappler with flashy striking. While I, and a lot of others, are expecting that Ribas will be able to put in work on the ground vs. PVZ, it would not shock me to see her get outstruck on the feet.
Picks: D: Ribas/1/Sub C: Ribas/2/SUB
Women’s Strawweight (115lbs): (#2) “Thug” Rose Namajunas vs (#1) Jessica “Bate Estaca” Andrade
Namajunas vs Andrade
Arvada, Colorado From Parana, Brazil
8-4 Record 20-7
6-3 UFC Record 11-5
MMA Style MMA
L (KO) Last Result L (TKO)
Analysis: D: This bout, to me, is the exact opposite of the last bout; a highly skilled matchup between top contenders and former champions. This is a rematch of a world championship bout last year in which Rose Namajunas was dominating until holding on to a kimura too long, allowing Andrade to lift her opponent and send her skull-first into the canvas with a brutal slam KO. Andrade would go on to lose her first title defense to current champ Weili Zhang, setting up this fantastic rematch. The “story” of this fight is that of an attempted comeback for two women coming off of championship losses (Rose has not fought since the last Andrade fight). However, the more interesting aspect of this bout to me is determining how much of a fluke Andrade’s win was last time around. A lot of the MMA community believes that Rose simply lost due to the single mistake of hanging on long enough to get lifted and slammed. I fall in line with that point of view. Barring another crazy circumstance, Rose should be able to strike at a distance and avoid the absurd power of Brazil’s sledgehammer. C: I think a lot of people have the wrong mindset when looking at Namajunas/Andrade 1 and are too salty about Rose losing to fairly assess the fight. Rose had an absolutely incredible first round, consistently countering Andrade every time she stepped in, and even dropping her at one point. Her footwork is extremely light, and she has excellent in-and-out movement to compliment heavy hands and lethal grappling. Andrade, meanwhile, is like a female John Lineker, and a 5’1 Wanderlei Silva. Hooks, hooks, hooks. If Andrade ever threw a straight punch, I’d be concerned about which universe I’m living in. Her height lets her excel at throwing to the body and getting into a clinch, while her unreal strength lets her throw opponents around with minimal effort. However, Andrade seriously struggles with an opponent who can move around her with ease, and an opponent who can comfortably counter her on the way in (demonstrated recently by Zhang and Namajunas). Some people look at the first fight, see the success in the first round, and say Namajunas was winning the entire fight, and the slam was a lucky fluke. Here’s the thing for me: do I see a second slam happening? Not necessarily, but I think the option is there. The bigger thing for me is that Namajunas was beginning to slow down in the second round, and Andrade’s leg kicks were adding up. While she was not winning the round before the slam, she was very liable to pick up the next three or so rounds with consistent heavy leg kicks and pressure. In a five round fight, I’d probably pick Andrade here, but the 3 round bout leads me to think Namajunas can at least somewhat replicate her prior performance.
Picks: D/C: Namajunas/DEC
UFC Bantamweight Championship (135lbs)(vacant):(#3) Petr “No Mercy” Yan vs (#6) Jose Aldo “Junior”
Yan vs Aldo
Yekaterinburg, Russia From Manaus, Brazil
14-1 Record 28-6
6-1 UFC Record 10-5
Muay Thai Style Muay Thai/BJJ
W (KO) Last Result L (DEC)
Analysis: D: WARNING: SALT INCOMING. This is a great fight, but let’s be real, it isn’t the Bantamweight title fight-- that happened at UFC 250 when Sterling beat Sandhagen. For those unaware, UFC Bantamweight Champion Henry Cejudo retired at UFC 249, vacating his title. With a bout upcoming between the #2 and #4 in the division, the UFC instead decided to make the title fight between the #3 and the #6 a month after that because Jose Aldo is a former champ and a big name. Aldo lost his only fight since dropping down to bantamweight. While it was a razor-thin decision (that many thought he won) against the #1 contender, the official ruling was that he lost. Aljamain Sterling is the real bantamweight champion. With that rant out of the way, this fight should be incredible. Yan is a phenomenal rising contender with heavy hands, and Jose Aldo is one of the greatest of all time. While past his prime, Aldo proved in his last fight that he could still hang with the best in this 135lb division. Yan has extremely impressive power for this division and can turn out his opponent’s lights at any second. But Aldo’ leg kicks could easily chop Yan down before that occurs. While Aldo is all around a better striker, I fear that Yan’s power, and dehydration from the weight cut affecting Aldo’s chin could spell disaster for the King of Rio. C: Aldo used to be one of the biggest featherweights in the UFC, looking like nothing short of a corpse going into weigh-ins. The talk for years was always about Jose moving up in weight, so when he first mentioned changing weight classes, the MMA world was mortified to learn he meant going DOWN in weight, not up. That being said, he didn’t look awful in his fight against Marlon Moraes (in fact, I scored it for him at the time). One of, if not the greatest fighter of all time, Aldo’s style has evolved drastically over the years. From a violent and explosive finisher who would blast leg kicks to a one of the best defensive fighters in MMA, to a boxer with grueling liver shots, Aldo has proven himself both extremely adaptable and durable. In his bout with Moraes, however, things were a bit weird. The first round included a head kick that sent Aldo reeling, and the third round featured a much lower output from Aldo than one would have expected. While he looked great in the second round, that clearly was not a sustainable performance, and as such leaves a lot of room for concern against a beast like Yan. On that note, Petr Yan is an absolute savage. With good boxing, hard kicks, and a nasty clinch, Yan’s game is rounded out by brutal pressure, ceasely backing his opponent into the fence at all costs. Although his guard does leave room for improvement, having seen him hit hard or countered by opponents like Dodson and Rivera, even a hurt Petr Yan will force his opponents backwards. While his performance vs. Rivera was saved by a series of heavy knockdowns at the end of the rounds, I’m not sure how heavily to judge him for it-- after the fact, Yan mentioned having been stung by a jellyfish and experiencing a fever leading up to the fight. In addition, Aldo would be the best fighter that he has faced in his entire UFC career by a wide margin, and there may end up being levels to this shit. A prime Jose Aldo would give a fighter like Yan fits with his defensive footwork and counterpunching capabilities, but the Moraes performance did not give a lot to look forward to. Although it’s possible that Aldo turns back the clock yet again and blasts Yan early in the first round, it seems more plausible to me that by the second round, Yan will be turning up the heat to a late finish against an all-time great. PS: Sterling deserves the next title shot.
Picks: D: Yan/2/KO C: Yan/3/KO
UFC Featherweight Championship (145lbs): © Alexander “The Great” Volkanovski vs (#1) Max “Blessed” Holloway 2
Volkanovski vs Holloway
Shellharbour, NSW, Australia From text
21-1 Record text
8-0 UFC Record text
Kickboxing Style text
W (DEC) Last Result L (DEC)
Analysis: D: Instant rematches tend not to go well for former champions, and I see this bout following that trend. Max Holloway’s entire run to the featherweight title, and every subsequent defense of the title, all had one thing in common; volume striking. Holloway would drown out opponents in relentless flurries across rounds, picking up the pace as his opponents tired out. So when Alexander Volkanovski dethroned Holloway last year by outstriking him, it came as a surprise. With the pandemic admittedly affecting Max’s ability to train with his usual sparring partners, and so little time for changes to be made between this bout and the first, I expect Volkanovski to successfully defend here, as much as that upsets me. C: Outside of going on a rant about how dumb instant rematches tend to be, I’m uncertain of how Max Holloway could improve his odds of winning going into the fight. His normal style consists of dragging his opponents into deep water and drowning them, drastically picking up the pace between the first couple rounds and the final three. With a good jab, the ability to fight from both stances, and a size advantage over his opponents, Max was able to compile an insane 14 fight unbeaten streak (at featherweight). Volkanovski’s career has been similarly impressive, with a streak capped off by wins over Chad Mendes, Jose Aldo, and Max Holloway. His early fights involved him grinding his opponents out with extremely physical and violent wrestling, while the latter several fights of his career demonstrated his aptitude for feinting and kickboxing. The first fight between Volkanovski and Holloway involved a few critical tactics by Volkanovski: the constant leg kicks inhibited Max’s normal movement, while his feinting and handfighting stopped Max from being able to effectively jab to set up his combos. For the most part, every time that Holloway stepped in to try and throw combinations, Volkanovski would stifle it by throwing a heavy counter. Max was able to adapt somewhat in the later rounds, but his success was rather muted. It feels to me like Max would have to make a number of notable adjustments to his style in order to win, while Volkanovski has far less work to do (and, in fact, can revert to the grind-heavy style of his early career if necessary). Finally, Max has made comments about not having his coaches with him for sparring or training during the pandemic and while I do not believe him in entirety, I’m more than a bit concerned about what it might imply. Although I’d love to see Blessed pull this one off, I don’t feel comfortable picking him.
Picks: D/C: Volkanovski/DEC
Main Event: UFC Welterweight Championship (170lbs): © “The Nigerian Nightmare” Kamaru Usman vs (#3/BMF) Jorge “Gamebred” Masvidal
Usman vs Masvidal
Ft. Lauderdale, FL From Miami, FL
16-1 Record 35-13
11-0 UFC Record 11-6
Wrestling Style Boxing/Kickboxing
W(TKO) Last Result W (Doctor Stoppage)
Analysis: D: The most hyped up fight on this card, and the main event, did not exist as it does now just a few days ago. The original main event for this card was Usman defending his 170lb title against his teammate, Gilbert Burns. Because of this situation, Usman switched gyms temporarily. This switch proved to be a great decision as his original opponent and a few teammates caught COVID19. With Burns (the most deserving contender) out, the UFC decided to pay Jorge Masvidal the big bucks he thought he was worth and have him fight for the belt on short notice. Masvidal has been a consistent figure in the UFC for years, but was never more than a mid-card fighter. A stint on a survivor-like reality show had Masvidal claiming he’d come back “baptizing” people. While Jesus may not be a fan of CTE[a], Street Jesus certainly is, and Masvidal came back to flatline heavy favorite Darren Till in Till’s home country of England. Next, Masvidal was paired with undefeated wrestler Ben Askren. Knowing Askren’s striking to be terrible, Masvidal anticipated that Askren’s first move would be to dive in for a takedown. One flying knee later and Akren’s undefeated record was gone, in its place was Masvidal’s fastest knockout in UFC history record at just 5 seconds. All this talk about baptizing people and being a “bad motherfucker” caught the eye of Nate Diaz, who called for a fight with Masvidal to see if the east coast or west coast gangsters were more, well, gangster. The UFC, seeing a huge money fight, but not wanting to allow a single PPV event without a title belt on the line, instituted the “BMF” belt. While the BMF belt was nothing more than a vanity plate for the winner of a fun fight, Masvidal taking said belt via doctor stoppage was enough to start serious talk of him being a title contender. Cue months of money disputes, and one unfortunate case of COVID later and Masvidal is getting his shot at the real belt. While Masvidal was baptizing fools, Usman was welterweight champion, having dominated Tyron Woodley in shocking fashion to take the belt. The Nigerian Nightmare then took out noted loudmouth tool Colby Covington in his first defense. The two fighters known for their excellent wrestling decided that their hatred of one another was more important, leading to neither man attempting a takedown and both men trying to take each other’s heads off with punches. Usman cathartically broke the jaw of Covington to end the night. One interesting note here is Usman’s switch of gyms. Temporarily working under Trevor Wittman, I think Usman’s striking may greatly improve. If it does, Masvidal might be in serious trouble. While Masvidal has serious KO power and good grappling, he stands to get outwrestled for 5 rounds if he can’t close the show early. Usman’s chin and possible improvements to his striking game lead me to think that Gamebred won’t get such an opportunity. C: Usman is an extremely talented wrestler with endless cardio and a slowly developing striking game. Having shown himself capable of outstriking and outgrappling wrestlers like Covington and Woodley, while dominating strikers like RDA, the champion has put together a skillset and resume that leave some questioning who will be able to take the belt off of him. Between his solid clinch entries and consistent bodywork, Usman has few weaknesses to be exploited. However, some notable deficiencies in his game are present in his comfort standing (while his offensive striking is improving, his defense and capacity for getting out of the way of punches leaves something to be desired). Masvidal, meanwhile, is well suited to take advantage of some of these deficiencies. Having been around for nearly two decades in the fight game, his skill set is extremely well rounded. From showing incredible kick-catching against the likes of Ellenberger and Cerrone, to stuffing takedowns from Bendo and surviving on the mat against Maia (who went on to describe Masvidal as having some of the best defensive BJJ he’d ever faced), Masvidal has brought his game to a new level by demonstrating an urgency to finish fights that was lacking in his previous title runs. Given the extreme short notice nature of the bout, it’s kind of hard to pick against Usman here. Maybe the short notice will benefit Masvidal through a combination of not overtraining/a new stylistic matchup/willingness to take risks, but betting on x-factors like that against a champion as consistent as Kamaru Usman doesn’t make sense to me here. The more likely scenario, to me, is that a combination of Usman’s superior grappling and Masvidal’s short notice preparation will result in a successful defense of the title.
Picks: D/C: Usman/DEC
[a]jesus loves knockouts
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D100 things, scenes or events you might witness in a zombie infested city

