IG Academy | Spread Betting Courses and Training | IG UK

I fixed our company fax machine. I wish I didn't.

I know what you’re thinking.
It’s 2020. Who the hell still uses fax machines?
You’re right obviously. There can’t be many people who are still using them in this day and age, but apparently, my office is one of them. They don’t actually use it of course , but it sits there in the printing room, unplugged and gathering dust. For some reason, nobody ever dared throw it away. My guess is that nobody from management ever took enough interest, or were worried one of the old guard would throw a hissy fit if it disappeared one day. I suppose it’s one of those relics people keep around “just in case”.
Whatever the reason, we’ve got one. And despite working in coding, whenever something electrical breaks in the office, I get asked if I can help fix it. (Here’s a life lesson - never show anyone at work you’re good with computers. Suddenly you’ll be working two jobs for the price of one.) Since I’m a sucker for a pretty woman, and too polite to say no, about four months ago when a pretty woman asked if I could fix the fax machine, you bet your ass I quit scrolling on reddit and headed to the printer room.
Turned out to be an easy fix - it was just out of ink. But, since pretty much all our cartridges are those rip off branded ones that only work with a specific printer, sourcing new ink meant I had to order some online. After searching the cubicles I finally found the girl to let her know it should be working in a couple of days. I was hoping for “My hero” and possibly a bit of light swooning, but she didn’t even look up from her phone and all I got was a “K, thanks”. She’d just been asked by her manager to do an inventory check and passed it down the line to me. Great.
This was back when Covid-19 was still just a rising trend on twitter, before the world went into full blown panic mode. Despite my best efforts to ignore current events, I still got sucked into the standard water cooler conversations that everyone was having, and I forgot all about the fax machine until the ink arrived the next week. Even after filling the fax machine up, one of its little lights was still flashing. The machine was so old, whatever symbol had been placed directly under the electric diodes had long since faded. Despite the missing symbols, I realised it was trying to print something but had no paper.
Ink and paper. Heroic fix, right?
The moment I loaded it with A4, this ancient little machine snatched the paper and began churning out page after page. It was that archaic nineties sound, when you could hear the ink plotter whirring back and forth. Just printing one page seemed to take almost a minute, but the pages soon piled up and just kept on coming. I supposed that even though the fax machine had been off all these years, it had just instantly resumed whatever print queue was still in its internal storage. If the fax number had been live all this time, it could well be processing every single file that had been sent to our company fax number since nineteen-ninety-whenever.
Looking down at the pages it had spat out, I could see how it ran out of ink. The pages were full black and white pictures. The resolution was terrible though. I hovered around for a minute, but this machine would not stop printing. Flicking through the images, I checked to see if someone had accidentally punched in too many zeroes when they chose how many copies to print, but each page was different. They all followed the same format though, a full black and white image, and a big number in the top right corner. I puzzled over it, trying to make patterns out of the numbers, but they were all over the place.
2
782
45
99999999999999
1.315
800
The images didn’t seem to form any sort of logical grouping either. They weren’t adverts or presentation materials. They didn’t look professional or creative. They were just random. People. Things. One was just a weird floaty ball thing; it looked like a space hopper, but for aliens. I let the pile of paper flop back down and scrolled on my phone. Eventually it would print everything, surely?
I was getting a little bit too distracted by the girls of ‘GoneMild’ when an abrupt halt to the fax machine’s endless whirring made me look up. It had finally stopped printing. When I moved closer to look, the light was flashing again. Out of ink....
Grumbling to myself, I headed to the supply cupboard to grab the bottle I’d bought. Luckily, I’d had to buy in bulk, so still had plenty left. Since the fax machine was running low on paper, I topped that up too. Knowing I couldn’t spend the whole day standing next to this fax machine looking at abundant cleavage, I scooped up the images, set them to one side and let the fax machine do its thing.
Just before I left for the day, I went to go check on it. It had stopped printing, but only because it had run out of ink. Again. Cursing whichever moron had sent an entire graphic novel collection to the fax machine twenty years ago, I tried to see if I could somehow clear the print queue, but the buttons didn’t do anything and there was no display panel, just lights that blinked when it needed something. There’s a joke about my ex-girlfriend there somewhere, but let’s not go there.
Figuring maybe it would finish overnight, I moved the fresh stack of printed pictures - still just numbers and images - next to the previous pile and reloaded the fax machine with ink and paper. It dutifully resumed whirring and spitting out new images.
It wasn’t a surprise the next day to find that the fax machine’s thirst for ink (and my time) had not yet been quenched. It almost seemed proud of its new collection of prints, and I quickly flicked through to see if this pile was any different, but it was just as nonsensical and bizarre as the rest. I could - and probably should - have left it. But I was curious to see how much longer this queue would last before I reached the end. Without sitting there and counting them, there must have been easily three hundred pages of weird images. How many more could there be? Besides, the ink I’d bought wouldn’t be compatible with any of the other printers our company owned, so I might as well use it. I topped up the machine again and left it humming and chewing through a fresh pack of A4.
Halfway through the day, there was a knock at my office door, and an extremely pissed off woman from upper management asked me what the hell I was printing on company time. She practically dragged me to the printing room, whilst I did a less-than-spectacular attempt at explaining the situation.
“Look at this!” she said, gesturing wildly at the fax machine. The light was blinking again, as if to taunt me. On top of the fresh stack of paper was the number ‘84’, and an image of a man’s face, close up, clearly in pain. Agony might have been a better way to describe it. Even with the pixelated and crappy monotone quality of the printer, you could see the man’s facial muscles contorting, eyes clamped shut, teeth bared.
“I haven’t printed any of this,” I said quickly, holding up my hands, “this is just whatever is left from the last time it was on.”
“Even so, you can’t just leave them lying around,” she hissed, splaying the pages and pulling them out to show me. I’d just been looking for patterns, but she was searching for offensive images, and in the stack of hundreds, there were plenty to choose from. Images of fire and blood, people wearing sinister masks, dead bodies just lying in the street. When she pulled them out and lumped them together, it didn’t look good. “This is completely unacceptable! Get rid of them.”
She picked up the rest of the papers and dumped them in my hands. As she scrambled around, the only thing I could think to mutter was “it’s still not finished printing.”
“Just leave it,” she snapped, pulling out the plug and sticking the fax machine on its old dusty shelf, “it’s 2020, who still uses these things?”
She was right, of course. I’d known the only reason they’d wanted it turned on was for an inventory check. Nobody actually wanted to use it. But I guess programmers are naturally curious about how things work. Or I am, at least. I still wanted to see how deep this particular rabbit hole went, but it wasn’t worth losing my job over. I’d not really noticed how bad some of the images were. I turned the pages upside down as I walked back to my office, to avoid anyone else seeing them.
Hovering over the bin, I was half tempted to keep them. They were kind of cool, in a weird way. But what was I going to do with hundreds of random images and numbers? I dropped the whole stack into the bin, and forgot about it. I browsed reddit, and when my colleague came in we talked about how crazy this whole coronavirus thing was.
That was before the lockdown. We started working from home before the Government shut down the country. It’s been a weird few months - like living in a really boring movie - but I was actually kind of glad to get back to work. I’m a creature of routine, I guess.
Not everybody was as eager or as willing to go back to the office as I was, so the place was pretty deserted when I got to work. I did a little bit of catching up with the few faces I saw and knew, then sat down at my computer. No word of a lie, it actually had cobwebs on it. I grabbed some tissues from my drawer and wiped the screen, then as I slid across to throw it in the bin - I froze.
The papers from the fax machine. In all the lockdown craziness, I’d forgotten all about them, but even the cleaners had been sent home when it all kicked off. The papers were still in my bin. The top page was still the one that I'd been yelled at for. The pained face, twisted in an excruciating grimace. Only there was a difference now that made the skin on my arms tingle.
I recognised the face.
The whole world recognised that face now. On a four month old piece of paper, printed in monotone black, was George Floyd.
When I’d first seen this image, I had no idea who he was. It wasn’t the face the TV was showing though; the normal photo of him looking into the camera, alive and well. It was the face that you had to go on internet videos to see. Pinned down. Knee on his neck. Dying.
For a moment, me and George just stared at each other. Then I reached down and slowly pulled all the papers out of the bin, shaking my head. Was I remembering things wrong? Had George died before lockdown? Even if he had, why was a fax machine printing pictures of his death? I pulled up google, and checked. George Floyd died May 25th 2020. We left the office the first week of March.
I just sat there, slowly spinning in my chair, completely unable to process the image in front of me. Then I remembered there were hundreds more pages underneath. Scattering them around the table, my mouth hung open as I began to recognise things I didn’t know the last time I saw them.
The weird blob that had just looked like an alien space hopper, my eyes now instantly saw it was the coronavirus, viewed under a microscope. If I’d have been paying more attention at the time, I’d have probably known. There were riots and protests, a police officer with bullet wounds in his chest, a black teenager hung in a noose, the dead bodies in the street were wearing face masks. A shiver wrapped its way around my entire body as cold realisation spilled over me. Only a few images made any sense to me, but every single one had happened after it had been printed.
It couldn’t be right. Someone must have changed the pictures. They were so low quality, I must just be seeing things. I snatched the picture of George up. It was him. There was no denying it. It was him. My eyes flicked to the ‘84’ at the top right corner. Should I put them in order? I slid the papers around, searching for an ‘83’ or ‘85’, then I paused. He died almost three months after this was printed…
Pulling up the calendar on my computer, I started counting backwards from May 25th. As my finger moved closer and closer to the week we’d left the office, I forced myself to count out loud, but each number just came out in a strangled whisper.
“Eighty-one, eighty-two, eighty-three…”
My finger pointed to March 3rd and fell away. I couldn’t physically say the number. But it was the same as the one printed in black above George Floyd’s final moments. Casting my mind back, I tried desperately to remember what day I printed off these pages. I knew I got the ink delivery on a Monday, and I was printing for one more day before I got told to stop.
March 3rd was a Tuesday.
The fax machine hadn’t just printed the future. It had told me how many days until it happened. As if it had been trying to warn me.
In that moment, I became extremely aware of how cold it was in my office, and how quiet. My hands slid by themselves to the pile of papers, rummaging around until I could find another to verify. All the rioters were too vague; I needed something more specific. At first I passed straight over an image of Big Ben and empty London streets, but then I realised that it could represent the UK going into lockdown. Only when I pulled out the paper did I see the number.
31080
I couldn’t remember exactly how many days had passed between printing and lockdown, but somehow that seemed a little high. Maybe my day theory was just a coincidence with George. Still, here I was surrounded by hundreds of images that the fax machine had somehow known would happen before they did. I was just about to go and check the machine was still in the printing room, when my eyes landed on a page that made me pause.
It showed a man in an untucked shirt and jeans carrying a large box. One that looked a lot like the fax machine. And the man looked a lot like me, even down to the clothes I was wearing.
Despite the cold air, I was starting to sweat. Both my arms were trembling with faint shivers, and I puffed out a deep lungful of air, half to hear something familiar and natural, half to break the silence that was digging under my skin. I ignored the man who looked like me as best I could, and concentrated on the number. 128. Frowning, I turned back to the calendar and counted the days. One hundred and twenty eight days from March 3rd would be tomorrow. So, tomorrow I’d grab the fax machine? In the clothes I was wearing today? If I’d not seen the image, I would have gone to grab it and bring it into the office right now. Looking back at the picture, it was impossible to tell where I was going or even where I was. The background might as well have been a snowstorm for all the grainy blots and faded ink.
Why was it printing pictures of me, or at least, someone who looked like me? And why such a mundane event? Fighting the urge to rip that page into little pieces, I decided to go to the printing room and see if the fax machine was still there. Weirdly, I was sort of relieved when I saw it was. Maybe I was worried someone might have taken it, and the mystery would be over. Raiding the supply cupboard for the remaining bottle of ink, I scooped the fax machine up in one arm and headed back to the office. I didn’t want to hold it like the man in the picture was, but because of its awkward shape and weight, I ended up doing exactly that.
Placing it down on my desk, I unravelled the cord and plugged the fax machine in, topping it up with ink and paper. Almost immediately, it resumed screeching and chewing through the paper. Mind racing, I looked at all the printed images and numbers, spread chaotically all over my desk. Snatching up the image that looked like me, I clutched it in both hands and stared at it so hard, my eyes must have been close to boring holes right through it. It didn’t look like me. It was me. There was no denying it. Desperately glancing back and forth at the number and my calendar, I realised that most of these pages had been printed on Monday 2nd March, not Tuesday 3rd of March. By searching through them like a frantic idiot, I’d mixed them all up. If this one of me had been printed on the Monday, the number was accurate. 128 days until it had come true. The machine had predicted exactly what I’d do, and even though I saw the image, I still did it.
I threw up into the bin.
Some part of my brain had still been holding onto the possibility that somebody was messing with me, but the page clutched in my shaking hands was proof that this was something else entirely. The fax machine was printing the future. Hundreds of pages of events that happened after they were printed.
I threw up again, dry heaving until there was nothing left in my stomach.
Wiping my mouth, I screwed up the image of myself and the fax machine and tossed it in the bin. It wasn’t like the others, and I had to wrestle with myself not to grab a lighter and set the thing on fire. George Floyd and the others had been creepy. The image with me in it - that I’d literally just fulfilled - took my soul and shook it. I was sweating so much I began to stain the other papers as I ruffled through them. All the images I recognised seemed significant for one reason or another. The kind of events that history would document. How was I included?
Fumbling through my colleague’s drawers, I found what I was looking for. His cigarettes. I normally only smoke when I’m drunk, but needed something to stop my brain racing. As I lit it and took a deep drag of hot vapourised tar, I dimly realised I’d never had a cigarette sober, and there was a reason for that. Puffing out thick plumes of foul tasting smoke and biting down a cough, I searched through the other images. How many had happened? How many were still to come? Were there any that were wrong? Since I’d already messed up the divide between Monday and Tuesday, I decided to take out the ones I knew had happened.
It helped a little bit, and stacked together I could see my theory about the numbers equalling days needed some refinement. Images of the riots following George’s death had all sorts of digits on, ranging from 2.6 to 7862027. Since I knew they’d definitely happened, I played around with the numbers a bit, and realised that if I treated the big numbers as seconds or minutes, they would fit the timeline much better. The small numbers generally worked out as months or weeks. Except for some that I could tell were actually days. It didn’t take long for my head to start hurting, and I didn’t think it was the cigarette.
So the image showed what would happen, and the number referred to when, in varying time formats. I was trying to think how I could organise the remaining images when the fax machine stopped printing. Out of ink again. God dammit.
The top page was just money on a counter, and I noticed something that had eluded me on the other images. The fax machine didn’t print text. Other than the number in the corner, there were no letters or symbols of any kind on the image itself. The bank notes were blank, with Queen Elizabeth’s face the defining feature that let me know it was currency. The top left number on this one was very small. 0.0329
Placing the stack neatly on my colleagues desk - I did not want to mix these up with the others - I reached for the bottle of ink and my heart sank. It was practically empty, with only a few dribbles of black ink at the bottom. Immediately, I jumped online to buy more.
With delivery times, I’d likely have to wait a couple of days to print more of the future. I bit off a laugh. What was I thinking? I couldn’t just sit on this, this was more important than some office schmuck waiting for a parcel. I needed to tell someone. The government needed this, or the UN or something. Someone who wasn’t me.
Pouring the last remnants of ink into the fax machine, I took out my phone. Who to call? My boss? The police? My local councillor? My fingers hovered over the numbers, wondering how I’d prove it. All my proof had already happened. Only that angry upper management woman had seen them beforehand, and she didn’t exactly seem like someone who I could get easily get on board. I didn’t even know her name.
Paralysed, I looked back at the papers, as if they might help me. The one with the money. That was a small number. It should be happening soon. The currency was British. That meant I’d got both space and time within at least some close proximity. But what did it mean? Money on a counter. That could be anything. Everybody in the country had money. I could reach into my wallet right now and put money on the-
I took out my wallet and opened it up. Two fivers and a twenty. Comparing the size and the pictures didn’t take long to see that the image showed the same. There were coins on the counter too. I unzipped my wallet and began to dig out my coins. I had four, and the image only had three. Relief washed over me as I figured it was likely just an extreme coincidence. Then, as I pulled out the coins to check closer, one slipped from my fingers and clattered to the floor, bouncing and rolling away. I lurched after it, but it disappeared underneath a filing cabinet.
Cursing, I examined my remaining coins. They were identical to those in the image. The one under the filing cabinet wasn’t there. This was my money.
The fax machine sputtered to a stop and I leapt out my chair, half in shock, half spurred to action. It was my money in the picture. The fax machine was predicting what I’d do again. I placed my money on the table and stepped back, waiting for something to happen. Nothing did, of course. I even tried rearranging it, to closer match the image. Nothing.
Looking at the fresh papers, it hadn’t even finished printing the latest one. It was still half stuck in the machine. I carefully pulled it out, and my blood went cold. At the bottom of a set of stairs, was a tangled heap of limbs. The face hadn’t been printed yet, but I recognised the untucked shirt. The trainers too, I recognised, even underneath the blood. And tauntingly, just on the edge of the image, was the fax machine.
This was me. Dead.
Swallowing, I became painfully aware of the number printed above the image. 6.
Six? Six what, days? Years? Minutes? Seconds?
If I’d had anything left to vomit, it would have come out. I needed to get out of here. I needed to take this machine and prove it was real to someone else or smash it to bits and throw it in a river or burn it or -
Forcing myself to take long, deep breaths, I studied the image. What if seeing this image made me panic and leave with the fax machine? What if, in my blind panic, I slipped on the stairs, and that’s what made the image come true?
Calming down a little, I realised I could just wait. There were no stairs in my office. If I just didn’t leave for a little bit longer, that ruled out seconds and minutes. I still had seven hours of my shift left, so I could rule out hours too. That just left days, weeks, months and years to worry about, right? And I could worry about them later.
So I sat still for a few minutes, sickly smile growing on my face. After what could well have been six minutes, one of the lights on the fax machine lit up, blinking red. That particular LED had never lit up before, and I found myself wishing I could have some idea what symbol would have been underneath it.
I decided it was because I’d beaten it. I’d not followed the future it had predicted for me, and so it wasn’t happy. Jokingly, I fed the paper back to it.
“Want this back?” I said out loud with a smile.
My smile shattered when the fax machine took it. It snatched the paper out my hand and garbled it in reverse, spitting out a clean white paper back into the feed tray. There was the briefest pause, and then it began printing again.
Once more, it ran out of ink before finishing, and the image came out incomplete. It was almost identical. A mangled body wearing my clothes, blood covered pages scattered all around, and a fax machine lying on its side. Instead of stairs, skid marks of a tyre ran underneath the pages and my body.. My face hadn’t printed this time either, and the number 0.00476 hung ominously above me.
Part of me wanted to immediately run the numbers, to see how long I had to avoid roads to stop this becoming true. But part of me knew the truth. The similarity of the images was too striking. The exact same prediction, just a different cause in a different place. Same death, just slightly later. The fax machine was apparently convinced this was my destiny.
On my computer, I closed the calculator and opened a Word document. This Word document. In a moment I’ll save it and email it to you. Please note the timestamp.
I’ve managed to push back my destiny once. The fax machine has shown me what to avoid and roughly how long for. The blinking red light even tells me when it’s safe. I’ve got a few strategies to survive, but this is my failsafe in case I’m wrong. It’s not like I can stay in this office forever. The pictures are important, and I’m amongst them, which means my actions are important.
I can’t sit in my office hiding away, whilst the literal future of humanity sits in my hands.
I’m going to get more ink.
***
[ error code 54 ] (846)
[ highlighted for retrieval and clean up ]
submitted by RyanHatesMilk to nosleep [link] [comments]