What might people find in houses or in the streets of a city filled with undead?
1) zombies stood idle in an alleyway
2) zombies eating the corpse of a man wearing snakeskin boots
3) a stowaway dog, uninfected and scared
4) a family barricaded away in a shelter
5) a man whose arm has been torn off next to a chainsaw.
6) A zombie man wearing a sign around his neck that reads "THE END IS NEAR"
7) A group of soldiers throwing the corpses of the infected into a fire.
8) A ragtag group of civilians armed with weapons are attacking and antagonizing anyone they assume is infected.
9) A woman with a bloody knife in her hand and tears rolling down her face, standing over the dead body of an infected child.
10) An amputee in a wheelchair is stuck in a corner while a crawling zombie slowly tries to bite the survivor
11) A battered and bloody sword wielding survivor kneels next to a sobbing woman surrounded by the once-more-dead. The survivor will commit seppuku, after his last words to the woman.
12) A pub named The Winchester surrounded by a pack of zombies that are pounding on the boarded up windows and doors. There are probably over a hundred zombies.
13) A swarm of zombies pound and claw at a bank vault. Trapped inside a bank vault, the only survivor of a transport crew moving the only know cure away from the fallen research center. He was faced with a choice: Let the infection claim him, and hope the cure is found by luck, or save himself and hope to live. He choose the later.
14) An older gentleman who had been turned into a zombie, with one of the front facing baby carriers. He’s trying to eat the passenger of it, but upon closer inspection it’s a rubber baby doll
15) A wobbling zombie who was intoxicated before being infected
16) A ramp leading to the roof of a boarded up gas station. A radio has been rigged up inside to draw the dead into the open skylight where they fall and are trapped. Once a day, someone comes by with a silenced weapon to finish them off.
17) A man accidentally locks himself out of his shelter and desperately tries to unlock it as a pack encroaches on him
18) A pair of heavily armed survivors carrying loot, possibly from an enemy faction if the campaign has any, is ambushed by a small horde of zombies and looks to be losing. Do you help them or scavenge their loot once the horde is done with them?
19) A crowd of zombies chase after and overrun a person in a mascot outfit. If the party acts fast enough, the person can be rescued, their costume protecting them from most of the bites and scratches.
20) Two children are trapped in a car. Zombies are close of the vehicule but haven't noticed them. One of the kid have his hand on the mouth of his little brother
21) In the car park of a well known supermarket, a zombie is slowly pushing a shopping trolley.
22) Several zombie heads (some of them missing jaws) are impaled on spikes.
23) Ripped posters which detail the best methods of how to dispatch the undead.
24) A graveyard where all the graves are empty. Closer inspection will reveal that they will broken open from the inside.
25) An armed group of survivors forcing someone to strip, so they can see if the person has any bite marks.
26) A survivor is running down a street being chased by a pack of zombies, while several snipers on rooftops pick off the zombies.
27) Several zombies are chasing a remote control car, that is dragging a bloody piece of cloth behind it.
28) A group of 4 survivors wearing improvised armor. 2 are carrying spears the other 2 are carrying machetes. Upon encountering a zombie the 2 with spears impale it and hold it in place while the 2 with machetes hack it to pieces.
29) A zombie football player has someone pinned to the ground. The football helmet is preventing them from being able to biting their victim.
30) A street is blocked off by zombies that have been chained to a fixed object in the area.
31) Zombie wearing a (Evil Dead / Night of the Living Dead / Resident Evil / Walking Dead / Zombie Land) t-shirt.
32) A group of survivors smashing or chopping off the heads of any corpses they come across.
33) A survivor is forced to drop a heavy bag so he or she can outrun a horde of approaching zombies. The bag contains (ammo / food / guns / hand tools / how to books / solar panels)
34) A large group of zombies are pounding on an armored truck. The truck ran out of gas. One or more survivors is trapped inside.
35) A loudspeaker blares from a building. "Anyone still alive do not approach." "The zombies will be attracted to the sound of this speaker." "We are going to detonate explosives, once enough zombies are in the target area."
36) It's an absolutely quiet street with several abandoned cars. As you check the cars for anything useful, the car alarm starts blaring.
37) Following a trail of blood leads to a gore splattered alley way being used as a biohazard dump. The ground is knee deep with blood, fluids and bodies. The only living thing here is a lone survivor in a makeshift hazmat suit sifting through this carnage looking for something.
38) A tabletop game shop is completely untouched. In the store's center is a mini diorama of the store employees displayed fighting off zombie figurines. They're still alive somewhere.
39) A large dog growls at anyone who approaches it's zombified master, willing to fight to the death to protect him. If the dog is killed, its owner will bite the body raising the dog into undeath and the two will become totally placid, reunited at last.
40) Coming around the corner you see a zombie eating a dog, it looks up at you.
41) The local pharmacy, barricaded with semi trailers, the pharmacist camped out on the roof with a gas mask and a rifle. Will trade painkillers, antibiotics, and protective gear for other valuable goods, give other medicines to anyone who asks for them by name and can pass a basic test that they actually know what it's for, and hands out diapers and formula to any surviving parents as long as his stash holds out.
42) A man on a water tower with a battery operated power tool, a bottle of scotch, and no way out after sawing the rungs off the ladder to keep the zombies from getting to them. If asked politely, will tip the party off to any obvious threats they can see.
43) What's left of an aid station. Surrounded by barbed wire and portable barriers, the people who died inside are now trapped in undeath, along with a potential treasure trove of supplies.
44) A gun store. Heavy metal shutters protect the doors and windows, and heavy concrete planters obstruct any attempts to ram the entryway. Listening carefully, the party can hear something shuffling around inside.
45) The remains of an improvised armored fighting vehicle. Originally a bulldozer, the vehicle has heavy concrete and steel armor, and firing ports for the driver. The AFV is trapped, having tried to drive through a house and fallen into the basement when the floor buckled under it's weight.
46) An overrun police barricade. Three cars block off a road, but the police themselves are now absent.
47) A park with a stage where actors were performing a play by Shakespeare ... only now, the actors and audience are zombies and hungry for your brains!
48) A taxi has crashed into a streetlight. The driver is mostly missing; only his severed right hand is still clutching the steering wheel and his bloody innards are splashed over his seat and the floorboards.
49) A old man who has taken to a well made tree house in the park's largest trees and plays Vietnam era music as he cusses out local politicians for not listening and shoots zombies with a musket and homemade shot and powder.
50) A kindly old woman in a rose and tan suit is just going around like nothing is wrong. Her look, smell, and gait is fooling the zombies and she blames the shambling horde on a drinking holiday that was canceled twenty years ago.
51) A large group of homeless have taken advantage of the chaos and have taken control of a block of apartment buildings where they have walled off the street and began making a safe haven with the knowledge of the bird people (the crazy people you see raising pigeons), boozers (distillers for moonshine, hooch, and toilet wines), the vets (from Korean to Vietnam to War on Terror experience), and the urban survivalists (the pre zombie scavengers and tinkers).
52) A group of engineering students have been making makeshift anti personnel mines, noisemakers, pipe bombs, mobile controlled turrets and sentry guns. They are not the best at articulating their ideas or feelings but, mean well.
53) A group of racist that tried to use a collection of zombies they caged to target minorities they hated, but, a few of the idiots got infected and the majority of the group is part of the horde. On the bright side, their bodies are loaded with ammo, guns, and weapons they can not use.
54) A local crazy man is now completely covered in a local museum's full suit of armor and is armed with a shotgun and a claymore sword. He reinforced the armor with a undercoat and overcoat of chainmail he painstakingly made. "Now, parry this.", "Git gud.", "I use 'Smite'." are just a few of the lines he says.
55) An elder couple are bickering on the lines of "I told you buy these belt-fed rifles were a great investment." "I never said they weren't." old man pulls out a recording of the woman "ROBERT ,YOU IDIOT, WE ARE RETIRED AND ON PENSION! WHY THE HELL DID YOU SPEND $6000 ON GIMICHY ASSAULT RIFLES? WHAT IS THE REASON? RED DAWN AGAIN! FU9KING ZOMBIES! PRESIDENT FARTS SOUNDED LIKE TAKE RIFLES!" She replies as she evil eyes him "If I did not love you, I would have just let that zombie stripper in Reno get you."
56) A group of necrophiliacs have been emboldened and have been keeping zombies as sex slaves and labor forces.
57) A group of the rich have taken to hunting survivors and making sports out of releasing zombies into poverty stricken areas as "labor transfers".
58) A maximum security prison system has rebelled and became a safe haven for survivors. The Warden is now a veteran guardsman who was placed into a cell by his peers when he spoke up to release trustworthy prisoners to amp up security but, now he is very draconic with rapists, child-abusers, and pointless killings.
59) A doomed survivor leaps off of a tall building. The horde of zombies follows like lemmings, crashing into the pavement below.
60) A formerly wealthy survivor is trying to trade his or her box of gold and silver coins for food, guns, and ammo.
61) A survivor in a lab coat is shooting zombies with a super soaker. The zombies kill the survivor, then they turn on each other, tearing each other to shreds. What ever chemical is in the super soaker screws up the means by which zombies identify the living vs. other zombies.
62) A group of zombies appears to be attacking another group of zombies. One group are actually actors for a zombie movie or cosplayers. (early into the apocalypse).
63) Group of zombie with the same uniform, outfit, or costume (army / business suits / cheerleaders / civil war reenactment / clowns / firemen / furries / hazmat suits / lab coats / police / prisoner uniform / sports team / storm trooper costumes / etc).
64) A group of zombie children, standing around a playground until they see prey.
65) Zombie animals (dogs / cats / rats / zoo animals [elephant / giraffe / lion / polar bear / rhino / tiger] / etc)
66) The city aquarium. The penguin exhibit, usually a children’s favorite, has become a nightmare with zombified penguins hoping around on the rocks and swimming towards anyone brave (or stupid) enough to get close to the barricades.
67) A survivor has left a shit ton of swivel guns on trip wires. Once a tripwire has been pulled, it makes the swivel point at them and a loud click sound where a human who is taken their time can step back and arming it. Keep tugging the wire a little more puts a volley of grape shot into the general direction of the tugged wire.
68) A toothless zombie with a bomb vest neon spray-painted with a phone number, a tourniqueted pillows on each of their limbs, and a watch with alarm going off is shambling around. It looks like it was a pacifist who when turning and made a plan to take as many zombies after they turned by having someone else destroy him and whatever else is close to them.
69) Civil war reenactors are now fighting against zombies in a mixed battle doctrine of scorched earth and guerrilla warfare campaign. The confederates and union soldiers are now getting along as the confederates are now on the winning side technically and the union soldiers are finally getting a share of the free schnapps that the confederates kept getting sponsored by each year.
70) A gang war has turned ugly as an alliance that would have kept a community or two safe fell apart due to old matters and allegiances boiling to the surface again. Now, there is more food for the zombies in a few alleys and streets. On the bright side, if you are wearing the right color that day and can give the right lingo, you may get a bet of help or shot in the head.
71) A former accountant has become a mysterious stranger with a 44 magnum revolver, a lever action shotgun and lever-action rifle. He has a knack for trick shots and old western quips. If you are lucky, you might find a single shot 12 gauge pistol he leaves in the hope it may help.
72) A system of well-made drones have been seen moving around the city and dropping several pipe bombs on large groups of zombies or giving care packages to survivors. No one knows where they are getting charged up, stocked up, piloted from or repaired, but, it is well known that the downed drones explode like a proximity mine.
73) An extremely morbidly obese zombie that has been spotted in an inhabited apartment building. He has been in his home for the past 39 months and has been a zombie for the past 3 months. Due to his size, lack of hygiene, and his bed-ridden state, the musk off of him is keeping the zombies at bay as they think it is a giant zombie. It has been feeding on the infected corpses that the survivors throw it and kept alive on zombie flesh.
74) An active church full of lit religious candles and symbols. A child soldier turn priest is keeping his flock safe and ensuring anyone who comes for aid is truly pure. The priest understands how to tell the true self from a liar's hide and will act accordingly to the situation. He will keep you alive if you are useful or able to barter something else.
75) A cult begins to form around becoming a zombie means unification of humanity post mortem. Most members become zeds by voluntary infection but, a sub sect of them (leadership) aims on using the undead members as cannon fodder for raiding as they lack training and an effective leader.
76) A crazed vet is actively killing any zombie he sees and is immune to bites or infection as scars are visible on his body. His child was eaten by zeds early on and he aches from guilt and pain for not being able to save them. He needs a reason to live as his rage is burning him up from the inside out.
77) A gay community is now desperately actively trying to save anyone who is alive. They do not care if they die. They care if others live. They are the saviours of many who hated them and they feel the pain of the past yet forgive as they view life as precious and not to be lost to the deathless.
78) A sentient zombie who actively tries to do the right thing but was an addict before the infections began. They can control nearby zombie to a point and just aim on banging the hotter zombies instead of doing something productive. (Former clown by occupation and white trash by nature)
79) A group of spec ops has began to work for a cartel as their leadership has shown they did not care for them. They aim to make the world better under the cartel than if government ran. They are great allies or enemies.
80) A zombie who covered in cheap mall ninja shit is limbing around with a few unrusted blades and novelty wall decoration weapons on their back. It looks like they spent either $50 to $5000 on the things strapped to them.
81) A series of empty barrels have become a rainwater collection operation for a survivor or community on a set of buildings. A sniper has taken to a watchtower and thinks they are alone. They have seen "special" zombies who panamined normality (a bandit who was bit, lied, and turned). They are aiming to outlive any of the dead and think everyone is a zed.
82) A police force has began to fracture on the basis of beliefs from the pressure of the apocalypse. A sect of protectors, oath-sworn, racists, power-players, and vengeful bastards/bitches began to emerge as the dead roam the streets.
83) A mother has began to cover herself with zombie gore to kill more zombies as her child is now dead and she now must kill all the abominations. She doesn't care about herself ever since her baby died.
84) A group of gunsmiths and blacksmiths are arming anyone who comes to them. They know the more the living there are, the better the situation for them. Selfless or self-focused they help everyone.
85) A zombie with a living baby on their chest is wandering and killing anyone or endangers the baby. The baby does not understand life or death and views killing as a interesting thing. May grow to be a zombie killer supreme or a psychopathic killer if saved.
86) A last stand of a hellbent on surviving member of a community is apparent as you enter the scene. Empty guns discarded. A few unused rounds left. A part of hunting knives in the suspected last surviving man who died with the words "Keep killing" carved in the man's chest. Throwing axes in many a zed's head.
87) A place with flushing toilets and running water is found. Finally a warm shower, safe haven, and toilet paper dream is in reach.
88) A tank that has ran out of ammunition, diesel and hope is now under siege by the horde as the surviving occupants are awaiting death as their call for assistance is met with silence. There is no painless deaths for anyone of them as ration their food and water of the last days of their lives.
89) A crazed teen has their whole zombified family around them on chains without arms or jaws. The crazed teen acts as if nothing has changed but, they truly knows it is all a sham. Their family acts as camouflage and keeps the zombies from attacking them. They are mentally scarred but, an efficient killer.
90) A group of conspiracy theorists have devotedly protected a group of students as they are the chosen ones. No ones knows what they were chosen for but, they are chosen ones.
91) A shady group of chefs and mercs are offering cheap meals to free meals. Strange meat dishes may be zombie or human or truly profound meat based dishes and they may lie about the "pork" dishes.
92) A zombie who was a chef is cooking human flesh like an artisan for anyone who will eat. It will give you all the energy you need with a serious case of the shakes.
93) A crazy cat lady has keep her flock of cats from getting affected but, a team of tomcats has released a territorial musk marker of a behemoth beast has become more territorial due to zeds. Kill the zombies who try eat cats or lose a safe haven.
94) A group of suicidal people begin their attacks on the group. They just slit their own throats and are not too effective.
95) A man eating chicken is spotted in the old fair grounds. It is not too noteworthy as it is just a man eating chicken in the old fair grounds.
96) A odd odor is coming from a backpack of the survivors in your party. You might have a mental problem or a cannibal amongst you all.
97) You find a dead survivor's stash of cat fat. It makes good lip balm or cooking grease. Hope you like two day old cat grease
98) You find a stockpile of ammo, guns, explosive, and canned meat in the home of a deceased redneck. Yee Yee. Time to open a Pabst Blue.
99) A special strain of marijuana is found that rehumanizes zombies. Sadly the strain has a low seed rate to replant. May need to cross-breed it but, it may lead to the human eating relapses in the zombies who smoke it.
100) You find the operational controls to a low orbit ion cannon from a science heavy division. Lucky you as you now can take over the world without a second thought or infighting. You have the power of God and Anime on your side now.
submitted by Gregoirelechevalier to d100 [link] [comments]