The Mouthbreather's Guide to the Galaxy

The Mouthbreather's Guide to the Galaxy
Alright CYKAS, Drill Sgt. Retarded TQQQ Burry is in the house. Listen up, I'm gonna train yo monkey asses to make some motherfucking money.

“Reeee can’t read, strike?” - random_wsb_autist
Bitch you better read if you want your Robinhood to look like this:
gainz, bitch


Why am I telling you this?
Because I like your dumb asses. Even dickbutts like cscqb4. And because I like seeing Wall St. fucking get rekt. Y’all did good until now, and Wall St. is salty af. Just google for “retail traders” news if you haven’t seen it, and you’ll see the salty tears of Wall Street assholes. And I like salty Wall St. assholes crying like bitches.
https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/retail-investors-are-crushing-hedge-funds-again

That said, some of you here are really motherfucking dense & the sheer influx of retardation has been driving away some of the more knowledgeable folks on this sub. In fact, in my last post, y'all somehow managed to downvote to shit the few guys that really understood the points I was making and tried to explain it to you poo-slinging apes. Stop that shit yo! A lot of you need to sit the fuck down, shut your fucking mouth and listen.
So I'm going to try and turn you rag-tag band of dimwits into a respectable army of peasants that can clap some motherfucking Wall Street cheeks. Then, I'm going to give you a mouthbreather-proof trade that I don't think even you knuckleheads can mess up (though I may be underestimating you).
If you keep PM-ing me about your stupid ass losses after this, I will find out where you live and personally, PERSONALLY, shit on your doorstep.
This is going to be a long ass post. Read the damned post. I don't care if you're dyslexic, use text-to-speech. Got ADHD? Pop your addys, rub one out, and focus! Are you 12? Make sure to go post in the paper trading contest thread first.

THE RULES:
  1. Understand that most of this sub has the critical reading skills of a 6 year old and the attention span of a goldfish. As such, my posts are usually written with a level of detail aimed at the lowest common denominator. A lot of details on the thesis are omitted, but that doesn't mean that the contents in the post are all there is to it. If I didn't do that, every post'd have to be longer than this one, and 98% of you fucks wouldn't read it anyway. Fuck that.
  2. Understand that my style of making plays is finding the >10+ baggers that are underpriced. As such, ALL THE GOD DAMN PLAYS I POST ARE HIGH-RISK / HIGH-REWARD. Only play what you can afford to risk. And stop PM-ing me the second the market goes the other way, god damn it! If you can't manage your own positions, I'm going to teach your ass the basics.
  3. Do you have no idea what you're doing and have a question? Google it first. Then google it again. Then Bing it, for good measure. Might as well check PornHub too, you never know. THEN, if you still didn't find the answer, you ask.
  4. This sub gives me Tourette's. If you got a problem with that, well fuck you.

This shit is targeted at the mouthbreathers, but maybe more knowledgeable folk’ll find some useful info, idk. How do you know if you’re in the mouthbreather category? If your answer to any of the following questions is yes, then you are:
  • Are you new to trading?
  • Are you unable to manage your own positions?
  • Did you score into the negatives on the SAT Critical Reading section?
  • Do you think Delta is just an airline?
  • Do you buy high & sell low?
  • Do you want to buy garbage like Hertz or American Airlines because it's cheap?
  • Did you buy USO at the bottom and are now proud of yourself for making $2?
  • Do you think stOnKs oNLy Go uP because Fed brrr?
  • Do you think I'm trying to sell you puts?
  • If you take a trade you see posted on this sub and are down, do you PM the guy posting it?
  • Do you generally PM people on this sub to ask them basic questions?
  • Is your mouth your primary breathing apparatus?
Well I have just the thing for you!


Table of Contents:
I. Maybe, just maybe, I know what I’m talking about
II. Post-mortem of the February - March 2020 Great Depression
III. Mouthbreather's bootcamp on managing a position – THE TECHNICALS
IV. Busting your retarded myths
V. LIQUIDITY NUKE INBOUND
VI. The mouthbreather-proof trade - The Akimbo
VII. Quick hints for non-mouthbreathers


Chapter I - Maybe, just maybe, I know what I’m talking about
I'm not here to rip you off. Every fucking time I post something, a bunch of dumbasses show up saying I'm selling you puts or whatever the fuck retarded thoughts come through their caveman brains.
"hurr durr OP retarded, OP sell puts" - random_wsb_autist
Sit down, Barney, I'm not here to scam you for your 3 cents on OTM puts. Do I always get it right? Of course not, dumbasses. Eurodollar play didn't work out (yet). Last TQQQ didn't work out (yet). That’s just how it goes. Papa Buffet got fucked on airlines. Plain retard Burry bought GME. What do you fucking expect?
Meanwhile, I keep giving y'all good motherfucking plays:
  1. 28/10/2019: "I'ma say this again, in case you haven't heard me the first time. BUY $JNK PUTS NOW!". Strike: "11/15, 1/17 and 6/19". "This thing can easily go below 50, so whatever floats your boat. Around $100 strike is a good entry point."
  2. 3/9/2020: "I mean it's a pretty obvious move, but $JNK puts."
  3. 3/19/2020, 12pm: "UVXY put FDs are free money." & “Buy $UVXY puts expiring tomorrow if we're still green at 3pm. Trust me.”
  4. 3/24/2020: “$UUP 3/27 puts at $27.5 or $27 should be 10-baggers once the bill passes. I'd expect it to go to around $26.”
And of course, the masterpiece that was the TQQQ put play.
Chapter II. Post-mortem of the February - March 2020 Great Depression
Do you really understand what happened? Let's go through it.
I got in puts on 2/19, right at the motherfucking top, TQQQ at $118. I told you on 2/24 TQQQ ($108) was going to shit, and to buy fucking puts, $90ps, $70ps, $50ps, all the way to 3/20 $30ps. You think I just pulled that out of my ass? You think I just keep getting lucky, punks? Do you have any idea how unlikely that is?
Well, let's take a look at what the fuckstick Kevin Cook from Zacks wrote on 3/5:
How Many Sigmas Was the Flash Correction Plunge?
"Did you know that last week's 14% plunge in the S&P 500 SPY was so rare, by statistical measures, that it shouldn't happen once but every 14,000 years?"
"By several measures, it was about a 5-sigma move, something that's not "supposed to" happen more than once in your lifetime -- or your prehistoric ancestors' lifetimes!
"According to general statistical principles, a 4-sigma event is to be expected about every 31,560 days, or about 1 trading day in 126 years. And a 5-sigma event is to be expected every 3,483,046 days, or about 1 day every 13,932 years."

On 3/5, TQQQ closed at $81. I just got lucky, right? You should buy after a 5-sigma move, right? That's what fuckstick says:
"Big sigma moves happen all the time in markets, more than any other field where we collect and analyze historical data, because markets are social beasts subject to "wild randomness" that is not found in the physical sciences.
This was the primary lesson of Nassim Taleb's 2007 book The Black Swan, written before the financial crisis that found Wall Street bankers completely ignorant of randomness and the risks of ruin."
I also took advantage of the extreme 5-sigma sell-off by grabbing a leveraged ETF on the Nasdaq 100, the ProShares UltraPro QQQ TQQQ. In my plan, while I might debate the merits of buying AAPL or MSFT for hours, I knew I could immediately buy them both with TQQQ and be rewarded very quickly after the 14% plunge."
Ahahaha, fuckstick bought TQQQ at $70, cuz that's what you do after a random 5-sigma move, right? How many of you dumbasses did the same thing? Don't lie, I see you buying 3/5 on this TQQQ chart:
https://preview.redd.it/9ks35zdla5151.png?width=915&format=png&auto=webp&s=2c90d08494c52a1b874575ee233624e61ac27620
Meanwhile, on 3/3, I answered the question "Where do you see this ending up at in the next couple weeks? I have 3/20s" with "under 30 imo".

Well good fucking job, because a week later on 3/11, TQQQ closed at $61, and it kept going.
Nomura: Market staring into the abyss
"The plunge in US equities yesterday (12 March) pushed weekly returns down to 7.7 standard deviations below the norm. In statistical science, the odds of a greater-than seven-sigma event of this kind are astronomical to the point of being comical (about one such event every 160 billion years).
Let's see what Stephen Mathai-Davis, CFA, CQF, WTF, BBQ, Founder and CEO of Q.ai - Investing Reimagined, a Forbes Company, and a major fucktard has to say at this point:

"Our AI models are telling us to buy SPY (the SPDR S&P500 ETF and a great proxy for US large-cap stocks) but since all models are based on past data, does it really make sense? "
"While it may or may not make sense to buy stocks, it definitely is a good time to sell “volatility.” And yes, you can do it in your brokerage account! Or, you can ask your personal finance advisor about it."
"So what is the takeaway? I don’t know if now is the right time to start buying stocks again but it sure looks like the probabilities are in your favor to say that we are not going to experience another 7 standard deviation move in U.S. Stocks. OTM (out-of-the-money) Put Spreads are a great way to get some bullish exposure to a rally in the SPY while also shorting such rich volatility levels."
Good job, fuckfaces. Y'all bought this one too, admit it. I see you buying on this chart:
https://preview.redd.it/s9344geza5151.png?width=915&format=png&auto=webp&s=ebaef4b1414d901e6dafe354206ba39eb03cb199
Well guess what, by 3/18, a week later, we did get another 5 standard deviation move. TQQQ bottomed on 3/18 at $32.73. Still think that was just luck, punk? You know how many sigmas that was? Over 12 god-damn sigmas. 12 standard deviations. I'd have a much better chance of guessing everyone's buttcoin private key, in a row, on the first try. That's how unlikely that is.
https://preview.redd.it/luz0s3kbb5151.png?width=587&format=png&auto=webp&s=7542973d56c42e13efd3502331ac6cc5aea42630
"Hurr durr you said it's going to 0, so you're retarded because it didn't go to 0" - random_wsb_autist
Yeah, fuckface, because the Fed bailed ‘em out. Remember the $150b “overnight repo” bazooka on 3/17? That’s what that was, a bailout. A bailout for shitty funds and market makers like Trump's handjob buddy Kenny Griffin from Citadel. Why do you think Jamie Dimon had a heart attack in early March? He saw all the dogshit that everyone put on his books.

https://preview.redd.it/8fqvt37ama151.png?width=3711&format=png&auto=webp&s=0b06ee5101685c5274c6641a62ee9eb1a2a3f3ee


Read:
https://dealbreaker.com/2020/01/griffin-no-show-at-white-house
https://www.cnbc.com/2020/03/11/bank-ceos-convene-in-washington-with-president-trump-on-coronavirus.html
https://www.proactiveinvestors.co.uk/companies/news/914736/market-makers--didn-t-show-up-for-work--macro-risk-ceo-says-914736.html
https://www.chicagobusiness.com/finance-banking/chicago-trading-firms-seek-more-capital
https://www.housingwire.com/articles/did-non-qm-just-disappear-from-the-market/
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-03-22/bruised-hedge-funds-ask-clients-for-fresh-cash-to-buy-the-dip
https://fin24.com/Markets/Bonds/rand-bonds-rally-after-reserve-bank-intervention-20200320

Yup, everyone got clapped on their stupidly leveraged derivatives books. It seems Citadel is “too big to fail”. On 3/18, the payout on 3/20 TQQQ puts alone if it went to 0 was $468m. And every single TQQQ put expiration would have had to be paid. Tens or hundreds of billions on TQQQ puts alone. I’d bet my ass Citadel was on the hook for a big chunk of those. And that’s just a drop in the bucket compared to all the other blown derivative trades out there.

https://preview.redd.it/9ww27p2qb5151.png?width=2485&format=png&auto=webp&s=78f24265f3ea08fdbb37a4325f15ad9b61b0c694
Y’all still did good, 3/20 closed at $35. That’s $161m/$468m payoff just there. I even called you the bottom on 3/17, when I saw that bailout:

"tinygiraffe21 1 point 2 months ago
Haha when? I’m loading up in 4/17 25 puts"
"dlkdev
Scratch that, helicopter money is here."
"AfgCric 1 point 2 months ago
What does that mean?"
"It means the Fed & Trump are printing trillions with no end in sight. If they go through with this, this was probably the bottom."

"hurr durr, it went lower on 3/18 so 3/17 wasn't the bottom" - random_wsb_autist
Idiot, I have no way of knowing that Billy boy Ackman was going to go on CNBC and cry like a little bitch to make everyone dump, so he can get out of his shorts. Just like I have no way of knowing when the Fed decides to do a bailout. But you react to that, when you see it.
Do you think "Oh no world's ending" and go sell everything? No, dumbass, you try to figure out what Billy's doing. And in this case it was pretty obvious, Billy saw the Fed train coming and wanted to close his shorts. So you give the dude a hand, quick short in and out, and position for Billy dumping his short bags.
Video of Billy & the Fed train

Here's what Billy boy says:
“But if they don’t, and the government takes the right steps, this hedge could be worth zero, and the stock market could go right back up to where it was. So we made the decision to exit.”
https://www.businessinsider.sg/bill-ackman-explains-coronavirus-trade-single-best-all-time-podcast-2020-5
Also, “the single best trade of all time.” my ass, it was only a 100-bagger. I gave y’all a 150-bagger.
So how could I catch that? Because it wasn't random, yo. And I'm here to teach your asses how to try to spot such potential moves. But first, the technical bootcamp.

Chapter III. Mouthbreather's bootcamp on managing a position – THE TECHNICALS

RULE 1. YOU NEVER BUY OPTIONS AT OPEN. You NEVER OVERPAY for an option. You never FOMO into buying too fast. You NEVER EVER NEVER pump the premium on a play.
I saw you fuckers buying over 4k TQQQ 5/22 $45 puts in the first minutes of trading. You pumped the premium to over $0.50 dudes. The play's never going to work if you do that, because you give the market maker free delta, and he's going to hedge that against you. Let me explain simply:

Let's say a put on ticker $X at strike $50 is worth $1, and a put at strike $51 is worth $2.
If you all fomo in at once into the same strike, the market maker algos will just pull the asks higher. If you overpay at $2 for the $50p, the market maker will just buy $51ps for $2 and sell you $50ps for 2$. Or he'll buy longer-dated $50ps and sell you shorter-dated $50ps. Max risk for him is now 0, max gain is $1. You just gave him free downside insurance, so of course he's going to start going long. And you just traded against yourself, congrats.

You need to get in with patience, especially if you see other autists here wanting to go in at the same time. Don't step on each other's toes. You put in an order, and you wait for it to fill for a couple of seconds. If it doesn't fill, AND the price of the option hasn't moved much recently, you can bump the bid $0.01. And you keep doing that a few times. Move your strikes, if needed. Only get a partial fill or don't get a fill at all? You cancel your bid. Don't fucking leave it hanging there, or you're going to put a floor on the price. Let the mm algos chill out and go again later.

RULE 2. WATCH THE TIME. Algos are especially active at x:00, x:02, x:08, x:12, x:30 and x:58. Try not to buy at those times.
RULE 3. YOU USE MULTIPLE BROKERS. Don't just roll with Robinhood, you're just gimping yourself. If you don't have another one, open up a tasty, IB, TD, Schwab, whatever. But for cheap faggy puts (or calls), Robinhood is the best. If you want to make a play for which the other side would think "That's free money!", Robinhood is the best. Because Citadel will snag that free money shit like no other. Seriously, if you don't have a RH account, open one. It's great for making meme plays.