DEMOLITION DAYS, PART 82.01^©

Continuing©
“Um, yeah,” I say, “Look Leo. Maybe we all got off on the wrong foot. Dinner’s going so go ahead and get your camp set. There’s cold beer and hot coffee if you like, some vodka if you care to partake. We’ll be eating in about an hour.
“Very well,” he says, spins on his heel and stomps off.
“Oh, good,” I think, “that went really well.”
Back at the campfire, Chuck and Al already have their tents set up and their gear in their tents; as I had their tents in the back of my truck.
They were still fuming, but already on their second beer.
“Well, so much for orientation tonight,” I say. “We’ll do dinner and afterward have a little powwow and let Leonard know just how the cow ate the cabbage.”
We sit around and tend to the lovely bison flank roast. It smells delectable.
Over beers and vodka, Chuck and Al are mellowing out slightly. The smells of the imminent dinner push out the last of their exasperations.
They help me maneuver my worktable over as it will now serve double duty as a dinner table. All the mugs, plates and utensils are set out. I bring the roast over and let it rest a while whilst I refresh my drink.
The camp potatoes are done to a turn. The corn on the cob is roasted to perfection. I busy myself making my signature mixed-berry cobbler a la The Netherlands Oven for dessert.
I even have a few cans of store-bought whipped cream. A special treat.
I tell Chuck and/or Al to call Leonard over to dinner.
I busy myself with service.
Chuck, Al and I dig in. Leonard’s nowhere to be seen.
I throw a paper towel over my food, get up, and go off over to Leonard’s tent.
Holy fuckbuckets. He’s got a huge canvas cabin tent. It’ll last forever out here. That is until the first gust of wind over 5 K/h blows through.
“Leonard,” I say, “Chow time.”
“It will just have to wait.” He replies, “I have to finish with my tent and get my supplies moved in.”
“Food’s ready now!,” I say, “This isn’t a fucking cafeteria y’know, Sonny Jim.”
I turn and walk back to my dinner.
I sit, and grab some sourdough bread to sop up the lovely bison flank roast gravy.
“USPS Parcel post™?” I say to Chuck and Al. “He doesn’t rate fourth-class.”
We are all finished with dinner, even with whortleberry cobbler with fresh, canned whipped cream. There’s a considerable pile of dishes. We’re all sitting around with our post-prandial drinks and smokes.
“Guys,” I say, “Can you please do the dishes tonight? It’s his first night. “
Al and Chuck say no problem. Then they ask about Leonard.
I sit and think, then I get a bit peeved. I’m running this show. I’m not used to nor allow anyone to push me around.
I growl to the guys, “Damn it all to hell, I can tolerate arrogance. I can tolerate self-importance. But this insolence, and everything on his schedule. This shit is going to stop now.”
I stand up and loudly yell: “LEONARD! Front and center, NOW!”
Leonard slouches over some minutes later.
“You going to eat?” I ask.
“Well,” he says exasperated, “After your display at my tent, I went ahead and ate what I bought for myself.”
“OK, Chuckles,” I say, “Grab a seat. We’re havin’ a ‘Come to Jesús’ meeting©, right fucking now.”
Leonard rolls his eyes skyward and grudgingly accepts a seat from Al who stands back to watch the fireworks.
“OK,” I begin, “Number one: lose the attitude. This is not a colloquium, or a day at the club, or your private vacation. This is serious work.”
He looks at me through bored eyes.
“Secondly,” I add, “I’m the hookin’ bull© around here. The boss man. What I says, goes; or you do. Got that? I’m not one for sugar coating anything, just ask Chuck and Al.”
Chuck and Al look at Leonard and emphatically shake their heads yes.
“Third,” I continue, “I don’t give a blinkered albino rat fuck who you were back in the world or what you think you are here. You are my field hand. That’s it. Pure and fucking simple. You will listen and heed every fucking little bit of what I tell you and you will fucking–A rightly comply. Either you do that or you leave. Don’t listen to me and choose to stay and you may end up finding yourself dead.”
He looks at me like I just kicked Grandmama down a particularly steep flight of stairs.
“Yeah,” I say, “Dead. Finito. Breathe no more. Joined the choir invisible. Shuffled off this mortal coil. Why? Because you don’t listen to what I’m teaching and you pick up that rock that had a scorpion hiding under it. You pick up that fuzzed blasting cap and lose a hand or eye or worse. You wander into a death gulch in a mine and take one final breath. This ain’t no pleasure tour, me old mucker. This is work. Hard work. Dangerous, potentially deadly work. Listen to me and learn, you’ll be fine. Ignore me at your eternal peril. We green©, mister?”
“Green©?” he scoffs.
Al pipes up, “That means you understand and comply Scooter?”
Leonard looks like he’s just pissed on an electric cattle fence.
“Oh. Very well,” he stoops to answer.
“Right,” I keep going, “Now that’s all sorted, you’re not here alone. We’re all responsible for each other. We all depend on what the other knows, that he knows what the fuck he’s doing, and isn’t too stupid or afraid to do carry it out. We are a team. As such, we work, eat, play, and sleep together. And wipe that smirk off your face, you little shit, you know I don’t mean that last part literally.”
He sighs and just stares at me.
“OK,” I finish up, “You either accept these conditions or we drive your happy ass back to Reno tomorrow. No pay, no credits, and a big, black splotch on your fucking permanent fucking Rocas Rojas School of Fucking Mines record. Makes no never mind to me. We did it before without you, and if you really don’t want to be here, we’ll do fine without you again. Your choice.”
He sits and ponders that last bit of information.
“Oh. Very well,” he says, “I accept your terms and conditions. May I leave?”
“Right after you do the damn dinner dishes,” I say, get up, and put fire to a new heater.
Mr. Leonard trudges over and grudgingly stares at the pile of dinnerware, pots, pans, utensils, and Dutch Ovens in the pre-washbasin.
We have separate washbasins for dinner plates, silverware and the like. They get Dairy Lotion™, the Lemon Scented type. It really cuts the grease.
We use Grandma NaOh’s® (not a block of real soap, look at the formula) brand lye-enhanced soap in the washbasins for the Dutch Ovens. It removes char, tar, and other stains.
He angrily, splashily pitches everything into the lye water basin after I’ve already informed him, emphatically, what goes where.
I stop, turn, stomp back and am ready to soak someone’s head for them.
“Look you dopey bastard!© I’m not telling you again! This goes here, that goes there!”
No job is worth all this aggro…
I wander off with Charles and Albert to heavily refresh our beverages.
Early the next morning, I’m feeling a bit more felicitous, and in a cooking mood. I’m fixing eggs to order, flapjacks, grilled leftover lovely bison flank roast strips, camp kringle, and camp coffee.
It’s early, still right around 0700. I tend to run a loose camp, but I break out the air horn, give three quick blasts and holler “Breakfast”.
I hear “FIRE IN THE HOLE!”© from Chuck and Al’s tents as they come running.
My eggs to order are the stuff of legend.
Leonard’s nowhere to be seen or heard.
We decide to eat, and afterward I wander over to Leonard’s tent.
“Wakey, wakey,” I say brightly.
No reply.
I ‘knock’ on the tent, rattling it. Leonard’s snoring like a chainsaw in his goose down sleeping bag, perched upon his blow-up air mattress.
I swear the damned sleeping bag is monogrammed. Silk probably. I stand there, just shaking my head.
I pull the air horn out of my vest pocket and aim it directly at his tent.
“BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!” reports the air horn.
Leonard sits bolt upright. He looks like he’s about to shit himself.
“Why hello there, bright eyes,” I say, “Breakfast is now being served in the dining nook.”
"Arble-gargle worble moosh?" Leonard articulates, spouting an altered quote from the Harvard Lampoon’s ‘Bored of the Rings’ parody of J.R.R. Tolkien’s ‘Lord of the Rings’.
“Yes. Now.,” I say, as I turn and walk back to my coffee.
Back at camp, I rewarm my coffee, pull out a cigar, and savor my morning cuppa.
“Where’s Leo?” Chuck asks.
“Probably trying to order room service or changing his drawers, “ I say, “Even money bet either way.”
Chuck and Al clean up the breakfast dishes. It’s now a full hour since I announced chow.
“Well,” I grouse, “Looks like he missed breakfast. Al, get me a postage meter.”
Chuck and Al both laugh.
Leonard wanders over a while later.
“Leonard,” I say, “You missed breakfast. Is this going to be a common occurrence?”
“Well,” he huffs, “After your rude awakening, I had to wash up, get dressed, brush my teeth. I don’t know about all you, but that takes me some time in the morning to prepare for the day’s activities.”
“How about that?” I say, “Well, Leonard, here’s a newsflash. Breakfast from here on out is at 0630 sharp; plan accordingly.”
“Thanks, asshole,” Chuck and Al growl lowly.
“Well, after my morning coffee, I must go brush my teeth and wash up. Going to be a long day, I fear.” I say to all present.
“Right after my morning cigar,” I say, chuckling.
“OK, then,” I add, “Weapons detail in a half hour. Meet over by that outcrop of ferruginous sandstone to the west.”
I leave to grab some supplies and wander over to my improvised shooting range.
I set up a quick range with a series of old, rusty cans. They’re always in abundance around old mine sites. They are not considered artifacts.
Chuck and Al wander up with their Glucks. I, of course, have my large uber-caliber sidearm.
“Where’s Leo?” I ask.
“Surprisingly, he’s coming.” Al says, “Said he needed something out of his tent first.”
“Marvelous,” I mumble.
Leonard walks up with his pith helmet, in his field-finest; sporting a very expensive pair of yellow Glare-No-More Bay Fan shooter’s shades. 450 buck sunglasses. I’m not terribly impressed.
“Very trendy,” I say as he walks up. “You do know we work mostly underground, don’t you?”
“Yes. So?” he haughtily replies.
“Not a lot of sunshine in a subsurface mine” I reply.
Whatever.
I go over the reasons why we need to carry sidearms. The usual. Snakes, scorpions, spiders, signaling…pests.
Leonard looks on, uninterested.
I pass out three pairs of earplugs, I already have my noise-cancellers installed.
“Chuck,” I say, “Send a postcard home.”
Five shots, five holed cans.
I guess our many target practice sessions have helped.
“Highest marks, Mr. Charles,” I say, “Mr. Albert?”
He draws his Gluck. Five shots, four holed cans.
“Rock,” he protests, “These are hotter loads than the last ones. I fizzed the first shot. You didn’t tell me.”
“Let that be a lesson to you.,” I replied, “Good thing that one you missed wasn’t a pissed-off Western Diamondback Rattlecan©.”
Al smiles at my little joke.
“Leonard,” I ask, “Do you have any shooting experience?”
He blows a sigh. “Of course. I am highly proficient in both trap and skeet shooting.”
“Well, that’s just dandy.” I say, “Any firearms experience that applies to this situation?”
He looks at me like a deer in the headlights.
“OK,” I say, “Pistol practice for Mr. Leonard. Al would you show him the ins and outs of the Gluck Model 40 10mm semi-automatic pistol?”
Al gives Leonard a crash course in this particular firearm. Luckily, the magazine was out and the chamber cleared when Leonard stood there, fumbling the gun over and over in his hands.
I grab the pistol, and shout, “Treat every firearm as if it’s loaded, you imbecille! If that pistol was loaded, you could have shot one of us! Use your head for something other than a fucking hat rack!”
“But I didn’t shoot anyone,” Leonard adds under his breath.
“Do we need a refresher course from last night?” I ask him. “We have two vehicles here, either one can get you back to Reno in record time.”
“No,” he quietly replies.
“No WHAT?” I yell. I was beginning to lose my patience with this pile of dirty laundry.
“No, Doctor Rocknocker,” he says, defiantly.
“Fine,” I say, “Gents, mind your ears.”
I snap to and mail five downrange. Five rusty old cans spontaneously convert themselves to metallic confetti.
Chuck and Al knew better, they had their hand over their ears.
Leonard is standing there trying to stop the ringing in his ears, gawping at the destruction down range.
“Mawp! Mawp!” he mawps, checking his ‘Maximum Allowable Working Pressure’.
I look right at Leonard.
“That’s real pretty now, ain’t it?” I ask, give Al back his sidearm and walk away, back to camp.
I’m back at the campfire which I had restored to life. I put the coffee pot on the fire. I need caffeine to grease the wheels, lube the gears, and get the mental cogs all harmonized and all rolling straight and true.
Al and Chuck wander over because my camp coffee brings the boys from miles around. The secret is in the eggshells and just a pinch of gunpowder.
“Guys,” I say, savoring a cup of campfire Joe, that is, slang for strong coffee, “Am I missing something here?”
Chuck and Al look at me and shake their heads in the negative.
“Rock,” Al continues, “There are just some people not cut out for certain jobs. I think it’s pretty clear that Mr. Leonardo here just isn’t designed for field work.”
“Al,” I reply, “I don’t know. I’ve read his packet. He applied for this position. His major professor gave him high, but not highest, marks. He knew beforehand what this all entailed. So, why go through all that bother to finally show up and do his best horse’s ass imitation?”
Chuck replies, “Y’know, Rock. There’s a whole lot more horse’s asses in this world than horses.”
“That’s true,” I reply, “I’m going to give him one last chance. Let’s savor our coffee, and then we’ll have mine-access gear checkout. This is his chance to shine or wash out.”
I take my cigar and coffee over to Leonard’s tent.
“Leonard?” I call.
No answer.
“Knock, knock,” I try it again.
I know he’s in there.
“Leonard! Front and center!,” I holler.
He slowly emerges from his tent.
“Oh, most terribly sorry,” he apologizes insincerely, “My ears are still ringing. I didn’t hear you.”
“Yeah, right,” I reply coldly, “Can you hear well enough to muster at my truck in 20 minutes for mine-access gear checkout? Or shall I alert your chambermaid?”
“No,” he replies slowly, “I guess I can be there.”
I flick the ash on my cigar. I slurp some coffee. In reality, I’m just doing a slow 10-count.
“Leonard,” I ask, “You really don’t want to be here, do you?”
“Oh?,” he snottily replies, “Whatever makes you say that, Doctor?”
“Because,” I calmly reply, “You are playing up at being the most determined jackass with whom I’ve ever had the displeasure of association. You’re arrogant, disrespectful, insolent; the whole enchilada. I can handle that in a person; if they’re exceptional at what they do. But it’s your gross incompetence I cannot forgive. Altogether, you’re just too damned dangerous a person to have around. You don’t know jack shit and you just don’t give a fuck. That’s a potential powder keg right there. I’ve got two able and capable field geologists already that want to broaden their education and experiences. I don’t have time to nursemaid…whatever the fuck it is you think you are.”
Leonard stood there, lower lip a-wobble, but he didn’t say anything. I could tell I just put 5 more in the orange; bulls-eyes each.
“Nothing?,” I ask.
Silence save for some post-nasal sniffs.
“OK,” I say, “You leave me no choice. Pack up your shit. You’re gone. Hasta luego. I’ll get Al or Chuck to drive you back to Reno. We don’t have time for posers nor time-wasters, we have a lot of serious work to do. Da svidonya.”
With that, I stomped back to my truck. Chuck and Al were laying out their mine-access gear; three sets.
“Gentlemen,” I announce, “Newsflash! You only need two sets of gear. I need a favor from one, or both, of you. I need y’all to drive back to that city in Nevada to the northwest that is smaller than Las Vegas and drop someone at the bus or train station, a taxicab stand or USPS parcel-post pickup place. Then stop by the liquor store and bring me a couple new bottles of expensive vodka”
“No shit?” they both gasp in unison.
“No shit,” I reply, “He’s finally crossed the Rubicon, meaning he’s made a decision or taken a step that commits one to a specific course of action from which there is no turning back, with me. He pushed all the wrong buttons. I bounced his ass. While you’re road tripping, I need to write up my incident report. After that, I’ll get into that mine for initial recon. We’ve already wasted enough time fucking around with this displaced circus clown. I tell you what though when Sam reads my personnel report, I wouldn’t want to be in Mr. Leonard’s funky field shoes. Hell of a way to start a Thursday. Or a fledgling career.”
“Rock,” Al and Chuck say, “Say the word. One, both, whatever you want. We’ll handle Mr. Leonard.”
“Thanks, guys,” I reply, “I really wish it hadn’t come to this. I hate seeing someone washout like this. It’s going to haunt his entire career. It’s not like he wasn’t warned beforehand. We all tried to help him along; he just refused everything, every time. I guess the old adage is true; you just can’t make a chicken salad out of chicken shit.©”
“Whoa,” Al recoils, “that’s a bit harsh.”
“Al,” I shake my head, “No harsher than me putting him or one of you two in a body bag because someone wouldn’t, couldn’t, or didn’t listen to instructions. That is something I simply cannot tolerate. We’re not playing jacks here, gentlemen. This shit,” I point to the trailer and my truck, “is the grim and harsh reality.”
Chuck and Al blink and shake their heads in agreement.
“But first,” I say, “Let’s just take a breather. The day’s schedule is fucking hosed anyway. Chuck, please go into the cab of my truck, under the passenger seat of which is a tin of my wife’s signature rum balls®. Let’s savor a cuppa, a few confections, then get on with our day’s unpleasant duties.”
“Gotcha, Doctor,” Chuck grins.
“Y’know. There’s always room for two.,” I smirk back.
Over coffee and my wife’s delightful rum ball® cookies, we’re chatting like old times. The camaraderie that had marked this expedition to date has returned in force. We’re back to being a solid team.
I pat myself down, looking for my cigar case.
“Ah! Hellfire and Dalmatians®,” I grouse, “I dropped my bloody cigar case somewhere.”
I heard someone clearing their throat. Leonard is standing there, my cigar-case in hand.
“Rock,” he says meekly, “I think you dropped this.”
“Much obliged,” I reply frostily, and take back my property.
“Umm…Doc…ahhh…Rock,” Leonard stammers, “Can we talk? Alone?”
I put the fire to a new cigar and puff it into life.
“Yeah. Sure. We can talk. I like to talk. We all do.,” I reply glacially, “But anything you can say to me, you can say to the team. See? We’re a team here. We all work together. We divvy-up burdens. You’re a lot to share.”
“Ah, I’d really prefer,” he stammers, “to speak with you in confidence.”
“Y’know something, Leo?,” I reply, “I don’t give a bright red goddamned hoot in hell what the fuck you prefer. Go pack your shit and get the fuck out of here. I don’t have time for monks resisting the carnival.”
Let him chew over that last reference for a while.
“Sorry. My deepest apologies.,” he capitulates, “May I sit?”
“I suppose. Just not on the fire, if you please.” I reply.
“Doctor…Rock…,” he begins, “Oh, wow. This is hard.”
“So is returning to your school of higher education in a certain western, geometrically-shaped state, in disgrace and ignominy,” I reply.
“Umm, yeah,” he continues. Al and Chuck are stone silent, taking in every word. “I guess I need to first seriously apologize.”
I sit, puffing away, but listening.
“I was out of line,” he says.
“Out of line?” I reply, “Buster, you were completely non-linear. Also, address the team, if you please.”
“OK, sir. Yes, this I know,” he continues, “See, I was rather coerced into all this.”
“No, I don’t see.” I note, “Explain.”
“I just wanted to be an engineer,” he says, “I was content letting others, like you three, do the grunt work out in the field. I felt I was destined for greater things, bigger things.”
“Uh, ha.,” I say, “I think I’m beginning to see part of the problem here. A bad case of warped perception.”
“Ah, yes,” he replies, “I’ve had some tiffs at university with people who actually liked working in the field. It’s caused some backlash and has had a negative effect on my academic career.”
“Umm, Mr. Leonard,” I add, shaking my head, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
“Yes,” he gulps, “To my shame and dismay, I fear you are correct.”
“Even when you’re groveling, do you have to be a horse’s ass?” I ask.
“My father pressured me,” he rebounds.
“Oh, boo fucking hoo©,” I think.
I was going to cut him off as I’ve heard this story countless times before. Instead, I give Chuck and Al the high sign to listen up and take mental notes.
“Yes?” I ask.
“Well,” he begins, “He is an engineer. A very successful engineer. He has a string of consulting companies, he’s done very well. VERY well. He always expected me to follow his path, but my interests lie elsewhere. He is a design engineer, buildings, towers, estates. I was more interested in geological engineering. Damns, Mines. Tunnels.”
“Nothing I haven’t heard before Mr. Leonard. Do continue though.” I say.
“Well,” Leonard pushes on, “That was the start of our differences. We finally came to an agreement that he’d continue to fund my studies to completion as long as I was the best at what I did. Therein lies the problem.”
“I’ve already seen several, but do continue,” I reply.
“In order to obtain my degree, I must acquire both field and extracurricular credits. Without them, I won’t receive my degree,” he explains, “and without that, I’ll be cut off. Disinherited, probably. No future with Father’s firm. This was my final hope. Now you’re tossing me aside. It’s all such a sordid muddle.”
I sit there smiling like a fictional disappearing feline in a certain Lewis Carroll tale.
“OK” I say, “Let me get this straight. You’re a child of extreme privilege. Given everything, you could possibly desire without the least amount of effort. Am I correct so far?”
“…yes…” he replies sheepishly.
“I see,” I say, and slurp some more camp coffee, “Now it’s nut cuttin’ time© and your future is in the hands of a group of folks, who, by your own admission, are ‘lower caste’. Correct?”
“…yes..” he bleats forlornly.
“I don’t know,” I say, “Perhaps it’s really not your fault. It might be genetic, some people simply aren’t cut out for this groundbreaking and pioneering work. Some would rather just content themselves by harvesting the fruits of other’s efforts. Am I wrong?”
“No,” he replies. “You are not.”
“Damn skippy,” I say, “Let me appeal to your more economic side. What do you offer to this team in way of means and ability that counteracts and overwhelms your deficiencies? Simple risk : reward analysis. Balance sheet stuff. You savvy?”
“Yes, Doctor,” he replies, this time without the usual hint of malice. “I can assure you I have the highest GRE [Graduate Record Exams] scores in my class …”
“GRE scores?” I laugh, “First, I doubt you’d have the highest GRE scores in this camp. But that’s irrelevant. What about your field abilities? Your abilities to think on your feet? Your abilities to adapt and improve? Your abilities to work with limited data and come up with solutions? Your ability to live without a maid, driver and wet nurse? So far, all I’ve heard from you is plaints and whines. What about your abilities to do work?”
“Well,” he stammers, “I did design a new spillway for that dam in that country in Western Africa that isn’t Nigeria nor the Ivory Coast. Helped a lot of people. Saved them from the annual floods. Provided water for irrigating their crops.”
“Yeah,” I say, “I was wondering when that would crop up. See, I’ve read your CV and prospectus. That was then, this is now. Continue?”
“Doctor, guys,” the false facade finally fails, “OK, I admit it, I’m a child of privilege. I’m also a good engineer. But I admit that I’m lacking in social skills.”
Chuck and Al can’t help but emit a low whistle.
“But, I need this,” he whines, “You’re my last hope. I barely made it through my field camp. My father actually went to Dr. Abstoßen® personally to get me on your team. He might have even bribed him, I don’t know. But my father looked into the program when the circular came around the school. He thought it might just be the thing I need; whatever he meant by that. After he researched you and your program, he ran to Dr. Abstoßen and almost begged him to write me a letter of recommendation. Look, Doc…er…Rock, this is all very painful for me.”
“They say confession is good for the soul,” I remind him.
“Rather,” he continues, “Rock, I need this. Desperately. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me and let me have another chance? I promise I’ll change. Well, I can’t actually promise, but I’ll damn sure try.”
“Damn?,” I recoil, “Why Mr. Leonard. Profanity? That’s just so ‘lower caste’.”
“See?,” I’m trying already.” He says.
“You’ve been trying from the beginning.,” I reply, “But it’s not up to just me. Unless you haven’t been listening, I’m only the leader of this little rat pack. You not only have to convince me, but you also have to convince them, your potential teammates, as well.”
Chuck and Al look like they’ve just been tossed a live grenade.
“Gentlemen?,” I ask.
Chuck snorts, “Well…he is a monumental pain in the ass. That’s a given. Although, I suppose we could always use another hand, especially after dinner. Still…I’m not sure. Whaddya think, Al?”
Al snorts as well, “Yeah, he’s a real piece of work, ain’t he? But that’s just this near geology Ph.D.’s ‘lower caste’ member noting that. However…it would be nice to have someone slower than me if a grizzle bear attacks...”
“Mr. Leonard,” I chuckle, “It appears you might have just passed muster with your potential teammates. Guess that leaves it up to me. Doctor Rocknocker©, the Motherfucking Pro from Dover™. Yeah, that’s how I’m known in both academia and industry. I didn’t achieve that status by sitting on my hands, being coy, or worrying about people’s feelings. I go to where the job requires, and actually do the necessary work to get the fucking job done. Period, end of sentence. Full stop. You diggin’ me, Beaumont?”
Leonard looks very, very puzzled.
Al breaks the spell, “That’s just one of Rock’s weird turns of phrase. He’s got millions of ‘em. If you hang around, you’ll get used to them. Maybe.”
“The question still remains. We green©?” I ask.
“I will yield to your wishes.,” he replies.
“Oh, no, no, no.,” I say, “No. No. No. It’s not like that. I say ‘jump’, you say ‘how high’? I say ‘shit’, you say ‘what color’?”
Leonard smiles slightly for the very first time.
“Mr. Leonard,” I continue, “I’m serious as stage-4 liver cancer. Your attitude changes right this second or it’s the old highway home for you. You heard me correctly; my way or the highway. We are not on a pleasure cruise, nor a camping holiday. We’re working in fucking dangerous old, abandoned mines. We carry sidearms for personal defense. We use high explosives. We swear, we stink, we smoke, we drink. We’re in an inhospitable and dangerous land that’d kill you just as much like to shake your hand. We might run up against deadly animals. Deadly diseases. Deadly atmospheres. Deadly people. You 100% committed to this? This is your final chance. You say ‘yes’, and still fuck off; you’ll spend the next month in the backseat of a certain Japanese auto manufacturer’s off-road vehicle that’s been produced since the late 1940s, twiddling your thumbs.”
“Oh, thanks Rock,” Al laughs.
I smirk and continue, “This is no charade. This is reality at its grim realest. It’s not always pretty, it’s not always comfortable, and it’s often not what we want. But that’s the way it is. You in or out? You agree to everything I’ve said, will say, and tell you to do, or not to do? You will become a functioning, valuable part of this team, not just an individual contributor. No exceptions. None. That’s it. Final offer is on the table for the next 30 seconds.”
He furtively looks to Al. Then he looks to Chuck. They’ve gone all parodying the inestimable Iron Eyes Cody at this point.
He looks to me, and shakes his head. He stands up, I have no idea if he’s going to walk, accept, or have a seizure.
“Rock,” he says as he sticks out his hand, “Teach me. Instruct me. Make me learn. Make me into a better industrial scientist and person.”
“Shit,” I say, shaking his hand, “That’s a tall order.”
If it wasn’t so early in the day, it’d be Mueller Time, 0-beer-30©.
“One final thing, Mr. Leonard,” I say, “It’s Rock. It’s Al. It’s Chuck. And it’s Leo. We green©?”
“Green© as Tivoli in summer.” He smiles back.
I take it that he agrees.
“OK,” I say, “Now that’s settled, back to the project at hand. Fall out in 10 for mine-ingress equipment check out. My truck. See you there.” I freshen up my morning dark-brown caffeinated beverage.
It is the gunpowder that makes it special.
Chuck and Al help Leo get kitted out for his first mine adventure. They’re getting good at all this.
They go over the use of the NORMnot ® badge. How the noxious gas monitors work. The care and feeding of the Snott air pack SCBA apparatus. The utility of Person Rescuers. All the climbing gear; harnesses to pitons. Accessories such as camera, hip chain, sheath knife, hammer, sample bags, air, and water dye packs, beef jerky, canteen, sidearm (none for Leo at present), rucksack, hardhat, electric miner’s lamp, torches, battery packs, spray paint and paint capsules…
Leo looks like a festive mudball. All his expensive field clothes, he actually had some long pants along, his tan shirt and ever-present generic, not licensed by any means, towel.
Can’t actually fault him for that.
But…
“Leo,” I say, “C’mere.”
He walks over.
“Those field ‘boots’ you got there hard-toed?” I ask.
“Well, they’re supposed to provide protection from falling rocks and…” he says.
“Mind if I stomp on your toes with my Basque Trekkers?” I ask.
“Um, I’d really rather that you didn’t,” he replies.
“OK,” I tell him, “We’re going to lose those lightweight boots you’ve got. We’ve a spare couple of pairs in the back of my truck. My size 16’s certainly won’t fit you, but one of Chuck’s or Al’s might. Get after it.”
“But these are all broken in,” he begins to protest.
“As will be your foot if you take a misstep over a loose, rotted board, or catch a rusted nail. Do we need to review our agreement?” I ask.
A few minutes later I tell Leo to take it easy in the back of my truck.
“I’ve got breakables back there.” Fer Christ’s sake.
He finds a pair that will work. I tell him I’ll call the Bureau® with his shoe size and have them send a pair out to some town where we’ll next make landfall.
“Gentlemen,” I bellow. “Mine access. We green©?”
“GREEN©! Doctor,” came the reply.
“Marvelous©,” I mutter.
After securing camp, we walk up to the mine adit. I explain the mine’s plan and what we hope to accomplish with our recon.
“It’s a fairly simple mine layout,” I note, holding up the last schematic from the mine.
“Central sloping tunnel. Numerous lateral drifts. A gob of ore chutes up raises, so be careful, they’re probably still full of the last mine run. They’re always dicey. Single level, no shafts or multi-level raises of any size. Since it’s been abandoned for so long, be mindful of critters. OK?”
“Ready, Rock,” they say.
“Marvelous.”
We make the initial entry.
I have a little surprise along for all my charges. I brought along an old miner’s carbide lamp and a can of calcium carbide.
Back in the day, they used carbide lamps for illumination. Add water to CaC2, or calcium carbide, and you get acetylene gas, C2H2. This would collect in the lamp on the miner’s hardhat and once lit, would sustain a reaction as long as the gas evolved.
They would carry tins of calcium carbide into the mine and leave them just about everywhere for instant refills. This alone is a danger not often noted. Rusty carbide cans and water leave puddles of acetylene. Could provide quite the shock if it spontaneously ignites.
It burns with a sooty flame, in fact, old-time miners used them to mark the mine wall or leave graffiti with them.
In the main gallery, which is about 30 feet across, this was a serious mine, I begin my demonstration.
“OK, guys,” I smile, “Just the way I like it, Old School™.”
I show them the carbide tin and lamp. I explain its use and a bit of its history.
To be continued.
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2019/20 Italian Cup Final 4 recap