RULE 4. YOU DON'T START A TRADE WITH BIG POSITIONS. Doesn't matter how big or small your bankroll is. If you go all-in, you're just gambling, and the odds are stacked against you. You need to have extra cash to manage your positions. Which leads to
RULE 5. MANAGING YOUR WINNERS: Your position going for you? Good job! Now POUND THAT SHIT! And again. Move your strikes to cheaper puts/calls, and pound again. And again. Snowball those gains.
RULE 6A. POUND THOSE $0.01 PUTS:
So you bought some puts and they’re going down? Well, the moment they reach $0.01, YOU POUND THOSE PUTS (assuming there’s enough time left on them, not shit expiring in 2h). $0.01 puts have amazing risk/return around the time they reach $0.01. This is not as valid for calls. Long explanation why, but the gist of it is this: you know how calls have unlimited upside while puts have limited upside? Well it’s the reverse of that.
RULE 6B. MANAGING YOUR LOSERS:
Your position going against you? Do you close the position, take your loss porn and post it on wsb? WRONG DUMBASS. You manage that by POUNDING THAT SHIT. Again and again. You don't manage losing positions by closing. That removes your gainz when the market turns around. You ever close a position, just to have it turn out it would have been a winner afterwards? Yeah, don't do that. You manage it by opening other positions. Got puts? Buy calls. Got calls? Buy puts. Turn positions into spreads. Buy spreads. Buy the VIX. Sell the VIX. They wanna pin for OPEX? Sell them options. Not enough bankroll to sell naked? Sell spreads. Make them fight you for your money, motherfuckers, don't just give it away for free. When you trade, YOU have the advantage of choosing when and where to engage. The market can only react. That's your edge, so USE IT! Like this:

Example 1:
Initial TQQQ 5/22 position = $5,000. Starts losing? You pound it.

https://preview.redd.it/gq938ty8e5151.png?width=944&format=png&auto=webp&s=734ab7ed517f0e6822bfaaed5765d1272de398d1
Total pounded in 5/22 TQQQ puts = $10,824. Unfortunately expired worthless (but also goes to show I'm not selling you puts, dickwads)
Then the autists show up:
"Hahaha you lost all your money nice job you fucking idiot why do you even live?" - cscqb4
Wrong fuckface. You see the max pain at SPX 2975 & OPEX pin coming? Sell them some calls or puts (or spreads).

https://preview.redd.it/7nv23fr41a151.jpg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=14a8879c975646ffbfe2942ca1982bfabfcf90df
Sold 9x5/20 SPX [email protected], bam +$6,390. Still wanna pin? Well have some 80x5/22 TQQQ $80cs, bam anotha +$14,700.

https://preview.redd.it/1iqtpmc71a151.jpg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=df9b954131b0877f4acc43038b4a5a4acf544237
+$21,090 - $10,824 = +$10,266 => Turned that shit into a +94.85% gain.

.cscqb4 rn

You have a downside position, but market going up or nowhere? You play that as well. At least make some money back, if not profit.

Example 2:

5/22, long weekend coming right? So you use your brain & try to predict what could happen over the 3-day weekend. Hmm, 3 day weekend, well you should expect either a shitty theta-burn or maybe the pajama traders will try to pooomp that shite on the low volume. Well make your play. I bet on the shitty theta burn, but could be the other, idk, so make a small play.

Sold some ES_F spreads (for those unaware, ES is a 50x multiplier, so 1 SPX = 2 ES = 10 SPY, approximately). -47x 2955/2960 bear call spreads for $2.5. Max gain is $2.5, max loss is 2960-2955 = $5. A double-or-nothing basically. That's $5,875 in premium, max loss = 2x premium = $11,750.
Well, today comes around and futures are pumping. Up to 3,014 now. Do you just roll over? You think I'm gonna sit and take it up the ass? Nah bros that's not how you trade, you fucking fight them. How?
I have:
47x 2960 calls
-47x 2955 calls

Pajama traders getting all up in my grill? Well then I buy back 1 of the 2955 calls. Did that shit yesterday when futures were a little over 2980, around 2982-ish. Paid $34.75, initially shorted at $16.95, so booked a -$892 loss, for now. But now what do I have?

46x 2955/2960 bear calls
1x 2960 long call

So the fuckers can pump it. In fact, the harder they pump it, the more I make. Each $2.5 move up in the futures covers the max loss for 1 spread. With SPX now at ~3015, that call is $55 ITM. Covers 24/46 contracts rn. If they wanna run it up, at 3070 it's break-even. Over that, it's profit. I'll sell them some bear call spreads over 3050 if they run it there too. They gonna dump it? well under 2960 it's profit time again. They wanna do a shitty pin at 3000 today? Well then I'll sell them some theta there.
Later edit: that was written yesterday. Got out with a loss of only $1.5k out of the max $5,875. Not bad.
And that, my dudes, is how you manage a position.

RULE 7 (ESPECIALLY FOR BEARS). YOU DON'T KEEP EXTRA CASH IN YOUR BROKER ACCOUNT. You don't do it with Robinhood, because it's a shitty dumpsterfire of a broker. But you don't do it with other brokers either. Pull that shit out. Preferably to a bank that doesn't play in the markets either, use a credit union or some shit. Why? Because you're giving the market free liquidity. Free margin loans. Squeeze that shit out, make them work for it. Your individual cash probably doesn't make a dent, but a million autists with an extra $1200 trumpbucks means $1.2b. That's starting to move the needle. You wanna make a play, use instant deposits. And that way you don't lose your shit when your crappy ass broker or bank gets its ass blown up on derivative trades. Even if it's FDIC or SIPC insured, it's gonna take time until you see that money again.


Chapter IV. BUSTING YOUR RETARDED MYTHS

MYTH 1 - STONKS ONLY GO UP

Do you think the market can go up forever? Do you think stOnKs oNLy Go uP because Fed brrr? Do you think SPX will be at 5000 by the end of the month? Do you think $1.5 trillion is a good entry point for stonks like AAPL or MSFT? Do you want to buy garbage like Hertz or American Airlines because it's cheap? Did you buy USO at the bottom and are now proud of yourself for making $2? Well, this section is for you!
Let's clear up the misconception that stonks only go up while Fed brrrs.

What's your target for the SPX top? Think 3500 by the end of the year? 3500 by September? 4000? 4500? 5000? Doesn't matter, you can plug in your own variables.

Let's say SPX only goes up, a moderate 0.5% each period as a compounded avg. (i.e. up a bit down a bit whatever, doesn't matter as long as at the end of your period, if you look back and do the math, you'll get that number). Let's call this variable BRRR = 0.005.

Can you do the basic math to calculate the value at the end of x periods? Or did you drop out in 5th grade? Doesn't matter if not, I'll teach you.


Let's say our period is one week. That is, SPX goes up on average 0.5% each week on Fed BRRR:
2950 * (1.005^x), where x is the number of periods (weeks in this case)

So, after 1 month, you have: 2950 * (1.005^4) = 3009
After 2 months: 2950 * (1.005^8) = 3070
End of the year? 2950 * (1.005^28) = 3392

Now clearly, we're already at 3015 on the futures, so we're moving way faster than that. More like at a speed of BRRR = 1%/wk

2950 * (1.01^4) = 3069
2950 * (1.01^8) = 3194
2950 * (1.01^28) = 3897


Better, but still slower than a lot of permabulls would expect. In fact, some legit fucks are seriously predicting SPX 4000-4500 by September. Like this dude, David Hunter, "Contrarian Macro Strategist w/40+ years on Wall Street". IDIOTIC.
https://twitter.com/DaveHcontrarian/status/1263066368414568448

That'd be 2950 * (BRRR^12) = 4000 => BRRR = 1.0257 and 2950 * (BRRR^12) = 4500 => BRRR = 1.0358, respectively.

Here's why that can't happen, no matter the amount of FED BRRR: Leverage. Compounded Leverage.

There's currently over $100b in leveraged etfs with a 2.5x avg. leverage. And that's just the ones I managed to tally, there's a lot of dogshit small ones on top of that. TQQQ alone is now at almost $6b in AUM (topped in Fed at a little over $7b).

Now, let's try to estimate what happens to TQQQ's AUM when BRRR = 1.0257. 3XBRRR = 1.0771. Take it at 3XBRRR = 1.07 to account for slippage in a medium-volatility environment and ignore the fact that the Nasdaq-100 would go up more than SPX anyway.

$6,000,000,000 * (1.07^4) = $7,864,776,060
$6,000,000,000 * (1.07^8) = $10,309,100,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.07^12) = $13,513,100,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.07^28) = $39,893,000,000.

What if BRRR = 1.0358? => 3XBRR = 1.1074. Take 3XBRRR = 1.10.
$6,000,000,000 * (1.1^4) = $8,784,600,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.1^8) = $12,861,500,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.1^12) = $18,830,600,000
$6,000,000,000 * (1.1^28) = $86,526,000,000

And this would have to get 3x leveraged every day. And this is just for TQQQ.

Let's do an estimation for all leveraged funds. $100b AUM, 2.5 avg. leverage factor, BRRR = 1.0257 => 2.5BRRR = 1.06425

$100b * (1.06^4) = $128.285b
$100b * (1.06^8) = $159.385b
$100b * (1.06^12) = $201.22b
$100b * (1.06^28) = $511.169b

That'd be $1.25 trillion sloshing around each day. And the market would have to lose each respective amount of cash into these leveraged funds. Think the market can do that? You can play around with your own variables. But understand that this is just a small part of the whole picture, many other factors go into this. It's a way to put a simple upper limit on an assumption, to check if it's reasonable.

In the long run, it doesn't matter if the Fed goes BRRR, if TQQQ takes in it's share of 3XBRRR. And the Fed can't go 3XBRRR, because then TQQQ would take in 9XBRRR. And on top of this, you have a whole pile of leveraged derivatives on top of these leveraged things. Watch (or rewatch) this: Selena Gomez & Richard H. Thaler Explaining Synthetic CDO through BLACKJACK

My general point, at the mouth-breather level, is that Fed BRRR cannot be infinite, because leverage.
And these leveraged ETFs are flawed instruments in the first place. It didn't matter when they started out. TQQQ and SQQQ started out at $8m each. For the banks providing the swaps, for the market providing the futures contracts, whatever counter-party to whatever instrument they would use, that was fine. Because it balanced out. When TQQQ made a million, SQQQ lost a million (minus a small spread, which was the bank's profit). Bank was happy, in the long run things would even out. Slippage and spreads and fees would make them money. But then something happened. Stonks only went up. And leveraged ETFs got bigger and more and more popular.
And so, TQQQ ended up being $6-7b, while SQQQ was at $1b. And the same goes for all the other ETFs. Long leveraged ETF AUM became disproportionate to short AUM. And it matters a whole fucking lot. Because if you think of the casino, TQQQ walks up every day and says "I'd like to put $18b on red", while SQQQ walks up and says "I'd only like to put $3b on black". And that, in turn, forces the banks providing the swaps to either eat shit with massive losses, or go out and hedge. Probably a mix of both. But it doesn't matter if the banks are hedged, someone else is on the other side of those hedges anyway. Someone's eating a loss. Can think of it as "The Market", in general, eating the loss. And there's only so much loss the market can eat before it craps itself.

If you were a time traveller, how much money do you think you could make by trading derivatives? Do you think you could make $20 trillion? You know the future prices after all... But no, you couldn't. There isn't enough money out there to pay you. So you'd move the markets by blowing them up. Call it the Time-travelling WSB Autist Paradox.

If you had a bucket with a hole in the bottom, even if you poured an infinite amount of water into it, it would never be full. Because there's a LIQUIDITY SINK, just like there is one in the markets.
And that, my mouth-breathing friends, is the reason why FED BRRR cannot be infinite. Or alternatively, "STONKS MUST GO BOTH UP AND DOWN".

MYTH 2 - YOU CAN'T TIME THE MARKET

On Jan 14, 2020, I predicted this: Assuming that corona doesn't become a problem, "AAPL: Jan 28 $328.3, Jan 31 $316.5, April 1 $365.7, May 1 $386, July 1 $429 December 31 $200."
Now take a look at the AAPL chart in January. After earnings AAPL peaked at $327.85. On 1/31, after the 1st hour of trading, when the big boys make moves, it was at $315.63. Closed 1/31 at $309.51. Ya think I pulled this one out of my ass too?
Yes you can time it. Flows, motherfucker, flows. Money flow moves everything. And these days, we have a whole lot of RETARDED FLOW. Can't even call it dumb flow, because it literally doesn't think. Stuff like:

  • ETF flows. If MSFT goes up and AAPL goes down, part of that flow is going to move from AAPL to MSFT. Even if MSFT flash-crashes up to $1000, the ETF will still "buy". Because it's passive.
  • Option settlement flows. Once options expire, money is going to flow from one side to another, and that my friends is accurately predictable from the data.
  • Index rebalancing flows
  • Buyback flows
  • 401k passive flows
  • Carry trade flows
  • Tax day flows
  • Flows of people front-running the flows

And many many others. Spot the flow, and you get an edge. How could I predict where AAPL would be after earnings within 50 cents and then reverse down to $316 2 days later? FLOWS MOTHERFUCKER FLOWS. The market was so quiet in that period, that is was possible to precisely figure out where it ended up. Why the dump after? Well, AAPL earnings (The 8-K) come out on a Wednesday. The next morning, after market opens the 10-Q comes out. And that 10-Q contains a very important nugget of information: the latest number of outstanding shares. But AAPL buybacks are regular as fuck. You can predict the outstanding shares before the market gets the 10-Q. And that gives you EDGE. Which leads to

MYTH 3 - BUYBACKS DON'T MATTER

Are you one of those mouthbreathers that parrots the phrase "buybacks are just a tax-efficient way to return capital to shareholders"? Well sit the fuck down, I have news for you. First bit of news, you're dumb as shit. Second bit:

On 1/28, AAPL's market cap is closing_price x free_float_outstanding_shares. But that's not the REAL MARKET CAP. Because the number of outstanding shares is OLD AS FUCK. When the latest number comes out, the market cap changes instantly. And ETFs start moving, and hedges start being changed, and so on.

"But ETFs won't change the number of shares they hold, they will still hold the same % of AAPL in the index" - random_wsb_autist

Oh my fucking god you're dumb as fuck. FLOWS change. And the next day, when TQQQ comes by and puts its massive $18b dong on the table, the market will hedge that differently. And THAT CAN BE PREDICTED. That's why AAPL was exactly at $316 1 hour after the market opened on 1/31.

So, what can you use to spot moves? Let me show you:
Market topped on 2/19. Here’s SPY. I even marked interesting dates for you with vertical lines.

https://preview.redd.it/7agm171eh5151.png?width=3713&format=png&auto=webp&s=d94b90dcd634c8dc688925585bf0a02c3299f71b
Nobody could have seen it coming, right? WRONG AGAIN. Here:

https://preview.redd.it/i1kdp3cgh5151.png?width=3713&format=png&auto=webp&s=7a1e086e9217846547efd3b6c5249f4a7ebe6d9e
In fact, JPYUSD gave you two whole days to see it. Those are NOT normal JPYUSD moves. But hey maybe it’s just a fluke? Wrong again.

https://preview.redd.it/fsyhenckh5151.png?width=3693&format=png&auto=webp&s=03200e10b008257ae15d40b474c4cf4d8c23670f
Forex showed you that all over the place. Why? FLOWS MOTHERFUCKER FLOWS. When everything moves like that, it means the market needs CASH. It doesn’t matter why, but remember people pulling cash out of ATMs all over the world? Companies drawing massive revolvers? Just understand what this flow means.
The reversal:
https://preview.redd.it/4xe97l0oh5151.png?width=1336&format=png&auto=webp&s=07aaa93f6b1d8f542101e40e431edccbc109918f
https://preview.redd.it/v6i0pdmoh5151.png?width=1338&format=png&auto=webp&s=74d5589961db2f978d4d582e6d7c58a85f6305f9
But it wasn’t just forex. Gold showed it to you as well. Bonds showed it to you as well.
https://preview.redd.it/40j53u8th5151.png?width=3711&format=png&auto=webp&s=fe39ab51321d0f98149d33e33253e69f96c48e23
Even god damn buttcoin showed it to you.
https://preview.redd.it/43lvafhvh5151.png?width=3705&format=png&auto=webp&s=1ef53283cbc0fb97f71c1ba935c0bd747809636e
And they all did it for 2 days before the move hit equities.

Chapter V. LIQUIDITY NUKE INBOUND
You see all these bankruptcies that happened so far, and all the ones that are going to follow? Do you think that’s just dogshit companies and it won’t have major effects on anything outside them? WRONG.
Because there’s a lot of leveraged instruments on top of those equities. When the stock goes to 0, all those outstanding puts across all expirations get instantly paid.
Understand that Feb-March was a liquidity MOAB. But this will end with a liquidity nuke.
Here’s just HTZ for example: $239,763,550 in outstanding puts. Just on a single dogshit small-cap company (this thing was like $400m mkt. cap last week).
And that’s just the options on the equity. There’s also instruments on etfs that hold HTZ, on the bonds, on the ETFs that hold their bonds, swaps, warrants, whatever. It’s a massive pile of leverage.
Then there’s also the ripple effects. Were you holding a lot of HTZ in your brokerage margin account? Well guess what big boi, when that gaps to 0 you get a margin call, and then you become a liquidity drain. Holding long calls? 0. Bonds 0. DOG SHIT!
And the market instantly goes from holding $x in assets (HTZ equity / bonds / calls) to holding many multiples of x in LIABILITIES (puts gone wrong, margin loans, derivatives books, revolvers, all that crap). And it doesn’t matter if the Fed buys crap like HTZ bonds. You short them some. Because when it hits 0, it’s no longer about supply and demand. You get paid full price, straight from Jerome’s printer. Is the Fed going to buy every blown up derivative too? Because that's what they'd have to do.
Think of liquidity as a car. The faster it goes, the harder it becomes to go even faster. At some point, you can only go faster by driving off a cliff. THE SQUEEZE. But you stop instantly when you hit the ground eventually. And that’s what shit’s doing all over the place right now.
Rewatch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hG4X5iTK8M
And just like that fucker, “I’m standing in front of a burning house, and I’m offering you fire insurance on it.”

Don’t baghold!
Now is not the time to baghold junk. Take your cash. Not the time to buy cheap crap. You don’t buy Hertz. You don’t buy USO. You don’t buy airlines, or cruises, or GE, or motherfucking Disney. And if you have it, dump that shit.
And the other dogshit that’s at ATH, congrats you’re in the green. Now you take your profits and fucking dump that shit. I’m talking shit like garbage SaaS, app shit, AI shit, etc. Garbage like MDB, OKTA, SNAP, TWLO, ZM, CHGG etc.
And you dump those garbage ass leveraged ETFs. SQQQ, TQQQ, whatever, they’re all dogshit now.
The leverage MUST unwind. And once that’s done, some of you will no longer be among us if you don’t listen. A lot of leveraged ETFs will be gone. Even some non-leveraged ETFs will be gone. Some brokers will be gone, some market makers will be gone, hell maybe even some big bank has to go under. I can’t know which ones will go poof, but I can guarantee you that some will. Another reason to diversify your shit. There’s a reason papa Warrant Buffet dumped his bags, don’t think you’re smarter than him. He may be senile, but he’s still a snake.
And once the unwind is done, THEN you buy whatever cheap dogshit’s still standing.
Got it? Good.
You feel ready to play yet? Alright, so you catch a move. Or I post a move and you wanna play it. You put on a small position. When it’s going your way, YOU POUND DAT SHIT. Still going? Well RUSH B CYKA BLYAT AND PLANT THE GOD DAMN 3/20 $30p BOMB.

Chapter VI - The mouthbreather-proof play - THE AKIMBO
Still a dumbass that can’t make a play? Still want to go long? Well then, I got a dumbass-proof trade for you. I present to you THE AKIMBO:

STEP 1. You play this full blast. You need some real Russian hardbass to get you in the right mood for trading, cyka.
STEP 2. Split your play money in 3. Remember to keep extra bankroll for POUNDING THAT SHIT.
STEP 3. Use 1/3 of your cash to buy SQQQ 9/18 $5p, pay $0.05. Not more than $0.10.
STEP 4. Use 1/3 of your cash to buy TQQQ 9/18 $20p, pay around $0.45. Alternatively, if you’re feeling adventurous, 7/17 $35p’s for around $0.5.
STEP 5. Use 1/3 of your cash to buy VIX PUT SPREADS 9/15 $21/$20 spread for around $0.15, no more than $0.25. That is, you BUY the 21p and SELL the 20p. Only using Robinhood and don’t have the VIX? What did I just tell you? Well fine, use UVXY then. Just make sure you don’t overpay.


Chapter VII - Quick hints for non-mouthbreathers
Quick tips, cuz apparently I'm out of space, there's a 40k character limit on reddit posts. Who knew?

  1. Proshares is dogshit. If you don't understand the point in my last post, do this: download https://accounts.profunds.com/etfdata/ByFund/SQQQ-historical_nav.csv and https://accounts.profunds.com/etfdata/ByFund/SQQQ-psdlyhld.csv. Easier to see than with TQQQ. AUM: 1,174,940,072. Add up the value of all the t-bills = 1,686,478,417.49 and "Net other assets / cash". It should equal the AUM, but you get 2,861,340,576. Why? Because that line should read: NET CASH = -$511,538,344.85
  2. Major index rebalancing June 22.
  3. Watch the violent forex moves.
  4. 6/25 will be red. Don't ask, play a spread, bag a 2x-er.
  5. 6/19 will be red.
  6. Not settled yet, but a good chance 5/28 is red.
  7. Front run the rebalance. Front-run the front-runners of the rebalance too. TQQQ puts.
  8. Major retard flow in financials yesterday. Downward pressure now. GS 180 next weeks looks good.
  9. Buy leaps puts on dogshit bond ETFs (check holdings for dogshit)
  10. Buy TLT 1/15/2021 $85ps for cheap, sell over $1 when the Fed stops the ass rape, rinse and repeat
  11. TQQQ flow looks good:
https://preview.redd.it/untvykuxea151.jpg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a0a38c0acb088ebff689d043e48466eb76d38e2f

Good luck. Dr. Retard TQQQ Burry out.
submitted by dlkdev to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

I Dated a Scammer for 5/6 Months - from August 2019 till January 2020 - [LONG]