SUMMARY
For the 3rd time in the last 4 years (and 2nd straight), the Unipol Arena in Casalecchio di Reno, just outside Bologna, hosted the Italian Cup Final 4. This was a very important weekend for a series of reasons. First of all, a cup was at stake. Granted it’s not as important as the Scudetto or the Champions League, but it’s still pretty important and allows the winners to stich a champions’ badge in the following season’s jerseys. Also, it’s a reliable test on how’s the form of the so-called “4 sisters”, as we’re only 5 match weeks and 35 days away from the end of the regular season. Before we start, a little key. Given the importance of the match, more in-depth stats sheets have been published, so I was able to give you deeper analysis. In order to shorten the text, I will use those abbreviations. PR means “first attack after positive/perfect reception”. NR means “first attack after negative reception”. CA means “counter attack”.
The first match on schedule was the one between Lube and Trento. De Giorgi had all his men available, while Lorenzetti still had to deal with Kovacevic’s problems and started Cebulj once again. Before Saturday, most people agreed that this was the most unbalanced semifinal and, at the end of the 2nd set, it surely looked that way. One team was leading 2-0 after mauling the opponents 25-15 before and 25-20 after. The only problem was, the leading team was Trento. Lorenzetti’s guys played great on offense (59% kills, 87% in PR), guarding Lube’s attackers (9 blocks), and bombing from the line (5 aces, 6 errors, 0% reception efficiency for Lube). 10 points with 89% kills for Russell, 11 with 75% kills for Lisinac. De Giorgi tried to shake up things during timeouts (“you’re going to play a lot of long actions. You need patience, you know it more than I do”) and by sending in Diamantini for Anzani. Trento’s serving went down big (1 ace, 5 errors, 58% positive reception for Lube, 50% perfect) and, with less running up and down the field, Bruno could provide way better sets to his spikers (58% kills, 86% in PR). The result was, Lube mauled back Trento (25-16, 1-2). After 3 sets that ended with an average margin of 8 points, the 4th one was a much more entertaining one. Lube started strong (6-2), but Trento came back and overtook (8-9). The kitchen guys went back up after a very long and intense action (11-10). After being blocked, Leal got subbed by Kovar (12-12), then Simon scored an ace (15-13). Kovacevic went in for a disastrous Cebulj (10 points, 28% kills) and stayed on front row too, even blocking Rychlicki (17-16). Simon took charge with 2 blocks, a slash and 2 kills (24-19), then fellow Cuban Juantorena sent the game to tie break (25-21). 31% kills for Trento despite 60% positive reception. Cebulj back in lineup for Trento, Lube with Kovar and Bieniek in for Leal and Diamantini. 2 straight points by Rychlicki gave Lube the first break (5-3). Lisinac answered with an ace (5-5) and a block (9-10), but then spiked out (11-10). Another error, this time by Vettori, gave Lube the first match ball of the night (14-12), then Bieniek closed it immediately by blocking Cebulj (15-12, 3-2). That was some intense game! It was also a 2-faced game, especially for Trento. After those excellent numbers in the first 2 sets for the Alps guys, those dropped to 34% kills, 2 aces (10 errors) and 7 blocks in the last 3 sets, despite a high-level reception (59% positive, 31% perfect, 22% efficiency). Giannelli was really sloppy when he had to chase the ball (33% kills on NCA, with 2 errors and 10 blocked spikes). Russell cooled down a bit, but his game was still very good (17 points, 68% kills, 2 blocks), while Lisinac was simply stellar (20 points, 56% kills, 4 aces, 6 blocks). Too bad that both Cebulj (11 points, 23% kills, 2 aces, 3 blocks) and Vettori (14 points, 36% kills, 1 ace, 4 blocks) choked big time. Lube, instead, showed once again how important it is to have a deep roster when playing at this level. Having players like Kovar and Bieniek on the bench and Diamantini as a 4th string middle is a luxury that very few teams can afford. By subbing Leal (14 points, 36% kills, 2 aces, 4 blocks), Kovar provided better reception (60% positive) and removed an easy target for Trento’s serving. He also allowed Bieniek (5 points, 75% kills, 2 blocks), who is a World-class middle, to be sent in and replace Anzani/Diamantini (4 points, 38% kills, 1 block). Rychlicki’s serving turns (22 points, 57% kills, 2 aces) and the usual Simon (17 points, 80% kills, 1 ace, 4 blocks) did the rest.
The other semifinal was the most awaited for by neutral fans. Both Perugia and Modena, in fact, were in a very good form and came from streaks of 22 and 10 wins respectively. Also, in the last 5 years, a very fierce and heated rivalry developed between those 2 teams. Heynen had full roster, while Giani brought youngster Rinaldi with him because Kaliberda stayed home with pharyngitis. Perugia started better (7-4), Modena caught up (11-11), but then it was a monologue by Heynen’s guys (25-19, 1-0). Perugia finished with 65% kills and an impressive 72% on NCA, while Modena had 67% kills on PR but only 36% on NCA. The 2nd set started with Perugia bombing Modena from the line (11-7), but the Canaries answered with 2 consecutive blocks on León (12-12). The Polish/Cuban made amends with an ace (15-12) before Anderson got Modena close again (20-19). On 23-22, Holt missed the serve (24-22), while Heynen sent in Plotnytskyi as a pinch server and he did exactly what was asked for, putting the ball between Anderson and Bednorz (25-22, 2-0). Modena attacked better than Perugia (59% vs 62%) and scored more points (16-17) but made as many as 9 errors (6 serving, 2 spiking, 1 fault). Modena tried to imitate Lube and started strong in the 3rd (4-6), but Perugia wanted it closed as soon as possible (11-10). A block by Mazzone on León gave Modena their biggest lead of the night (15-18), then Christenson started overloading Zaytsev. Perugia read his game and forced him to accumulate blocked spikes and errors (24-23). Bednorz cancelled the 1st match ball (24-24), Atanasijevic gained another (25-24) and sent Lanza to the line. The Italian OH struggled with serving all the match (0 aces and 4 errors on 8 serves), even switching to a jump float to avoid errors. Still, I bet that most of Perugia and Modena fans knew exactly what was going to happen. Lanza switched back to jump spin and his ball from 5 to 5 chiseled Bednorz’s reception before going among the stands (26-24, 3-0). Lube was supposed to maul Trento, the game lasted 2,5 hours and went to tie break. Perugia and Modena were supposed to fight hard, the match was over in 84’. Perugia won because De Cecco showed once again his mastery in setting with negative reception (59% kills on NCA), allowing León (16 points, 50% kills, 0% reception efficiency, 1 ace, 1 block) and, most of all, Atanasijevic (20 points, 81% kills, 2 aces, 1 block) to stay hot throughout the game. Christenson, instead, played by far his worst game of 2020 and one of his worst since he started wearing Modena’s jersey. In the beginning, he insisted too much on Anderson (8 points, 31% kills, 2 aces, 1 block), despite it was clear that he was choking. He left Bednorz (12 points, 56% kills, 1 ace, 1 block) out of the game for too much. As I wrote before, he began setting compulsively to Zaytsev (18 points, 54% kills, 1 ace, 2 blocks) in the last part of the 3rd set, with Perugia’s block waiting for him (3 errors, 4 blocked spikes). In general, his sets were hasty and not precise, as if he was in a rush and/or desperately trying to find some kind of point of reference for his offense. On NCA situations, Modena ended with 45% kills, 7 errors and 5 blocked spikes. Modena also confirmed their way below average moment from the line (4 aces, 12 errors). Finally, as in the previous one, this match showed the difference between a team that can send Plotnytskyi in and close the set with an ace and another than is forced to play with an out of form OH because, with Kaliberda out, the alternatives were 2 young players with, respectively, zero and very few playing time in pro volleyball and very raw technique.
So, the final everyone waited for (except Trento and Modena fans, of course). Lube vs Perugia, the 2 teams sharing the 1st position in the standings (albeit Lube has played one game less), in their 5th straight face-off in either Scudetto or Italian Cup final. The 1st set started very tight, with both team overtaking each other until 12-12, when León scored 2 aces and forced another reception error, closed by Podrascanin (12-16). Lube went back in striking range (16-17) after a controversial block by Leal on Atanasijevic. De Giorgi mixed things up by sending in D’Hulst, Kovar and Massari for Rychlicki, Bruno and Leal, but Lube missed 3 consecutive serves (19-21). De Giorgi’s choice didn’t pay dividends, as Kovar spiked out and Massari’s reception tilted (19-23), allowing Perugia to take the 1st (21-25, 0-1). Both teams attacked close to 60% kills, but Perugia did better on CA (43% kills with 3 blocked spikes for Lube, 67% kills with no errors or blocked spikes for Perugia). León dominating (7 points, 71% kills, 2 aces), Leal struggling (2 points, 33% kills, 1 block). A lot of overtakes in the 2nd as well, with no teams gaining more than a +2 lead before a great counter attack by Juantorena (15-12). Taht went in for the serve and generated a 0-4 break (21-22), but Juantorena stepped in once again (24-22) before Anzani blocked León (25-23, 1-1). Tables turned for Perugia, which finished with 89% kills on PR but 32% on NCA. Strong start by Perugia in the 3rd (10-13), then Lanza started being Lanza-not-against-Modena, getting defended once and blocked twice (14-13). Diamantini in, Anzani out. Ricci spiked out (18-15) but scored an ace (18-17). Diamantini killed a nice one-handed set by Bruno and immediately removed León from the line (21-19). Rychlicki scored unopposed after a long action (22-19), so Heynen sent Plotnytskyi and Russo for Lanza and Podrascanin. The move seemed to work (23-22), but Juantorena wanted this badly (25-23, 2-1). Perugia’s serving painted a target on Leal’s forehead, but the Brazilian/Cuban answered nicely (12 receptions, 7 positive, 4 perfect, 1 error). León tried to carry Perugia on his shoulders (7 points, 86% kills, 1 ace) but Atanasijevic failed to help him (3 points, 29% kills). Diamantini, Russo and Plotnytskyi stayed in for the 4th. The first part was a rubber band, with Perugia trying to get the lead but Lube catching up immediately. On 11-14, De Giorgi called a time out that lasted longer than usual because a fan fainted on the stands. The break did good to Lube (16-15), but León kept buoying his team (19-20) and De Cecco contributed with an ace (19-21). 3 consecutive points by Leal and a block by Bieniek, who went in for Bruno on front row, gave Lube the first match balls of the night (24-22), but a counter attack by Plotnytskyi and a misunderstanding in Lube’s court turned the table around (24-25). Juantorena provided another match ball (27-26), but, despite 9 chances of closing the match, Lube failed to do so (34-34). León scored on counter attack, blocked Juantorena and the game was sent to tie break (34-36, 2-2). Both Cubans monopolized the attack (18 spikes each), albeit with different results (10 points, 56% kills for Juantorena; 8 points, 33% kills, 1 ace, 1 block for León). 52% kills for Lube against Perugia’s 42%, but 11 errors for Lube (8 serving, 3 spiking) against only 4 for Perugia (all on serving). After an incredibly tense 4th set, the tie break was anything but. Lube went immediately up 7-3, completely shut down Perugia’s counter attack (0 break points), finished with 89% kills and won the Italian Cup for the 6th time in their history (15-10, 3-2). The team with most arrows in its quiver prevailed. Lube finished with 4 players in double digits, Perugia with 2. More options meant less predictability, better performances (58% kills vs 49%, 14 blocks vs 11) and, ultimately, the Cup. Cubans dominated the game on both sides, starting from 34-years old Juantorena (28 points, 63% kills, 1 ace), who finished the game on cramps but nevertheless won his 5th Italian Cup, the 3rd as MVP. Then there was Leal (23 points, 50% kills, 1 ace, 3 blocks), who redeemed himself from the subpar game against Trento. Then, of course, the usual Simon (15 points, 78% kills, 2 aces, 6 blocks), who’s probably having the best season of his career at 32 years old. Finally, on Perugia’s side, León (30 points, 51% kills, 4 aces, 1 block) was impressive as usual. Unfortunately for him, after a huge game against Modena, Atanasijevic reverted to good old Chokesijevic (18 points, 40% kills, 0 aces and 6 errors on 11 serves, 4 blocks), with 36% kills in the last 3 sets and 0 points in tie break. Also, it’s a shame that, because of the Italians quota, Perugia was forced to bench Podrascanin (9 points, 60% kills, 3 blocks) in order to bench Lanza as well (8 points, 42% kills) and play with Plotnytskyi (7 points, 54% kills). Perugia’s win streak ends at 23 but, almost like the New England Patriots in 2008, they lost the one game that counted the most.
Finally, Vibo and Padova took advantage of the Final 4 to play the match they were supposed to play one month ago. I’ll make it quick. Vibo won 3-1 and joined Latina in 11th place. Both teams have now the same record (5-14), so the following tie-breaker is the set quotient, in which Latina has a slight advantage (0.60 vs 0.55). The race to avoid relegation is going to be pretty interesting, with the direct match up scheduled for March 15th in Vibo Valentia. Padova lost the last 2 games against said teams. They kept their hold on 6th place, but they’d better start making points again, as Ravenna has 1 point less but also 2 games less and the 9th place is only 4 points away.