So I don't have any other place to post this since the person in question has NO idea about my Reddit account, but one way or the other, this needs to come out because I have a right to tell my story and to spread awareness of people like this who live in this world. If you THINK you know this person, think again! After you finish reading this, you'll never look at them the same way again.
Let me set the stage first. It all started in 2019. I got out of a bad long-distance relationship with a trans female who wound up ghosting me for 12 months after that. Quick side-note, we wound up talking and worked things out to get closure (she dumped me). ANYWAYS, I was feeling so alone and so empty after not only being ghosted by that person but also from being stood up by another person where they made me waste a whole night waiting on them.
After getting fed up over the situation, I did as any sane person would do and go to the MeetMe app, as well as sift through Facebook Dating. It was then that I finally found someone, someone I went to high school with, in 10th grade, someone who went by the name of Krista. Krista was a girl who was interested in me, but at the time, I wasn't interested in her. It got to a point where she left my school because I kept turning her down. Up until last year, I felt bad for doing that to her, and you'll see why this is no longer the case - me not feeling bad about it.
This started in August. We started talking and wound up exchanging phone numbers to text because let's face it, who on earth would want to invest time into messaging for days on a dating app? It all started pretty normal, but not for long, as things start to get much, much weirder. It started when we were trying to make plans to meet. As I've already outlined above, I went to school with this person for a brief time, so I know they're real - or at least that's what I was hoping. The verdict is still out on that one, and likely will forever be the case. But anyways, making plans made me realize this was no simple task, and here's why. Spoiler alert, we never ended up meeting. Do you think that's the end of this twisted story? Oh man, there's SO much more we have to cover.
So, back to making the plans. Since she lived no more than 20 minutes away, I didn't see it as being much of an issue, but here's where the problems STARTED. Just so this isn't repetitive for you, let me summarize this in a nutshell. We would make plans (oftentimes the plans being she'd come to meet me at my house and we'd go from there), then for some reason, she would always take a long time to text me back. When she FINALLY did text me back after leaving me waiting for what felt like hours, she would claim that she had to go to the hospital for some arbitrary reason, whether it be: seizures, car accidents, or just about every excuse under the sun. In the end, my hopes would be let up, hours would be wasted, and we would never meet. Oh, you think I'm done yet? NOPE! I've got SEVERAL more paragraphs to go. This is only the tip of the iceberg!
Now, I know I haven't mentioned this yet, but there will be at least two names mentioned here - Krista, and Kira. Make a mental note of these, because they'll be important later on. One day, I would get a text from Krista, saying that she is low on iTunes credit to pay for her Music subscription, or to - and let's be honest here, waste money on games with micro-transactions. I decided to be a nice person and send her a $25 iTunes card via email. You would think that that would be the end of it right? RIGHT??? Wrong! This turned into a DAILY thing, where I would wake up to her asking for MORE and used the SAME excuses as before. I of course sent it, thinking her requests were genuine. This went on for quite some time until she claimed that her Apple ID was "hacked by her friend". This "friend" of hers, also went to my high school at the time, so I knew them quite well too, to a degree. Anyways, Krista claimed that she got her account back, so being a person that knows a LOT about security, I told her to enable 2FA ASAP so that it doesn't happen again.
That's enough about Krista for a bit. Let's move on to this "Kira" person for a brief moment, as this whole money thing also extends to them. I would get a text one evening from this Kira person, asking me if I could send them a....you guessed it! - an iTunes card to "surprise Krista" with, which was a $25 card. Mind you, I never gave this person my number, so this was only the beginning of the sketchiness of the situation. I initially told this person that I was extremely high on my credit card because of all the expenses (50% of them were from Krista constantly asking) but that I would be able to send it to them in a few days. It looked like they had agreed to the deal since they said they were okay with it. I woke up the next day to a text from the same person, asking me if I could send the card "now". But wait, didn't they agree to wait? I pointed this out to the person, and also pointed out how things just didn't line up very well with everything else.
Anyways, to get this person off my case, I sent them a $25 card, despite my fragile situation. Mind you, this whole time, Krista was "sleeping" and was "feeling sick" - this all took place the night after one of the failed meetups. This then escalated to Kira (who I'm convinced was Krista the whole time) asking for ACTUAL FUCKING MONEY via bank transfer. This meant that she was required to provide me with an email address to send the transfer - no banking info/routing info was needed. It started at $80 for "food" and even "promised" to bring Krista to me if I sent more - $100. To poke holes in this logic, I asked what would happen if I didn't meet the $100 threshold since it was implied that no $100=no Krista. The response I got implied that even if I did $80, she would "still bring Krista to me" so that honestly made no fucking sense, as you would have to give an incentive and double down on that to make such an incentive effective.
Anyways, I wound up sending the $80 - because I felt like there was no real incentive to go higher than that. Fast-forward into later in the evening, some texts were exchanged between me and this "Kira" person, where Kira was threatening me not to tell Krista anything about what was being said, and that Kira would be "very unhappy" if she found out I was telling Krista any of this. Krista was also texting me at the time and was "in the hospital" again because of a "fever". Her "cousin" Kira was also messaging me, asking for more money. I'm pretty sure I ducked out on this one since I gave statistical information, such as how much was on my credit card, how much money I had in my bank account, etc. She wasn't hearing ANY of it. She also called Krista mean names, like a "big fat cow" and talked about her in a way that no real cousin would ever talk about their family.
It was at this point when I had it with this Kira person and stopped responding to them for a while. I took the time to do a carrier lookup of their phone number, and sure enough, the results came back as a VoIP company that provides services to texting app companies (think of it like TextNow, TextPlus, etc). This person was using a FUCKING texting app to text me - which is why I said earlier that am convinced that this was Krista the whole time. I tried to confront Krista about this, and all Krista was able to tell me, was that her "cousin" was using that as her "main number" because they "couldn't pay for their phone bill". Seriously, what normal person uses a texting app for their main number? - not to mention the fact that texting app numbers are generally not for life, and that they get recycled and reused by other people.
Oh, but I didn't stop there, as I had done the same for Krista's number, but luckily it came back as an actual Canadian carrier, so there was some genuineness with this number, and that I had reason to believe that Krista was the one using a texting app to pose as another person.
The next day, Krista/Kira (from Krista's number) tried asking for more money, but I wound up standing my ground for once and saying no. It was at this point, that "Kira" said she was going home (Kira claimed to have been from the UK) so I would "never hear from her again" and I was like "good!" because I was done dealing with that bitch.
About a week passes by and I was told that Kira was put away for "trying to kill herself". And what do ya know, a few days later, Krista would then tell me that Kira "killed herself". But WAIT a fucking minute! How could Kira kill herself if she's been put away in a mental institution? Her "uncle" even confirmed it (this was coming from Krista's number too btw) This immediately confirmed that Krista was the one behind all of this.
A month passes by this time and it's October. There were more requests for money, each of which I denied. It got to a point where I had to blacklist Krista from asking for money for the next 3 months and made her verbally agree through texting, that she wouldn't attempt to break the ban, nor would she attempt to scam or extort me for money. This was going well for about 2 months until 25 days were remaining on her ban. Keep in mind, the whole time she would promise to pay me back after each transaction, but guess what? She NEVER did.
Fast-forward to about January (Christmas was a bust btw in case you haven't guessed) and I would wake up to see a text from her asking for - and you're gonna shit your pants, $200 for "surgery" at a hospital for a "brain tumour removal". I gave a friendly reminder that she was breaching the agreement by asking for, not only a LOT of money (more than her weekly and monthly limits combined) but also asking for it DURING her ban. I, of course, stood my ground and referred her to the different sections of the agreement (I'll probably put it at the end of this for those interested) that outlined how much she was allowed to ask for during any specific time, and that during her ban, she was NOT allowed to ask for more. She kept pushing and pushing, and. and I kept standing my ground.
When Krista didn't get what she wanted, she brought her "friend" into the situation (it was implied that Krista gave this friend her phone - but we all know what's going on) and tried to bribe me (also a breach of agreement) by saying they'll "pay me back" and "bring me my game". Side-note: Krista allegedly bought me LM3 for the Switch, so I was waiting since OCTOBER for the game. This friend, or should I sai Krista, also sent me sexually suggestive content to try to seduce me and give in to their "friend's" demands. I kept holding my ground and didn't even give two shits about what I was seeing in said content, because I was beyond pissed that this was happening again.
Anyways, to make a long story short, this "friend" of hers was trying to pay for surgery with CASH, and assumed that I would help, even though I kept saying that I wasn't willing to help for obvious reasons. Plus it wasn't like I had $200 just laying around. This person attempted to use guilt tactics on me, but they weren't working because I built up a defence against them after having been subjected to them from others. It was claimed that they were "taking the tumour out" but that they also couldn't proceed without payment. What????!!??? Two contradicting statements right here!
Anyways, after a day or two, I decided that enough was enough and that I was FUCKING DONE with this person. I sent them a text which read (and I still have it):
"Okay look, I’m not going to beat around the bush or sugarcoat things. Instead, I’m going to tell you how it honestly is from my point of view.
Over the past 6 months, I’ve been nothing but patient, and understanding to the best of my abilities. I’ve even tolerated the most unusual things, all because of the glimmer of hope you kept giving me about our meeting. Every time you cancelled or ghosted me, it was a stab in my heart and needless to say, it was torture for me. My mom hated to see me go through the same thing every single time.
I also feel like you took advantage of me. Asking me for iTunes cards daily, telling me they were all for emergencies, and then 4 months later, telling me it was all fake, made me not able to trust you as closely as I did. It was at that point that I wrote up an agreement, that you verbally agreed to.
Speaking of the agreement, I felt like ever since I put it into place, and restricted you for 90 days, that your communications with me had slowed. Starting, we used to talk for hours. Later on, it got to the point where I would only be so lucky to talk to you for only a 10th of that time, forcing me to wait all day (to be fair, I sleep for the majority of it) and all evening.
It feels as if the only reason you used to text me so much, is because I used to give you money of some kind, and that kept you coming back for more. As soon as I put restrictions on you, and the fact that you’ve been texting me less and less, is only further evidence to support my original theory, especially after you violated and attempted to work around the rules I had set out for you to follow.
I’ve talked to many friends about the scams I’ve been victimized in during the last 6 months and even described some of the events that have happened. A lot of people are feeling a little weary, stating that this isn’t how a normal and healthy relationship works. I’ve had my suspicions, such as me betting on you cancelling on me, even weeks before our scheduled dates, and I’m right 100% out of all those times.
What I want to tell you, is that I can’t keep going like this with you, and as unfortunate as this is for the both of us, I’m going to have to terminate this relationship. I haven’t been happy for over 4 months, and I’ve always made it a point not to hide that from you. I’ve noticed that the frequency of our fights have increased, and I feel like if we keep going, it’s only going to get worse over time.
As much as I love you - and believe me, I still do, this is just too painful for me to deal with. I know I made a promise, but realistically, I can’t keep it, not when this is going to destroy me on the inside.
All I’m going to say is if you want me back, come find me IN PERSON. I expect to still get what’s rightfully mine: the game you got me, the money you owe me, and whatever else you want. I’m sorry, but I honestly feel like it’s for the best. All these health problems and cancellations are taking an emotional toll on me, and I just don’t know if I can take it any longer. I’ve held out for as long as I could, but I’m afraid that, that time is nearly up."
She then came back and said that it was "all my fault" and that she "did nothing wrong". She then promptly told me to "delete her off of anything" - uh yeah sure, wipe away the evidence why don't ya! She also made an excuse that she was "scared" that she'd get hurt again while AGREEING to have a relationship with me. Like, bruh, if you weren't ready, you should've told me sooner, and not let this drag out for 5+ months.
I then broke off communication with her, until a month later when she messaged me on IG, asking for more money for "food" and that she "got her surgery" that she was too poor to pay for at the time.
I, of course, kept holding my ground and not giving in. At this point, things were pretty much over as far as trying to talk sense into this person. It was then that I made a Facebook page to expose her by uploading all kinds of screenshots and videos about her. She caught wind of this, and threatened to charge me for "harassment". She claimed to have talked to the police AFTER I did what she asked of me - because she threatened to do it if I didn't. So I feel like this is the only safe place I can post this and hopefully get some recognition for my trouble. I'll be attaching the agreement, for proof of everything talked about here. I'm sorry this was such a long read, and honestly, it took over 2 hours to write this, but I feel like this NEEDS to be out there so that others don't fall victim to these types of scams. Now for the agreement:
"Agreement Between [my real name] & [scammer's name]
Please READ the following Agreement carefully. The term “AGREEMENT” will reference this entire document as a whole. The term “BOYFRIEND” will make reference to [me]. The term GIRLFRIEND will make reference to [scammer].
TERMS & CONDITIONS
These terms and conditions will be effective upon being agreed to. Below are the Terms & Conditions of this Agreement. Any breach of these Terms & Conditions may result in Termination. (please see TERMINATION section)
SECTION 1 - Sending Money to Boyfriend
Sending money to Boyfriend is optional and is often not required, unless otherwise stated outside of the Agreement. For example, if an outstanding amount is owed to Boyfriend, then Girlfriend must pay Boyfriend back to avoid a breach of this Agreement. Boyfriend will not ask, beg, bribe, guilt, manipulate or extort money from Girlfriend for any reason. It is Boyfriend’s responsibility to manage their finances.
SECTION 2 - Receiving Money From Boyfriend
Girlfriend may request under the following conditions. These conditions also extend to any friends, family or acquaintances.a) Transactions are NOT guaranteed 100%b) Girlfriend must not ask constantly, beg, bribe, guilt, manipulate or extort money from Boyfriend for any reason. It is Girlfriend’s responsibility to manage their financesc) Girlfriend may request money within the following amounts below:- No more than $50 per week- No more than $100 per monthIt is advised that Girlfriend stays within these limits to avoid breach of this Agreement.
SECTION 3 - Fraud Prevention
This Section of the Agreement is effective as of October 31, 2019. Either party will not participate in scams or other fraudulent activities, or involve other parties outside of this Agreement. For example, Boyfriend will not scam or extort money from Girlfriend, nor will Boyfriend be permitted to use an outside party. Breach of this section will result in immediate Termination of this Agreement.
SECTION 4 - Termination
This Agreement is subject to Termination at any time from either Boyfriend or Girlfriend if breach of any part of this Agreement or Contract occurs. Termination of this Agreement may include restrictions on asking either party for money for a set length of time. The length of time is determined at the sole discretion of the party member initiating the Termination. For example, Boyfriend initiates Termination. It is up to Boyfriend what restrictions to apply, and for how long. Optionally, either party may impose an “Appeal Date” (see Appeals section for more info) in which the party being restricted can appeal on that date. Otherwise, the restricted party must wait out the number of days until said restriction is lifted.
SECTION 5 - Appeals
Appeals may be offered at the discretion of the party member in this Agreement who initiates the Termination. The restricted will not appeal before the Appeal Date. Appeals before the Appeal Date will be automatically denied.
SECTION 6 - Changes to Agreement
Boyfriend or Girlfriend may adjust any terms of this Agreement at any time. Doing so will require a THIRTY (30) day Notice to the other party in this Agreement. The changes to the Agreement will not be effective until the Notice period has passed. For example, Boyfriend proposes a change in Section 2 on November 12, 2019. Section 2’s changes will not be relevant until December 12, 2019, and therefore can not be used or enforced until such time.
By replying with “I agree to these terms”, you are agreeing to this Contract as well as the Terms & Conditions, and that this Agreement will be effective immediately. You also agree that the terms of this agreement may be changed at any point with proper Notice."