RESULTS AND SCORESHEETS
Lube Civitanova 3-2 Trentino Volley (15-25, 20-25, 25-16, 25-21, 15-12)
Civitanova: Bruno 2, Juantorena 14, Anzani 3, Rychlicki 22, Leal 14, Simon 17, Marchisio (L), Balaso (L), Kovar 1, Diamantini 1, Bieniek 5.
Trento: Giannelli, Russell 17, Candellaro 5, Vettori 14, Cebulj 11, Lisinac 20, Grebennikov (L), Djuric 1, Kovacevic 1.

Sir Volley Perugia 3-0 Modena Volley (25-19, 25-22, 26-24)
Perugia: De Cecco 1, Atanasijevic 20, Russo 3, Podrascanin 6, León 16, Lanza 4, Colaci (L), Zhukouski, Plotnytskyi 1, Piccinelli, Ricci 1.
Modena: Christenson, Zaytsev 18, Holt 6, Mazzone 3, Anderson 8, Bednorz 12, Rossini (L), Estrada Mazorra, Bossi 1.

Lube Civitanova 3-2 Sir Volley Perugia (21-25, 25-23, 25-23, 34-36, 15-10)
Civitanova: Bruno 1, Juantorena 27, Anzani 5, Rychlicki 12, Leal 23, Simon 15, Marchisio (L), Massari, Balaso (L), D’Hulst, Kovar, Diamantini 8, Bieniek 1.
Perugia: De Cecco 2, León 30, Podrascanin 9, Atanasijevic 18, Lanza 8, Ricci 4, Zhukouski, Colaci (L), Taht, Russo 5, Piccinelli, Plotnytskyi 7.
MVP: Osmany Juantorena (Civitanova)

Callipo Vibo Valentia 3-1 Pallavolo Padova (24-26, 25-20, 25-22, 25-23)
Vibo: Mengozzi 6, Aboubacar Neto 23, Carle 18, Chinenyeze 13, Defalco 16, Baranowicz, Rizzo (L), Pierotti, Vitelli.
Padova: Polo 7, Volpato 3, Travica 6, Ishikawa 14, Randazzo 11, Hernandez Ramos 20, Danani la Fuente (L), Canella, Bottolo, Casaro, Barnes 2.
MVP: Aboubacar Neto (Vibo)

LAST EDITIONS
2015/16 – Modena
2016/17 – Civitanova
2017/18 – Perugia
2018/19 – Perugia
2019/20 – Civitanova

MOST WINS
Modena – 12
Civitanova – 6
Treviso, Parma, Cuneo, Trento – 5

STATISTICAL LEADERS – PLAYERS (at least 2 games played)
Total points: Aleksandar Atanasijevic (Perugia) – 60
Points per set: Aleksandar Atanasijevic (Perugia) – 5.45
Total aces: Wilfredo León (Perugia) – 10
Aces/set: Wilfredo León (Perugia) – 0.91
Total blocks: Robertlandy Simon (Civitanova) – 12
Blocks/set: Srecko Lisinac (Trento) – 1.00

STATISTICAL LEADERS – TEAMS (at least 2 games played)
Kill %: Modena – 55.2 %
Total aces: Perugia – 28
Aces/set: Perugia – 2.55
Perfect reception: Modena – 28.0 %
Reception efficiency: Modena – 20%
Total blocks: Civitanova – 37
Blocks/set: Trento – 3.50

NEXT ROUND – SUPERLEGA MATCH WEEK 22 (March 1st, 6 pm CET)
Sora – Perugia
Monza – Civitanova (RaiSport)
Vibo – Milano (February 29th, RaiSport)
Verona – Ravenna
Trento – Latina
Padova – Piacenza
BYE: Modena
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DEMOLITION DAYS, PART 82