I realize that the above agreement was poorly thrown together and that this was not run by a lawyer, but I needed something to keep this scammer at bay for a few months and test their loyalties when it came to what they cared more about - me or money.
Anyways, that's all I have to say about this. Because of this experience, I'll never be able to trust anyone ever again, and I now have PTSD because of this. If you're Krista and you're reading this, go fuck yourself. For everyone else, I thank you for taking the time for reading through this. I realize how much of an idiot I was, and I am very disappointed in myself for not only letting this go on for the length of time that it did, but that I would even send money to someone I haven't met in person. It's safe to say that going forward, I will be much more strict and far less forgiving since I'm DONE with taking people's shit. Yes, I've blocked this person on everything I've ever talked with them on, and yes, I still have all her info and every shred of evidence on her if it's required in the future.
Anyways, I wanted to post this to not only tell my story but to spread awareness on this sub that there are psychopaths out there like Krista. Thanks again for reading, I really appreciate it.
submitted by therealbeanjr to Scams [link] [comments]

Chance a rising senior for UPenn CAS ED

Background Info
Stats
ACT - Perfect. 36 composite, with all four subscores at 36. 9/12 on the essay. No retakes or superscores - this was in one sitting and on my first test (fall of junior year). Proof
SAT Subject Tests (not that they really matter anymore):
APs: Chemistry (5), Calculus AB (5)
Overall GPA: 93.76 weighted - my school only reports weighted GPA on a 100 scale. I've seen various different conversions, so I'm just going to leave the raw number here.
I have a pretty decent upward trend; most of my bad grades are localized entirely to 9th grade (89.29 grade 9 -> 95.43 grade 10 -> 96.57 grade 11). I was pretty dumb in 9th grade, but I do have extenuating circumstances (medical) to explain that.
Full Schedules:
ECs/Activities (some info is very general for my own privacy)
Awards
Other
Anyway, let me know what you guys think. Personally, I feel like I have a better-than-average shot, but be brutally honest.
submitted by LBP_2310 to chanceme [link] [comments]

Here are all positions commented in the last 24 hours

CALLS

ALLY 3/20 30c
AMD 4/17 $43c
BA 250c 6/1
BA 4/9 $146c
BA 4/9 150c
COCK 420c 5/1
GME 50c 5/20
HAL 8c 6/19
MSFT 200c 3/20
MSFT 200c 3/20
MSFT 200c 4/17
MSFT 3/20 200c
MSFT 3/20 200c
MSFT 4/17 200c
SPY $253c 4/6
SPY $270c 4/17
SPY 05/15 350c
SPY 250c 4/6
SPY 270c 5/15
SPY 300c 4/9
SPY 300c 4/9
SPY 4/17 265c
SPY 4/17 415c
SPY 4/19 250c
SPY 4/9 $260c
SPY 420c 4/20
SPY 5/1 320c
SPY 6/19 $420c
TSLA 1000c 5/17
USO 6c 4/17
USO 9c 4/17
USO 9c 4/17
W 60c 4/9

PUTS

BAC 20p 4/9
BYND 57p 4/17
GLD 145p 4/9
HYG 72p 4/17
INDA 6/19 22p
IWM 108p 5/15
SPY $170p 9/18
SPY $175p 5/15
SPY $180p 09/18
SPY $180p 4/9
SPY $210p 5/15
SPY $220p 4/9
SPY $251p 4/9
SPY 170p 5/1
SPY 180p 5/15
SPY 180p 7/17
SPY 200p 4/17
SPY 200p 4/17
SPY 200p 4/17
SPY 200p 4/17
SPY 200p 4/9
SPY 220p 4/17
SPY 220p 4/17
SPY 229p 4/17
SPY 230p 5/15
SPY 240p 05/15
SPY 240p 4/17
SPY 252p 4/6
SPY 257p 5/22
SPY 259p 6/19
SPY 260p 5/15
SPY 4/17 $262p
SPY 4/17 195p
SPY 4/17 200p
SPY 4/17 220p
SPY 4/17 230p
SPY 4/17 240p
SPY 5/8 250p
SPY 6/19 $235p
SPY 9/30 220p
UCO $1p 5/15
and since im unable to capture all positions, heres some comments that might have plays in them:
6/17 200p 5/1 5/1 50/50 4/5 MM 6/19 4/9 4/22 PM 2/3 4/15 4/17 4/17 AT UF 4/10 9/11 COVID 17/4 NHS 4/20 LV 5/15 5/1 5/1 HYG 1/15 3/20 4/17 4/17 3/20 3/20 4/17 4/24 4/17 ETS 23407c 5/7 3c 20c US SPXS 4/8 BP 4/17 4/8 4/17 $ROPE QR TLT LEAPS EZ NO 4/17 SPY VIX 4/17 JS QE 7/17 4/9 IQ ES RCL 4/8 6/19 4/17 NOX XYZ 3/31 DBZ TQQQ 4/8 5/15 4/17 6/18 5/4 5/15 05/15 230p 135p 230p 200p 232p 4/09 6/19 4/17 5/15 3/20 CV ALL 4/17 6/19 5/1 3/15 1/15 1/15 7/17 50/50 4/17 OLAY 4/17 4/9 SPY 1/3 5/15 2/2 FED 8c 1/5 WHO MMT TT 1/3 DV UNEMP 6/19 4/3 4/24 OP 05/15 3/16 DD 4/17 4/13 1/10 SAVIN DD GDP CNBC 4/20 OPEN US 4/17 5/1 4/17 3/23 GPC DA 50/50 04/09 US 4/17 4/17 4/6 UN 3/20 3/20 MM 4/9 28C COVID 4/9 4/23 5/15 5/1 04/27 5/1 5/1 5/1 NSA 4/17 1/5 YOLO ZIRG 4/17 4/17 4/9 DT EDE BRRRR 51/50 GA 4/6 3/4 9c NF TP 17c 4/20 4/20 3/10 9/11 US 4/10 4/13 LOGM 4/17 COVID WSB EVERY 4/7 WE 4/17 4/17 CCP 5/15 4/17 4/17 24/7 US LPT TV 4/17 CLBTD 4/17 5/1 SPY GC JPM USD XTL RT 4/17 CNBC SBA REIT 50/50 VJ XZ NA 9/11 5/15 HEHE 10p NYC 4/17 9/11 IMF 0c 4/17 TN TIRED GDP JP 5/15 RH 5/15 4/9 BUT 4/6 7C MM 3c 4/17 4/17 5/15 SAUDI 6/21 NYC BREAK 4/17 TUNNE 4/13 4/17 0c 5/15 BRITI 4/8 CNBC 5/15 SPY WSBG BREAK SPY 5/1 4/17 4/20 5/15 6/1 4/17 4/17 4/6 04/17 SPY SPY USD UR 4/6 ICU 0p 4/9 NYC BULL 5/15 4/9 4/17 5/1 4/6 4/24 4/9 5/1 4/17 06/19 DD US 6c 4/17 BAHAH 5/1 4/6 3/31 70/30 10/16 4/20 RETAR 9/11 30p HTF 4/17 4/17 4/9 3/20 YOLO 4/09 4/17 4/17 MO 4/24 4/17 NFLX NY 4/17 2c US 70770p WSJ 17p 04/09 4/17 04/24 4/17 SPY 4/17 49/50 4/24 9/11 5/15 BS 260p 4/9 PM 4/9 4/8 5/15 OHD NYC 4/6 US 9/11 ICU 30p 4/9 NYC 4/8 255p NYC 4/17 ICU ICU OM 4/17 UK 5/8 50/50
Edit: source code: http://www.github.com/BlueOink/wsbfeels
submitted by MalOuija to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