Continuing
“Um, yeah,” I say, “Look Leo. Maybe we all got off on the wrong foot. Dinner’s going so go ahead and get your camp set. There’s cold beer and hot coffee if you like, some vodka if you care to partake. We’ll be eating in about an hour.
“Very well,” he says, spins on his heel and stomps off.
“Oh, good,” I think, “that went real well.”
Back at the campfire, Chuck and Al already have their tents set up and their gear in their tents; as I had their tents in the back of my truck.
They were still fuming, but already on their second beer.
“Well, so much for orientation tonight,” I say. “We’ll do dinner and afterward have a little powwow and let Leonard know just how the cow ate the cabbage.”
We sit around and tend to the lovely bison flank roast. It smells delectable.
Over beers and vodka, Chuck and Al are mellowing out slightly. The smells of the imminent dinner push out the last of their exasperations.
They help me maneuver my worktable over as it will now serve double duty as a dinner table. All the mugs, plates and utensils are set out. I bring the roast over and let it rest a while whilst I refresh my drink.
The camp potatoes are done to a turn. The corn on the cob is roasted to perfection. I busy myself making my signature mixed-berry cobbler a la Dutch Oven for dessert.
I even have a few cans of store-bought whipped cream. A special treat.
I tell Chuck and/or Al to call Leonard over to dinner.
I busy myself with service.
Chuck, Al and I dig in. Leonard’s nowhere to be seen.
I throw a paper towel over my food, get up, and go off over to Leonard’s tent.
Holy fuckbuckets. He’s got a huge canvas cabin tent. It’ll last forever out here. That is until the first gust of wind over 5 K/h blows through.
“Leonard,” I say, “Chow time.”
“It will just have to wait.” He replies, “I have to finish with my tent and get my supplies moved in.”
“Food’s ready now!,” I say, “This isn’t a fucking cafeteria y’know, Sonny Jim.”
I turn and walk back to my dinner.
I sit and grab some sourdough bread to sop up the lovely bison flank roast gravy.
“Parcel post?” I say to Chuck and Al. “He doesn’t rate fourth-class.”
We are all finished with dinner, even with Whortleberry cobbler with fresh, canned whipped cream. There’s a considerable pile of dishes. We’re all sitting around with our post-prandial drinks and smokes.
“Guys,” I say, “Can you please do the dishes tonight? It’s his first night. “
Al and Chuck say no problem. Then they ask about Leonard.
I sit and think, then I get a bit peeved. I’m running this show. I’m not used to nor allow anyone to push me around.
I growl to the guys, “Damn it all to hell, I can tolerate arrogance. I can tolerate self-importance. But this insolence, and everything on his schedule. This shit is going to stop now.”
I stand up and loudly yell: “LEONARD! Front and center, NOW!”
Leonard slouches over some minutes later.
“You going to eat?” I ask.
“Well,” he says exasperated, “After your display at my tent, I went ahead and ate what I bought for myself.”
“OK, Chuckles,” I say, “Grab a seat. We’re havin’ a ‘Come to Jesus’ meeting, right fucking now.”
Leonard rolls his eyes skyward and grudgingly accepts a seat from Al who stands back to watch the fireworks.
“OK,” I begin, “Number one: lose the attitude. This is not a colloquium, or a day at the club, or your private vacation. This is serious work.”
He looks at me through bored eyes.
“Secondly,” I add, “I’m the hookin’ bull around here. The boss man. What I says, goes; or you do. Got that? I’m not one for sugar coating anything, just ask Chuck and Al.”
Chuck and Al look at Leonard and emphatically shake their heads yes.
“Third,” I continue, “I don’t give a blinkered albino rat fuck who you were back in the world or what you think you are here. You are my field hand. That’s it. Pure and fucking simple. You will listen and heed every fucking little bit of what I tell you and you will fucking–A rightly comply. Either you do that or you leave. Don’t listen to me and choose to stay and you may end up finding yourself dead.”
He looks at me like I just kicked Grandmama down a particularly steep flight of stairs.
“Yeah,,” I say, “Dead. Finito. Breathe no more. Joined the choir invisible. Shuffled off this mortal coil. Why? Because you don’t listen to what I’m teaching and you pick up that rock that had a scorpion hiding under it. You pick up that fuzzed blasting cap and lose a hand or eye or worse. You wander into a death gulch in a mine and take one final breath. This ain’t no pleasure tour, me old mucker. This is work. Hard work. Dangerous, potentially deadly work. Listen to me and learn, you’ll be fine. Ignore me at your eternal peril. We green, mister?”
“Green?” he scoffs.
Al pipes up, “That means you understand and comply Chuckles?”
Leonard looks like he’s just pissed on an electric cattle fence.
“Oh. Very well,” he stoops to answer.
“Right,” I keep going, “Now that’s all sorted, you’re not here alone. We’re all responsible for each other. We all depend on what the other knows, that he knows what the fuck he’s doing, and isn’t too stupid or afraid to do carry it out. We are a team. As such, we work, eat, play, and sleep together. And wipe that smirk off your face, you little shit, you know I don’t mean that last part literally.”
He sighs and just stares at me.
“OK,” I finish up, “You either accept these conditions or we drive your happy ass back to Reno tomorrow. No pay, no credits, and a big, black splotch on your fucking permanent fucking Colorado School of Fucking Mines record. Makes no never mind to me. We did it before without you, and if you really don’t want to be here, we’ll do fine without you again. Your choice.”
He sits and ponders that last bit of information.
“Oh. Very well,” he says, “I accept your terms and conditions. May I leave?”
“Right after you do the damn dinner dishes,” I say, get up, and put fire to a new heater.
Mr. Leonard trudges over and grudgingly stares at the pile of dinnerware, pots, pans, utensils, and Dutch Ovens in the pre-washbasin.
We have separate washbasins for dinner plates, silverware and the like. They get Fairy Lotion, the Lemon Scented type. It really cuts the grease.
We use Grandma NaOh’s® brand lye-enhanced soap in the washbasins for the Dutch Ovens. It removes char, tar, and other stains.
He angrily, splashily pitches everything into the lye water basin after I’ve already informed him, emphatically, what goes where.
I stop, turn, stomp back and am ready to soak someone’s head for them.
“Look you dopey bastard! I’m not telling you again! This goes here, that goes there!”
No job is worth all this aggro…
I wander off with Charles and Albert to heavily refresh our beverages.
Early the next morning, I’m feeling a bit more felicitous, and in a cooking mood. I’m fixing eggs to order, flapjacks, grilled leftover lovely bison flank roast strips, camp kringle, and camp coffee.
It’s early, still right around 0700. I tend to run a loose camp, but I break out the air horn, give three quick blasts and holler “Breakfast”.
I hear “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” from Chuck and Al’s tents as they come running.
My eggs to order are the stuff of legend.
Leonard’s nowhere to be seen or heard.
We decide to eat, and afterward, I wander over to Leonard’s tent.
“Wakey, wakey,” I say brightly.
No reply.
I ‘knock’ on the tent, rattling it. Leonard’s snoring like a chainsaw in his goose down sleeping bag, perched upon his blow-up air mattress.
I swear the damned sleeping bag is monogrammed. Silk probably. I stand there, just shaking my head.
I pull the air horn out of my vest pocket and aim it directly at his tent.
“BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!” reports the air horn.
Leonard sits bolt upright. He looks like he’s about to shit himself.
“Why hello there, bright eyes,” I say, “Breakfast is now being served in the dining car.”
"Argle-bargle morble whoosh?" Leonard articulates.
“Yes. Now.” I say, as I turn and walk back to my coffee.
Back at camp, I rewarm my coffee, pull out a cigar, and savor my morning cuppa.
“Where’s Leo?” Chuck asks.
“Probably trying to order room service or changing his drawers, “ I say, “Even money bet either way.”
Chuck and Al clean up the breakfast dishes. It’s now a full hour since I announced chow.
“Well,” I grouse, “Looks like he missed breakfast. Al, get me a postage meter.”
Chuck and Al both laugh.
Leonard wanders over a while later.
“Leonard,” I say, “You missed breakfast. Is this going to be a common occurrence?”
“Well,” he huffs, “After your rude awakening, I had to wash up, get dressed, brush my teeth. I don’t know about the likes of you, but it takes me some time in the morning to prepare for the day’s activities.”
“How about that?” I say, “Well, Leonard, here’s a newsflash. Breakfast from here on out is at 0630 sharp; plan accordingly.”
“Thanks, asshole,” Chuck and Al growl lowly.
“Well, after my morning coffee, I must go brush my teeth and wash up. Going to be a long day, I fear.” I say to all present.
“Right after my morning cigar,” I say, chuckling.
“OK, then,” I add, “Weapons detail in a half hour. Meet over by that outcrop of ferruginous sandstone to the west.”
I leave to grab some supplies and wander over to my improvised shooting range.
I set up a quick range with a series of old, rusty cans. They’re always in abundance around old mine sites. They are not considered artifacts.
Chuck and Al wander up with their Glocks. I, of course, have my Casull.
“Where’s Leo?” I ask.
“Surprisingly, he’s coming.” Al says, “Said he needed something out of his tent first.”
“Marvelous,” I mumble.
Leonard walks up with his Pith helmet, in his field-finest; sporting a very expensive pair of yellow Glare-No-More Ray Ban shooter’s shades. 450 buck sunglasses. I’m not terribly impressed.
“Very trendy,” I say as he walks up. “You do know we work mostly underground, don’t you?”
“Yes. So?” he haughtily replies.
“Not a lot of sunshine in a subsurface mine” I reply.
Whatever.
I go over the reasons why we need to carry sidearms. The usual. Snakes, scorpions, spiders, signaling…pests.
Leonard looks on, uninterested.
I pass out three pairs of earplugs, I already have my noise-cancellers installed.
“Chuck,” I say, “Send a postcard home.”
Five shots, five holed cans.
I guess our many target practice sessions have helped.
“Highest marks, Mr. Charles,” I say, “Mr. Albert?”
He draws his Glock. Five shots, four holed cans.
“Rock,” he protests, “These are hotter loads than the last ones. I fizzed the first shot. You didn’t tell me.”
“Let that be a lesson to you.,” I replied, “Good thing that one you missed wasn’t a pissed-off Western Diamondback Rattlecan.”
Al smiles at my little joke.
“Leonard,” I ask, “Do you have any shooting experience?”
He blows a sigh. “Of course. I am highly proficient in both trap and skeet shooting.”
“Well, that’s just dandy.” I say, “Any firearms experience that applies to this situation?”
He looks at me like a deer in the headlights.
“OK,” I say, “Pistol practice for Mr. Leonard. Al, would you show him the ins and outs of the Glock Model 40 10mm semi-automatic pistol?”
Al gives Leonard a crash course in this particular firearm. Luckily, the magazine was out and the chamber cleared when Leonard stood there, fumbling the gun over and over in his hands.
I grab the pistol, and shout, “Treat every firearm as if it’s loaded, you imbecile! If that pistol was loaded, you could have shot one of us! Use your head for something other than a fucking hat rack!”
“But I didn’t shoot anyone,” Leonard adds under his breath.
“Do we need a refresher course from last night?” I ask him. “We have two vehicles here, either one can get you back to Reno in record time.”
“No,” he quietly replies.
“No WHAT?” I yell. I was beginning to lose my patience with this pile of dirty laundry.
“No, Doctor Rocknocker,” he says, defiantly.
“Fine,” I say, “Gents, mind your ears.”
I snap to and mail five downrange. Five rusty old cans spontaneously convert themselves to metallic confetti.
Chuck and Al knew better, they had their hand over their ears.
Leonard is standing there trying to stop the ringing in his ears, gawping at the destruction downrange.
“Mawp! Mawp!” he mawps.
I look right at Leonard.
“That’s real pretty now, ain’t it?” I ask, give Al back his sidearm and walk away, back to camp.
I’m back at the campfire which I had restored to life. I put the coffee pot on the fire. I need caffeine to grease the wheels, lube the gears and get the mental cogs all harmonized and all rolling straight and true.
Al and Chuck wander over because my camp coffee brings the boys from miles around. The secret is in the eggshells and just a pinch of gunpowder.
“Guys,” I say, savoring a cup of campfire Joe, “Am I missing something here?”
Chuck and Al look at me and shake their heads in the negative.
“Rock,” Al continues, “There are just some people not cut out for certain jobs. I think it’s pretty clear that Mr. Leonardo here just isn’t designed for fieldwork.”
“Al,” I reply, “I don’t know. I’ve read his packet. He applied for this position. His major professor gave him high, but not the highest, marks. He knew beforehand what this all entailed. So, why go through all that bother to finally show up and do his best horse’s ass imitation?”
Chuck replies, “Y’know, Rock. There are a whole lot more horse’s asses in this world than horses.”
“That’s true,” I reply, “I’m going to give him one last chance. Let’s savor our coffee, and then we’ll have mine-access gear checkout. This is his chance to shine or wash out.”
I take my cigar and coffee over to Leonard’s tent.
“Leonard?” I call.
No answer.
“Knock, knock,” I try it again.
I know he’s in there.
“Leonard! Front and center!,” I holler.
He slowly emerges from his tent.
“Oh, most terribly sorry,” he apologizes insincerely, “My ears are still ringing. I didn’t hear you.”
“Yeah, right,” I replied coldly, “Can you hear well enough to muster at my truck in 20 minutes for mine-access gear checkout? Or shall I alert your chambermaid?”
“No,” he replies slowly, “I guess I can be there.”
I flick the ash on my cigar. I slurp some coffee. In reality, I’m just doing a slow 10-count.
“Leonard,” I ask, “You really don’t want to be here, do you?”
“Oh?,” he snottily replies, “Whatever makes you say that, Doctor?”
“Because,” I calmly reply, “You are playing up at being the most determined jackass with whom I’ve ever had the displeasure of association. You’re arrogant, disrespectful, insolent; the whole Megilla. I can handle that in a person; if they’re exceptional at what they do. But it’s your gross incompetence I cannot forgive. Altogether, you’re just too damned dangerous a person to have around. You don’t know jack shit and you just don’t give a fuck. That’s a potential powder keg right there. I’ve got two able and capable field geologists already that want to broaden their education and experiences. I don’t have time to nursemaid…whatever the fuck it is you think you are.”
Leonard stood there, lower lip a-wobble, but he didn’t say anything. I could tell I just put 5 more in the orange; bulls-eyes each.
“Nothing?,” I ask.
Silence save for some post-nasal sniffs.
“OK,” I say, “You leave me no choice. Pack up your shit. You’re gone. Hasta luego. I’ll get Al or Chuck to drive you back to Reno. We don’t have time for posers nor time-wasters, we have a lot of serious work to do. Da svidonya.”
With that, I stomped back to my truck. Chuck and Al were laying out their mine-access gear; three sets.
“Gentlemen,” I announce, “Newsflash! You only need two sets of gear. I need a favor from one, or both, of you. I need y’all to drive back to Reno and drop someone at the bus or train station, a taxicab stand or parcel-post pickup place. Then stop by the liquor store and bring me a couple of new bottles of expensive vodka”
“No shit?” they both gasp in unison.
“No shit,” I reply, “He’s finally crossed the Rubicon with me. He pushed all the wrong buttons. I bounced his ass. While you’re road tripping, I need to write up my incident report. After that, I’ll get into that mine for initial recon. We’ve already wasted enough time fucking around with this Bozo. I tell you what though when Sam reads my personnel report, I wouldn’t want to be in Mr. Leonard’s funky field shoes. Hell of a way to start a Thursday. Or a fledgling career.”
“Rock,” Al and Chuck say, “Say the word. One, both, whatever you want. We’ll handle Mr. Leonard.”
“Thanks, guys,” I reply, “I really wish it hadn’t come to this. I hate seeing someone washout like this. It’s going to haunt his entire career. It’s not like he wasn’t warned beforehand. We all tried to help him along; he just refused everything, every time. I guess the old adage is true; you just can’t make a chicken salad out of chicken shit.”
“Whoa,” Al recoils, “that’s a bit harsh.”
“Al,” I shake my head, “No harsher than me putting him or one of you two in a body bag because someone wouldn’t, couldn’t, or didn’t listen to instructions. That is something I simply cannot tolerate. We’re not playing jacks here, gentlemen. This shit,” I point to the trailer and my truck, “is grim and harsh reality.”
Chuck and Al blink and shake their heads in agreement.
“But first,” I say, “Let’s just take a breather. The day’s schedule is fucking hosed anyway. Chuck, please go into the cab of my truck, under the passenger seat of which is a tin of my wife’s signature rum balls. Let’s savor a cuppa, a few confections, then get on with our day’s unpleasant duties.”
“Gotcha, Doctor,” Chuck grins.
“Y’know. There’s always room for two.,” I smirk back.
Over coffee and my wife’s delightful rum ball cookies, we’re chatting like old times. The camaraderie that had marked this expedition to date has returned in force. We’re back to being a solid team.
I pat myself down, looking for my cigar case.
“Ah! Hellfire and Dalmatians,” I grouse, “I dropped my bloody cigar case somewhere.”
I heard someone clearing their throat. Leonard is standing there, my cigar-case in hand.
“Rock,” he says meekly, “I think you dropped this.”
“Much obliged,” I reply frostily, and take back my property.
“Umm…Doc…ahhh…Rock,” Leonard stammers, “Can we talk? Alone?”
I put the fire to a new cigar and puff it into life.
“Yeah. Sure. We can talk. I like to talk. We all do.,” I reply glacially, “But anything you can say to me, you can say to the team. See? We’re a team here. We all work together. We divvy-up burdens. You’re a lot to share.”
“Ah, I’d really prefer,” he stammers, “to speak with you in confidence.”
“Y’know something, Leo?,” I reply, “I don’t give a bright red goddamned hoot in hell what the fuck you prefer. Go pack your shit and get the fuck out of here. I don’t have time for monks resisting the carnival.”
Let him chew over that last reference for a while.
“Sorry. My deepest apologies.,” he capitulates, “May I sit?”
“I suppose. Just not on the fire, if you please.” I reply.
“Doctor…Rock…,” he begins, “Oh, wow. This is hard.”
“So is returning to Mines in disgrace and ignominy,” I reply.
“Umm, yeah,” he continues. Al and Chuck are stone silent, taking in every word. “I guess I need to first seriously apologize.”
I sit, puffing away, but listening.
“I was out of line,” he says.
“Out of line?” I reply, “Buster, you were completely non-linear. Also, address the team, if you please.”
“OK, sir. Yes, this I know,” he continues, “See, I was rather coerced into all this.”
“No, I don’t see.” I note, “Explain.”
“I just wanted to be an engineer,” he says, “I was content letting others, like you three, do the grunt work out in the field. I felt I was destined for greater things, bigger things.”
“Uh, ha.,” I say, “I think I’m beginning to see part of the problem here. A bad case of warped perception.”
“Ah, yes,” he replies, “I’ve had some tiffs at university with people who actually liked working in the field. It’s caused some backlash and has had a negative effect on my academic career.”
“Umm, Mr. Leonard,” I add, shaking my head, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
“Yes,” he gulps, “To my shame and dismay, I fear you are correct.”
“Even when you’re groveling, do you have to be a horse’s ass?” I ask.
“My father pressured me,” he rebounds.
“Oh, boo fucking hoo,” I think.
I was going to cut him off as I’ve heard this story countless times before. Instead, I give Chuck and Al the high sign to listen up and take mental notes.
“Yes?” I ask.
“Well,” he begins, “He is an engineer. A very successful engineer. He has a string of consulting companies, he’s done very well. VERY well. He always expected me to follow his path, but my interests lie elsewhere. He is a design engineer, buildings, towers, estates. I was more interested in geological engineering. Damns, Mines. Tunnels.”
“Nothing I haven’t heard before Mr. Leonard. Do continue though.” I say.
“Well,” Leonard pushes on, “That was the start of our differences. We finally came to an agreement that he’d continue to fund my studies to completion as long as I was the best at what I did. Therein lies the problem.”
“I’ve already seen several, but do continue,” I reply.
“In order to obtain my degree, I must acquire both field and extracurricular credits. Without them, I won’t receive my degree,” he explains, “and without that, I’ll be cut off. Disinherited, probably. No future with Father’s firm. This was my final hope. Now you’re tossing me aside. It’s all such a sordid muddle.”
I sit there smiling like a Lewis Carroll cat.
“OK,” I say, “Let me get this straight. You’re a child of extreme privilege. Given everything you could possibly desire without the least amount of effort. Am I correct so far?”
“…yes…” he replies sheepishly.
“I see,” I say, and slurp some more camp coffee, “Now it’s nut cuttin’ time and your future is in the hands of a group of folks, who, by your own admission, are ‘lower caste’. Correct?”
“…yes..” he bleats forlornly.
“I don’t know,” I say, “Perhaps it’s really not your fault. It might be genetic, some people simply aren’t cut out for this groundbreaking and pioneering work. Some would rather just content themselves by harvesting the fruits of other’s efforts. Am I wrong?”
“No,” he replies. “You are not.”
“Damn skippy,” I say, “Let me appeal to your more economic side. What do you offer to this team in way of means and ability that counteracts and overwhelms your deficiencies? Simple risk : reward analysis. Balance sheet stuff. You savvy?”
“Yes, Doctor,” he replies, this time without the usual hint of malice. “I can assure you I have the highest GRE [Graduate Record Exams] scores in my class …”
“GRE scores?” I laugh, “First, I doubt you’d have the highest GRE scores in this camp. But that’s irrelevant. What about your field abilities? Your abilities to think on your feet? Your abilities to adapt and improve? Your abilities to work with limited data and come up with solutions? Your ability to live without a maid, driver and wet nurse? So far, all I’ve heard from you is plaints and whines. What about your abilities to do work?”
“Well,” he stammers, “I did design a new spillway for that dam in Ghana. Helped a lot of people. Saved them from the annual floods. Provided water for irrigating their crops.”
“Yeah,” I say, “I was wondering when that would crop up. See, I’ve read your CV and prospectus. That was then, this is now. Continue?”
“Doctor, guys,” the false facade finally fails, “OK, I admit it, I’m a child of privilege. I’m also a good engineer. But I admit that I’m lacking in social skills.”
Chuck and Al can’t help but emit a low whistle.
“But, I need this,” he whines, “You’re my last hope. I barely made it through my field camp. My father actually went to Dr. Abstoßen personally to get me on your team. He might have even bribed him, I don’t know. But my father looked into the program when the circular came around school. He thought it might just be the thing I need; whatever he meant by that. After he researched you and your program, he ran to Dr. Abstoßen and almost begged him to write me a letter of recommendation. Look, Doc…er…Rock, this is all very painful for me.”
“They say confession is good for the soul,” I remind him.
“Rather,” he continues, “Rock, I need this. Desperately. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me and let me have another chance? I promise I’ll change. Well, I can’t actually promise, but I’ll damn sure try.”
“Damn?,” I recoil, “Why Mr. Leonard. Profanity? That’s just so ‘lower caste’.”
“See?,” I’m trying already.” He says.
“You’ve been trying from the beginning.,” I reply, “But it’s not up to just me. Unless you haven’t been listening, I’m only the leader of this little rat pack. You not only have to convince me, but you also have to convince them, your potential teammates, as well.”
Chuck and Al look like they’ve just been tossed a live grenade.
“Gentlemen?,” I ask.
Chuck snorts, “Well…he is a monumental pain in the ass. That’s a given. Although, I suppose we could always use another hand, especially after dinner. Still…I’m not sure. Whaddya think, Al?”
Al snorts as well, “Yeah, he’s a real piece of work, ain’t he? But that’s just this near geology Ph.D.’s ‘lower caste’ member noting that. However…it would be nice to have someone slower than me if a grizzle bear attacks...”
Mr. Leonard,” I chuckle, “It appears you might have just passed muster with your potential teammates. Guess that leaves it up to me. Doctor Rocknocker, the Motherfucking Pro from Dover. Yeah, that’s how I’m known in both academia and industry. I didn’t achieve that status by sitting on my hands, being coy, or worrying about people’s feelings. I go to where the job requires, and actually do the necessary work to get the fucking job done. Period, end of sentence. Full stop. You diggin’ me, Beaumont?”
Leonard looks very, very puzzled.
Al breaks the spell, “That’s just one of Rock’s weird turns of phrase. He’s got millions of ‘em. If you hang around, you’ll get used to them. Maybe.”
“The question still remains. We green?” I ask.
“I will yield to your wishes.,” he replies.
“Oh, no, no, no.,” I say, “No. No. No. It’s not like that. I say ‘jump’, you say ‘how high’? I say ‘shit’, you say ‘what color’?”
Leonard smiles slightly for the very first time.
“Mr. Leonard,” I continue, “I’m serious as stage-4 liver cancer. Your attitude changes right this second or it’s the old highway home for you. You heard me correctly; my way or the highway. We are not on a pleasure cruise, nor a camping holiday. We’re working in fucking dangerous old, abandoned mines. We carry sidearms for personal defense. We use high explosives. We swear, we stink, we smoke, we drink. We’re in an inhospitable and dangerous land that’d kill you just as much like to shake your hand. We might run up against deadly animals. Deadly diseases. Deadly atmospheres. Deadly people. You 100% committed to this? This is your final chance. You say ‘yes’, and still fuck off; you’ll spend the next month in the backseat of a Land Cruiser, twiddling your thumbs.”
“Oh, thanks Rock,” Al laughs.
I smirk and continue, “This is no charade. This is reality at its grim realest. It’s not always pretty, it’s not always comfortable, and it’s often not what we want. But that’s the way it is. You in or out? You agree to everything I’ve said, will say, and tell you to do, or not to do? You will become a functioning, valuable part of this team, not just an individual contributor. No exceptions. None. That’s it. Final offer is on the table for the next 30 seconds.”
He furtively looks to Al. Then he looks to Chuck. They’ve gone all Iron Eyes Cody at this point.
He looks to me and shakes his head. He stands up, I have no idea if he’s going to walk, accept, or have a seizure.
“Rock,” he says as he sticks out his hand, “Teach me. Instruct me. Make me learn. Make me into a better industrial scientist and person.”
“Shit,” I say, shaking his hand, “That’s a tall order.”
If it wasn’t so early in the day, it’d be Miller Time.
“One final thing, Mr. Leonard,” I say, “It’s Rock. It’s Al. It’s Chuck. And it’s Leo. We green?”
“Green as Tivoli in summer.” He smiles back.
I take it that he agrees.
“OK,” I say, “Now that’s settled, back to the project at hand. Fall out in 10 for mine-ingress equipment check out. My truck. See you there.” I freshen up my coffee.
It is the gunpowder that makes it special.
Chuck and Al help Leo get kitted out for his first mine adventure. They’re getting good at all this.
They go over the use of the NORM badge. How the noxious gas monitors work. The care and feeding of the Scott air pack SCBA apparatus. the utility of Self Rescuers. All the climbing gear; harnesses to pitons. Accessories such as camera, hip chain, sheath knife, hammer, sample bags, air, and water dye packs, beef jerky, canteen, sidearm (none for Leo at present), rucksack, hardhat, electric miner’s lamp, torches, battery packs, spray paint and paint capsules…
Leo looks like a festive mudball. All his expensive field clothes, he actually had some long pants along, his tan shirt and ever-present towel.
Can’t actually fault him for that.
But…
“Leo,” I say, “C’mere.”
He walks over.
“Those field ‘boots’ you got there hard-toed?” I ask.
“Well, they’re supposed to provide protection from falling rocks and…” he says.
“Mind if I stomp on your toes with my Vasque Trakkers?” I ask.
“Um, I’d really rather that you didn’t,” he replies.
“OK,” I tell him, “We’re going to lose those lightweight boots you’ve got. We've got a spare couple of pairs in the back of my truck. My size 16’s certainly won’t fit you, but one of Chuck’s or Al’s might. Get after it.”
“But these are all broken in,” he begins to protest.
“As will be your foot if you take a misstep over a loose, rotted board, or catch a rusted nail. Do we need to review our agreement?” I ask.
A few minutes later I tell Leo to take it easy in the back of my truck.
“I’ve got breakables back there.” Fer Christ’s sake.
He finds a pair that will work. I tell him I’ll call the Bureau with his shoe size and have them send a pair out to some town where we’ll next make landfall.
“Gentlemen,” I bellow. “Mine access. We green?”
“GREEN! Doctor,” came the reply.
“Marvelous,” I mutter.
After securing camp, we walk up to the mine adit. I explain the mine’s plan and what we hope to accomplish with our recon.
“It’s a fairly simple mine layout,” I note, holding up the last schematic from the mine.
“Central sloping tunnel. Numerous lateral drifts. A gob of ore chutes up raises, so be careful, they’re probably still full of the last mine run. They’re always dicey. Single level, no shafts or multi-level raises of any size. Since it’s been abandoned for so long, be mindful of critters. OK?”
“Ready, Rock,” they say.
“Marvelous.”
We make our initial entry.
I have a little surprise along for all my charges. I brought along an old miner’s carbide lamp and a can of calcium carbide.
Back in the day, they used carbide lamps for illumination. Add water to CaC2, or calcium carbide, and you get acetylene gas, C2H2. This would collect in the lamp on the miner’s hardhat and once lit, would sustain a reaction as long as the gas evolved.
They would carry tins of calcium carbide into the mine and leave them just about everywhere for instant refills. This alone is a danger not often noted. Rusty carbide cans and water leave puddles of acetylene. It could provide quite the shock if it spontaneously ignites.
It burns with a sooty flame, in fact, old-time miners used them to mark the mine wall or leave graffiti with them.
In the main gallery, which is about 30 feet across, this was a serious mine, I begin my demonstration.
“OK, guys,” I smile, “Just the way I like it, Old School.”
I show them the carbide tin and lamp. I explain its use and a bit of its history.
To be continued.
submitted by Rocknocker to Rocknocker [link] [comments]

What's happening around town (Wed, May 29th - Tue, Jun 4th)

Oklahoma City's event list.

Ongoing

Wednesday, May 29th

  • Andy Hedges in Concert (The Blue Door - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00pm Songster, storyteller, and guitarist Andy Hedges stops at The Blue Door in Oklahoma City for a special evening of…
  • 🍴 Anthem Drown Night! (HiLo Club - Oklahoma City) Our local friends at Anthem Brewing Co. have some great beers! Every Wednesday night from 9pm to close enjoy $8 Drown Night! Their Power Pils will be flowing!
  • Because It's Wednesday Band (The Deli - Norman) Start Time: 7:00pm Join us on Hump day and rock out with the Because It's Wednesday Band!
  • Bi-Weekly Meetup (51st st. Speakeasy - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 5:00pm
  • 🎓 Botanical Balance FREE Yoga (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 5:45pm Botanical Balance FREE YOGA presented by Fowler Toyota, sponsored by Tinker Federal Credit Union and Stephenson Cancer Center Tuesdays, 5:45 pm and Saturdays, 8 am Check in at the Visitor Center and find out location which changes depending on the season Instructors provided by This Land Yoga Bring a mat, water, and an “open mind”…
  • 🍴 Dope Poetry Night (ICE Event Center - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 7:30pm Every Wednesday night at the Ice Event Center Sports Bar and Grill located at the heart of Oklahoma City! Sign ups begin at 7pm and show begins at 7:30pmish. Free Admission! Free vendor set up! Bar Restaurant
  • Free Team Trivia Night (Othello's of Norman - Norman) Start Time: 8:00pm Join us every Wednesday for FREE Team Trivia Night at Othello's hosted by Challenge Entertainment! FREE to play! Play solo or bring your friends and play...
  • 🎡 Looking For Something? (The Blue Door - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00pm Andy Hedges is a songster, reciter, storyteller, guitarist, and collector of cowboy songs and poems. The son of an Italian schoolteacher and a rodeo cowboy turned preacher, Andy was born in Lubbock, Texas, in the spring of 1980. He grew up in the small community of Tokio, Texas, where his family paid rent on an old farmhouse by looking after a…
  • 🎓 Managing Stress (Brahma Kumaris Meditation Center - Edmond) Start Time: 6:30pm Being stressed is uncomfortable. When you know why stress happens, you will know how to deal with it and how to antidote it. The trick is to learn the essential tools that stop stress happening.
    Regardless of its origins, stress drains our physical, emotional and mental energy.
    Several myths exist about the causes of stress and the most…
  • Reading Wednesdays, Ages 2-5 (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 9:30am Reading Wednesdays Every Wednesday, 9:30 am The Garden Classroom FREE Best for ages 2 to 5 Bring your youngster for story time each Wednesday at 9:30 am. Books are nature-themed and selected based on the season. We’ll begin with an interactive song and children will enjoy creating a small craft after the story. Join us the last Wednesday of…
  • 😂 Shang (Loony Bin Comedy Club - Oklahoma City) Thru Sat, Jun 1st
  • SINGO Wednesdays (Lower Bricktown - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 6:30pm Beat the midweek hump with the new bar game that everyone is talking about! SINGO is a new and exciting musical spin on the traditional game of Bingo. Instead of listening for a number, players are listening to their favorite music. Enjoy 1/2 price domestic drafts & discounted appetizers! Plus we will be giving prizes each night to the winners.…
  • 🏆 Wild Wednesdays (Remington Park - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 6:00pm Enjoy more winning every Wednesday in May when Wild Wednesdays get started from 6 to 10pm. Just play the Remington Park Casino games while using your...

Thursday, May 30th

  • Art Adventures (Fred Jones Jr. Museum of Art - Norman) Start Time: 10:30am
  • 🎓 Blast Off to Summer! Summer Kick Off (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 10:30am Join Purcell Public Library as we kick off our Summer Learning Program with some out-of-this-world fun! Kids are invited to sign up for the challenge,...
  • 🎭 The Comedy Magic & Mentalism of Max Krause 13+ (Max's Magic Theatre - OKC - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 9:15pm 13+ Ages
  • Disney Trip Tips (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 6:00pm A trip to Disney is a financial investment in family time. We want to help you save some time and money on your next trip to Disney. Come hear tips...
  • 🎓 Family Workshop: Twig Engineering (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 2:00pm Thursday, May 30, 2-3pm The Garden Classroom and Garden Grounds Member $6; Nonmember $8 Best for ages 8 to 11 Register by Friday, May 24 REGISTER HERE Calling all future scientists, engineers and foresters! Kids will use their imagination and STEAM skills to create twig boats out of natural materials. We’ll discuss ideas for successful boats…
  • Johnnyswim in Concert (The Jones Assembly - Oklahoma City) Head to The Jones Assembly in Oklahoma City for an evening of storytelling with Johnnyswim. Married couple and musical…
  • JOHNNYSWIM MOONLIGHT TOUR (The Jones Assembly - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 6:30pm To purchase tickets for this event, please visit our partner website HERE ! Doors at 6:30. Full bar and walk-up food window available. Rain or shine event. No re-entry. No refunds. No smoking. Under 16 must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. Support acts are subject to change without notice.
  • 🎓 Kharma (89th Street Collective - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 7:00pm Kharma with Exit Strategy and OTM This show is all ages. $10
  • Music to Meals: An ABLE Benefit (The Depot - Norman) Start Time: 7:00pm Local musicians Ken Pomeroy and Brother Heywood and will be providing the entertainment for our kick-off to summer concert, benefiting ABLE Community Based Services. Both musicians recently performed at the Rodeo Opry, in the historic Stockyards City in OKC. Hors d'oeuvres will be provided, courtesy of, and a cash bar will be available from El…
  • Navy Southwest’s 32nd Street Brass Band performance (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 11:00am Thursday, May 30, 11am and then again at 7pm Bandshell and The Devon Lawn FREE Bring lawns chairs, have a picnic In celebration of Navy Week (May 27-June 2) the Navy Southwest’s 32nd Street brass band will present two concerts in the Gardens. A short performance at 11am followed by a full brass band performance at 7pm. This band, stationed in…
  • Redbud Spectacular Horse Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Thru Sun, Jun 9th The Oklahoma Quarter Horse Association hosts the annual Redbud Spectacular at the Oklahoma State Fair Park. Come and cheer…
  • 😂 Shang (Loony Bin Comedy Club - Oklahoma City) Thru Sat, Jun 1st
  • Sick Ride // RedWitch Johnny (Blue Note - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 9:00pm Sick Ride -- disco death rock outta Lafayette, LA https://www.sickridela.com/ RedWitch Johnny -- fuzzy rock & roll from Stillwell, OK...
  • Toadies in Concert (Tower Theatre Studio - Oklahoma City) Catch grunge band Toadies live as they take the Tower Theatre stage in Oklahoma City. With seven studios' worth of…

Friday, May 31st

  • 🎨 Connect:Collect Print as Object (Oklahoma City University - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 5:00pm Connect:Collect “Connect:Collect” is a print exchange and exhibition which will introduce emerging and mid-career printmakers from Oklahoma to artists...
  • Food Truck Fridays (Moore Central Park - Moore) Sample a variety of tasty, creative eats served up fresh from food trucks on hand. At Food Truck Fridays in Moore, line up…
  • H&8th Night Market (Elemental Coffee - Oklahoma City) Once a year, gourmet food trucks, musicians and local businesses come together for the annual H&8th Night Market in…
  • Layers of Pink (The Deli - Norman) Start Time: 8:00pm
  • 🎭 Line Dance Your Way to the Stars (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 6:00pm Join us as we blast off into summer with a boot scootin' good time! Adults and teens will move their celestial bodies to the tune of Country and Western...
  • Live @ Legacy: John Calvin and Camille Harp (Legacy Park - Norman) Start Time: 7:00pm
  • 🎨 Meeting Gorbachev (Oklahoma City Museum of Art - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 5:30pm In this absorbing new documentary from the most mercurial master of the form, Werner Herzog (Grizzly Man, Cave of Forgotten Dreams), we witness Soviet...
  • Oklahoma City Pro Am Classic (Central Oklahoma City - Oklahoma City) Thru Sun, Jun 2nd Dedicate your weekend to food, fun, fuel and entertainment at Oklahoma City Pro Am Classic, a three-day cycling…
  • Redbud Spectacular Horse Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Thru Sun, Jun 9th The Oklahoma Quarter Horse Association hosts the annual Redbud Spectacular at the Oklahoma State Fair Park. Come and cheer…
  • 😂 Shang (Loony Bin Comedy Club - Oklahoma City) 1 day left
  • Street Noise, Johnny Manchild, & Limp Wizurdz (89th Street Collective - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 7:00pm Presenting one of OKC's newest pop-punk/indie rock bands: Street Noise! Johnny Manchild and The Poor Bastards and Limp Wizurdz will also grace us with...
  • Struggle Jennings - Meet & Greet (Your Mom's Place - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00pm Headliner: Struggle Jennings Main Support: Brianna Harness Big Buzz The Stixxx
  • Summer Celebration Series: Weather (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 10:00am Friday, May 31, 10 am-2 pm Children’s Garden Member $5; Nonmember $7 Join us for the first of three Summer Celebrations in the Children’s Garden as we explore the thunderous topic of weather! Demonstrations, hands-on activities, experiments, crafts, games and more will be available for families to learn about cloud types, storm formations…
  • 🍴 Teen YouTube Night (Guthrie Library - Guthrie) Start Time: 6:00pm This will be a fun filled night of trying not to laugh as each participant tries to get the audience to crack up. Snacks available. The City of...
  • 🍴 Tony and Tina's Wedding (Chester's Party Barn & Farm - Piedmont) Start Time: 7:00pm Due to the overwhelming interest, we have added another weekend to come and see and be involved in this immersive dinner theater show. State Door Theatre, in conjunction with Chester's Party Barn have created a dinner theater experience like no other.
  • What She Said Duo (Redrock Canyon Grill - Norman) Start Time: 6:00pm
  • Wild Rumpus Summer Reading Kick-off with the Navy Brass Band (Edmond) Start Time: 6:30pm Help us celebrate the start of our Summer Reading Program in this event for the whole family! Our Wild Rumpus will feature a performance from the Navy 32nd Street Brass Band live from the stage in Shannon Miller Park. Bring your own lawn chairs and picnic blankets, we'll provide the lawn games, popcorn and water! Snow cones will be available for…

Saturday, Jun 1st

  • Betting On A Cure (Remington Park - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 5:00pm Help us Celebrate 10 Years of Betting on a Cure, Horsemen Helping Horsemen. Join us for an evening of exciting Quarter Horse Racing which includes the $1...
  • 🎓 Botanical Balance FREE Yoga (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00am Botanical Balance FREE YOGA presented by Fowler Toyota, sponsored by Tinker Federal Credit Union and Stephenson Cancer Center Tuesdays, 5:45 pm and Saturdays, 8 am Check in at the Visitor Center and find out location which changes depending on the season Instructors provided by This Land Yoga Bring a mat, water, and an “open mind”…
  • Central OK Heart Walk (Bicentennial Park - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00am The 2019 Central OK Heart Walk in Oklahoma City is a great way to have fun while staying healthy. Heart Walk encourages…
  • 🏆 CMSA Mid Central Regional (Lazy E Arena - Guthrie) Start Time: 8:00am Cowboy Mounted Shooters take on the Lazy E Arena for the Mid Central Regional.
  • 🎭 The Comedy Magic & Mentalism of Max Krause - Matinee Show (Max's Magic Theatre - OKC - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 1:45pm Ages 5+
  • Dance of the Seasons (Civic Center Music Hall - Oklahoma City) Celebrate spring with the Oklahoma City Philharmonic's Classic Concert Series. Dance of the Seasons features violinist…
  • Edmond Electric Touch-a-Truck 2019 (Edmond) Start Time: 9:00am Touch-A-Truck is a fundraising event that provides kids of all ages with the opportunity to experience life-size vehicles and interact with community...
  • 🎓 Epic Charter Schools Graduation (Cox Convention Center - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 3:00pm
  • 🎓 Essentials of Raja Yoga Meditation- a day course (Brahma Kumaris Meditation Center - Edmond) Start Time: 12:00pm Taking time out has always been a vital part of improving the quality of life, refreshing our understanding of events and re-charging the spirit. A day Retreat is an opportunity to step off the conveyor belt of life and spend time in a peaceful and spiritual atmosphere, reflecting upon and exploring the important factors governing our…
  • 🎓 Families Explore: Constellations (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 11:00am Families are invited to come enjoy books and activities exploring the vast night sky and our constellations! Registration is required for these free...
  • Family Fishing Derby (Griffin Community Park - Norman) Start Time: 7:00am
  • Edmond Farmer's Market (Festival Marketplace - Edmond) Start Time: 8:00am
  • Granger Smith in Concert (Starlight Amphitheater @ Frontier City - Oklahoma City) Spend the day splashing in the Renegade Rapids or screaming on the Silver Bullet at Frontier City Theme Park before relaxing…
  • Insane Clown Posse in Concert (Diamond Ballroom - Oklahoma City) Join the gathering of Juggalos and Juggalettes in Oklahoma City this June as hip-hop duo Insane Clown Posse headlines at…
  • Junk Utopia (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 9:00am Search through someone else’s trash for your next treasure at the Junk Utopia Show in Oklahoma City. Whether…
  • Morgan Horse Association Showcase (Purcell Expo Center - Purcell) Day 1 of 2 Come watch riders compete at the Sooner State Morgan Horse Association seasonal showcase at the McClain County Expo Center…
  • 🏆 OKC Energy FC vs. LA Galaxy II (Taft Stadium - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:00pm Experience the excitement of major league soccer in Oklahoma as the Oklahoma City Energy Football Club takes on LA Galaxy II…
  • Oklahoma Route 66 Corvette Round Up (Hafer Park - Edmond) Start Time: 8:00am Browse rows of impressive classic cars at the Oklahoma Route 66 Corvette Round Up in Edmond. This event celebrates historic…
  • Oklahoma Senior Follies Show (Kirkpatrick Auditorium - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2 Oklahoma's greatest senior talents will take the stage for a delightful Oklahoma Senior Follies Show. Pick up tickets to…
  • Plant Slant Cooking (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 11:00am Adults, do you want to learn how to make healthy food and eat a more plant-based diet? Come and join us for some exciting new ideas! Registration is...
  • Oklahoma City Pro Am Classic (Central Oklahoma City - Oklahoma City) 1 day left Dedicate your weekend to food, fun, fuel and entertainment at Oklahoma City Pro Am Classic, a three-day cycling…
  • Red Brick Nights (Oklahoma Ave & Wentz Ave - Guthrie) From May to September, look forward to Guthrie's monthly Red Brick Nights, the town's food truck and live…
  • Redbud Spectacular Horse Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Thru Sun, Jun 9th The Oklahoma Quarter Horse Association hosts the annual Redbud Spectacular at the Oklahoma State Fair Park. Come and cheer…
  • Repticon Reptile & Exotic Animal Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Day 1 of 2 The Repticon Reptile & Exotic Animal Show at Oklahoma State Fair Park in OKC features vendors with reptile pets,…
  • Route 66 Triathlon (Lake El Reno - El Reno) The 12th annual Route 66 Triathlon held at Lake El Reno will host the sprint distance high school state championship, and…
  • 🏃 Run For The Dream (Stars & Stripes Park - Oklahoma City) http://www.beautifuldream.tv
    Beautiful Dream Society will host its 7th annual 2K Fun Run, 5K, and 10K races to raise funds and awareness for victims of human trafficking and to help the fight against modern day slavery in Lesotho, Africa and in Oklahoma.
  • Saturday for Kids: Cowboy Life (Western Heritage Museum - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 10:00am Cowboy life was not all about taking care of cattle. Out on the range or on long cattle drives, cowboys also had to take care of themselves. Discover how they cared for their day-to-day needs and what they did for entertainment. Free for children and accompanying adults. Available while supplies last.
  • 😂 Shang (Loony Bin Comedy Club - Oklahoma City) Last Day
  • 🏆 Speedhorse Graham Paint & Appaloosa Futurity-G1, Trials (Remington Park - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 12:00pm The $100,000 (added) Speedhorse Paint & Appaloosa Futurity-G1 will be ran at Remington Park on June 1, 2019. View a list of entries here:...
  • Star Spangled Salute Air & Space Show (Tinker AFB) Day 1 of 2 Performances by:
    • F-16 Viper Demo Team
    • U.S. Navy Blue Angels
  • Touch-A-Truck (University of Central Oklahoma - Edmond) Pack the kids into your car and head to the University of Central Oklahoma for the annual Touch-A-Truck event. Children are…

Sunday, Jun 2nd

  • Morgan Horse Association Showcase (Purcell Expo Center - Purcell) Day 2 of 2 Come watch riders compete at the Sooner State Morgan Horse Association seasonal showcase at the McClain County Expo Center…
  • Oklahoma Senior Follies Show (Kirkpatrick Auditorium - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2 Oklahoma's greatest senior talents will take the stage for a delightful Oklahoma Senior Follies Show. Pick up tickets to…
  • Oklahoma Victory Dolls Bout (Star Skate - Norman) Catch the buzz as the Oklahoma Victory Dolls put on an electrifying dance of athleticism and grace when jammers and blockers…
  • Oklahoma City Pro Am Classic (Central Oklahoma City - Oklahoma City) Last Day Dedicate your weekend to food, fun, fuel and entertainment at Oklahoma City Pro Am Classic, a three-day cycling…
  • Redbud Spectacular Horse Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Thru Sun, Jun 9th The Oklahoma Quarter Horse Association hosts the annual Redbud Spectacular at the Oklahoma State Fair Park. Come and cheer…
  • Repticon Reptile & Exotic Animal Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Day 2 of 2 The Repticon Reptile & Exotic Animal Show at Oklahoma State Fair Park in OKC features vendors with reptile pets,…
  • Star Spangled Salute Air & Space Show (Tinker AFB) Day 2 of 2 Performances by:
    • F-16 Viper Demo Team
    • U.S. Navy Blue Angels
  • Steve Martin & Martin Short (Civic Center Music Hall - Oklahoma City) Don't miss Steve Martin and Martin Short at the Oklahoma City Civic Center Music Hall. Together, the two Martins will…
  • Sunday Twilight Concert Series (Myriad Botanical Gardens - Oklahoma City) Bring a lawn chair, a picnic and the whole family to the Sunday Twilight Concert Series on the Myriad Botanical…

Monday, Jun 3rd

  • Redbud Spectacular Horse Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Thru Sun, Jun 9th The Oklahoma Quarter Horse Association hosts the annual Redbud Spectacular at the Oklahoma State Fair Park. Come and cheer…

Tuesday, Jun 4th

  • Chisholm Creek Rooftop Hop (Chisholm Creek - Oklahoma City) This summer, prepare for ample live music opportunities. Each Tuesday night, head over to Chisholm Creek to enjoy Happy Hour…
  • 🏆 Oklahoma City Dodgers vs. Sacramento River Cats (Chickasaw Bricktown Ballpark - Oklahoma City) Thru Thu, Jun 6th Start Time: 7:05pm Come experience America's favorite pastime in downtown Oklahoma City as the OKC Dodgers take on the Sacramento River…
  • Luis Miguel - Tour 2019 (Chesapeake Energy Arena - Oklahoma City) Start Time: 8:30pm Grammy Award-winning artist Luis Miguel is headed to the Chesapeake Energy Arena in Oklahoma City. Known for his…
  • Redbud Spectacular Horse Show (Oklahoma State Fair Park - Oklahoma City) Thru Sun, Jun 9th The Oklahoma Quarter Horse Association hosts the annual Redbud Spectacular at the Oklahoma State Fair Park. Come and cheer…
  • Wheeler Criterium (Oklahoma City) Once the weather starts warming up, gather your crew and head south of the Oklahoma River for the Wheeler Criterium each and…

See Also

submitted by eventbot to okc [link] [comments]

Betting Tips today  Sports Betting Journey DAY 2 ( 14.7.2020 ) Daily Betting Tips / FREE FIXED MATCHES / HTFT/ CORRECT SCORES // 11TH JULY, 2020 UFC Fight Night: Figueiredo vs Benavidez 2 Odds and Picks NBA Restart Preview, Future Of College Sports, 7/11/20  Betting Around The Rim Reno Nevada Sports Handicapping for Football Baseball Basketball Betting Services

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Betting Tips today Sports Betting Journey DAY 2 ( 14.7.2020 )

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