The Ultimate Console Repair Guide

Even though i posted this before. I thought i share this again for those that need help with repairs. If anyone wants to share any more tips comment below.
Hi i thought i share some tips for the systems i have repaired. You may need to have good soldering skills depending on the fault of your system. More info on soldering is here: https://www.reddit.com/consolerepaicomments/dt5tn5/soldering_tips_everyone_needs_to_know/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Console 5 is a great website for parts console5.comWeb result with site linksConsole5.com
Here is some info on the common faults on some consoles aswell as their fixes. Also whilst your taking apart your system clean the system with a soft brush and isopropyl alcohol and always make sure to check if the capacitors are bad. Capacitors can leak over time and it's best to replace them before they do. Console 5 sells capacitor kits for all sort systems plus they’re high quality genuine capacitors from companies like Nichicon and Panasonic. Can save you a lot of time and hassle.
List of consoles
Xbox 360 1st model. Has the infamous Red Ring of Death ( The cause of this is the Motherboard slightly flexing messing up the connections underneath the Processors. and reballing would Fix this, sometimes the GPU is dead. Or you can use your heatgun and use higher quality thermal paste. Also increasing the fan speed with a fan accelerator and or upgrading the fan could prevent this from happenning.
Phat PS3 Yellow Light of Death (NEC Caps would fail Replacing it with 470uf Tantalum Caps for Phat model and 330uf for PS3 Slim. The best orientation would be to scrape away some of the pcb paint to create another rail. This should simply ways of installing the caps. https://www.psx-place.com › threadsWeb resultsPS3 - Tutorial - NEC/TOKIN Capacitors Replacement - YLOD ...
PS4 Blue Light of Death BLOD Can be repaired via a reball if the chip isn’t dead. Any any drive issues if the laser mechanism doesn’t work then open it up and see if any gears are loose. If it doesn’t turn on at all you may have a dead fuse on the BlueRay drive board. The board cannot be replaced replacing the fuses or the entire system is your only option as of yet. PreviewPreview46:56PlayStation 4 BD-ROM No Disc Feed - Full Fault Diagnosis and ...YouTube · Andrew Paul28 Feb 2017
Wii the only issue i can think of is the laser failing, but i did have an issue with the original PSU where the 2R2Y power inductor was blown.
Wii U GamePad’s U18 Charge IC tends to fail. If your Gamepad doesn’t turn on even with a new battery and a different charger then this chip may have failed. More info is in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFxCesFJ8ms. The chip says SN1010007 and it can be bought from AliExpress, eBay, Texas Instruments or this site https://thesavepoint.co.uk/product/nintendo-wii-u-gamepad-power-charging-ic-u18
Dreamcast Random Resets and Disc Read Issues (Grease the rails, replacing or cleaning with isopropyl alcohol/adjusting the laser would fix the laser and thickening the PSU legs with solder i recommend replacing the psu with a Pico PSU. As for lasers earlier model Dreamcast’s use a more rounded shaped laser SPU3200 and the later models use a more square shaped laser R48G). If controller ports don’t work replace the fuse on the controller pcb you can upgrade it to a fuse that resets.
PS2 Disk Read Error (Replace the old laser with a new laser or cleaning/adjusting the old laser would fix it) If you have other issues like no video check the continuity of the fuses with a multimeter. If it beeps it works if not it’s dead and can probably be replaced with a resettable fuse. https://www.ps2-home.com › forumWeb results[TUTORIAL] [PS2 HARDWARE] Map of the Various PS2 Fuse ...
Original Xbox Error codes, FRAG, not reading disc, leaking clock capacitor, failed caps,Trace Corrosion (Most error codes can be bypassed with a TSOP or a modchip install. Any issues with the laser. Clean with isopropyl alcohol, grease the rails, adjust or replace the laser Samsung Disc drives tend to be the most reliable you either have a Samsung, Philips, Hitachi or a Thomson disc drive the model number is going to be written somewhere on the DVD Drive examples of lasers you may have in your Xbox SOH-D16, SOH-D12, SPU-3141, as for clock capacitor remove it . If it leaks causing a Frag it depends where the leak has spread and what traces are damaged clean the motherboard and or fix the damaged traces. The best course of action on the earlier model Xboxes 1.0 to 1.5 before the 1,6 models aka known as models produced before 2004 is to remove the clock capacitor as soon as possible before it leaks onto the motherboard. To repair trace corrosion. Which is when your Xbox automatically turns when plugged in on or the eject/ power button doesn’t work, is to rewire the power button and or the eject button sometimes you can be lucky and cleaning the motherboard with isopropyl alcohol can fix this.) A FRAG is the worst of them all it can many things bad chip, bad modchip install, bad capacitors anything really. It’s the one error you do not want to have. If you do try to find what caused it. May just be a dead capacitor somewhere on the board.
Original Xbox Repair guide http://adriancallaghan.co.uk/wp-content/downloads/Guides/XBOX_REPAIR_GUIDE.pdf
Xbox Trace Corrosion Repair https://www.ogxbox.com/forums/index.php?/topic/29-how-to-fix-trace-corrosion/
NES Blinking Light (Replacing the 72 pin or boil the original pin connector and bending the pins or replacing it with the Blinking Light Win from Arcade Works should permanently fix the blinking light issue) another issue can be a dead 7805 voltage regulator or a dead capacitors.
Blinking Light Win NES https://www.arcadeworks.net/blw
Sega MegaDrive/ Genesis No Power (Reflow the DC Port i suggest using high quality leaded solder 6337 from a reputable brand. To maintain a stronger connection) sometimes the 7805 can fail.
PS1 Laser Failure (Adjust the pot, clean the laser and grease the rails if they aren't damaged. If they are replace the laser. If you have an early model PS1 the hot PSU is to blame for the laser failing and if you can. I suggest replacing it with a Pico PSU or buy a later model PS1 or a PSOne laser which is more heat resistant). If your disc doesn't spin even with a pot adjustment or a new laser. Then the either the transistor BV3,4,5 is dead or it’s the drive chip that tells the PS1 to spin the discs has failed and will need replacing. The chip is called BA6392FP or earlier models and BA5977FP but i would always check the fuse PS606, or the transistoIC601 . Most CD/DVD based consoles have similar kinds of chips like the Sega Saturn which also give off the same faults. You will need a rework station to desolder the bad chip. If you get bad audio reflow the audio chip with good quality solder. PSXDEVPS1 Sound Trouble - PlayStation Development Network Controlle memory card ports not working replace the controller fuse PS605 on the motherboard. A black screen and or no response from the laser can also indicate a dead fuse check all the PS60X fuses, check the BVX transistor, IC601 regulator. The also be a dead PSU but usually it wouldn’t power. More technical info can be found on this service manual below. http://www.elisanet.fi/6581/PSX/doc/The_ultimate_Playstation_service_manual.pdf
PS1 Schematics: https://console5.com/wiki/Playstation
GameBoy Vertical Lines (Reflow the lcd screen ribbon) or replace the screen. More info here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4osON9egOI If your Gameboy is freezing randomly or not powering on. There could be some blown fuses somewhere or you can buy a new power board from RetroSix. It’s more power efficient, higher quality, more reliable and the speaker will sound cleaner. https://retrosix.co.uk/CleanPower-Regulator-Board-for-Game-Boy-Original-DMG-p141361110
GameBoy Advance/ SP model no power (Replace the F1/F2 fuse) whilst your at it replace the screen with an IPS backlit screen. It will look much better.
DS Black Screen (Replace F1/F2 fuse). Doesn’t read games check the cart slot and if it’s damaged use Chip Quik to desolder the cart slot. Make sure to line up the new cart with the case before soldering it in. Sometimes the P6 connector can break. Replacements can be bought online.
PSP/PSP Go Black Screen replace the fuses on the motherboard don’t know what they’re called or where exactly here is the info: www.acidmods.com › ... › PSP GoWeb resultsPSP GO fuse locations. - Acidmods.com
PSP. I encountered issues with my 1000 model PSP. What i learned was if there is any sort of damage to the WiFi board the PSP will not turn on replacing it will fix this issue, and if you are also one of these people that may have damaged the WiFi/Memory Card board. Perhaps it has water damge i recommend cleaning it with IPA and go over the solder. If it doesn’t fix it then replace it. Make sure to match the number for example MS-329, MS-299 otherwise you will get no sound. Any UMD clean/tweak the laser issue or replace the drive and make sure to screw it in from the outside iFixit should be useful for any tear downs. Also press the lever to test the laser to see if it turns on then your good. But if it doesn’t turn on with the disc in, then there is an issue with the tray. The metal tray has two prong make sure to bend them out a bit so that the tray can reach the lever.
Sega GameGear Black Screen/No Sound (Replace the caps with high quality caps like Nichicon and Panasonic caps. No power? replace the Q3 transistor on the power board with a 2SB1301 and clean the motherboard with isopropyl alcohol. Faulty screen Benn Venn, MCWILL, Chinese Suppliers sell modern replacement LCD’s for the Game Gear and the Lynx they make a huge difference in battery life, cooling and picture quality. If you want to save money you can replace the power hungry backlight bulb with an led backlight such as one from a DS Lite screen this would also increase battery life drastically and reduce heat.
Sega Saturn not reading discs/ black screen (Clean the laser with ipa, grease the rails with WD40. If the disc doesn’t move at all even with a new laser. Then replace the cd controller chip on the cd drive board. BA6798S chip you’ll have to desolder that and replace it. Sega Saturn uses an Optima 6S laser. As of current they are readily available and cheap i recommend buying an extra one in case the other one fails. To fix the black screen issue. I suggest replacing the PSU you can change it out for a Pico PSU. If you have a blown psu on your import Saturn replace the varistor and the fuse.
PC Engine/TurboDou i suggest replacing the caps any issues with reading discs adjust/clean the laser or replace it with a new HOP-M3 Laser.
Atari 5200 Controller not working (Replace the flex circuit or use a 3rd party controller if there are any. There is also an AV and power mod for the 5200. 11:13Atari 5200 Video and Power Mod -- Ditch the Switchbox!YouTube · This Does Not Compute31 Jan 2020
Atari Jaguar No power (Replace the U38 and Reg1 Chips i can’t remember what causes this issue but i think it is to do with using the wrong PSU Plug. There is also a mod to fix this issue from it happening again.
CD Era consoles 3DO, Sega CD, Amiga CD32, Atari Jaguar CD, Neo Geo CD it is most likely going to be a bad Capacitor, CD rails, LaseCD Drive chip issues.
If you want to save money search the models of the lasers to avoid resellers (Example Neo Geo CD Front LoadeSega Mega CD uses a KSS240 (A) Laser, Top loader Neo Geo CD uses a H8147AF Laser, Neo Geo CDZ uses a H8151AF laser, Sega CDX/MultiMega Consoles use a Sanyo SF-C93 laser, 3DO uses GDO101M, Amiga CD 32 uses either a KSS-210A or a KSS-210B)
Panasonic GameCube teardown/ PSX DVR harddrive failure If the PSX DVR has this fault then i’m afraid i can’t help you much. If somebody knows a way replace the HDD comment below. Prevention as of yet is your best bet. Just use FreeMcboot.
submitted by iVirtualZero to consolerepair [link] [comments]

A moron's thesis on the market impact of COVID-19 and why you might want to come out of the bear closet you're hiding in

A moron's thesis on the market impact of COVID-19 and why you might want to come out of the bear closet you're hiding in
Edit: TLDR this shit is about to escalate. Buy puts.
Edit 3: I'm just a dude on the internet people, not a fucking swami or professional. I have no clue what you should do with your positions.
I've seen too fucking much speculation lately on just how bad this COVID-19 shit is. Some say its the sniffles. Other say its the start to World War Z. More specifically I've seen this referenced as the next big "Black Swan" event because this sub is a bunch of fucking amateurs (myself included) and they just regurgitate whatever bullshit movie or book they read and used to self-proclaim themselves the next Michael Burry (see what I just did there? I'm speaking your language).

I've read my fair share of shit too assholes. The Big Short, Liars Poker, Flash Boys, Chaos Monkeys, Zero To One, the new /WallStreetBets book (which doesn't come in a fucking hardcover and looks like a fucking disgrace in my library). What I have come to realize is there is no fucking science to stocks. [Yes there is, you claim. Stonks only go up. Science duh].

However there is science to a virus works and how a pandemic spreads. So I've thrown together some half-assed research that you can disregard at your pleasure. This includes charts that we are all so fond of reading. Full disclosure, I am not a biologist, doctor, or any expert in the field of virology. I just did some internet readings and used that data to apply my own logic. Undoubtedly there are errors in what lies ahead. Let's begin.

COVID-19 Coronavirus is caused by SARS-CoV-2, a incestuous relative of our old friend SARS (we'll get to him shorty). Depending on what you believe this has been caused by some starving Chinese peasants seasoning their soup with bats or the result of a Chinese bioweapon escaping its lab. Long story short its the flu that really fucks you up.
This isn't the first virus we've seen rapidly rise to fame. We've got a few historical examples we can look to for comparison.

1) 1918 H1N1 aka Spanish Flu
The big bad granddaddy of them all, this is the shit doomsdayers point to when they want to really incite some fear. Firs appearing in January of 1918, this fucker infected almost 500 million and killed anywhere between 40 million to 100 million. ~28% of the United States was infected with a 2%-3% case-fatality ratio.

2) 1956-1958 H2N2 Influenza A aka Asian Flu
A bad nickname since most of these could be called Asian Flu. This gets the crown since it was first. Originating in our dear friend China, this spread to Singapore by February of 1957, Hong Kong by April, and the US by June. 69800 deaths in the US with 1-4 million worldwide (WHO estimates 2 million).

3) 1968-1969 H3N2 Influenza A aka Hong Kong Flu
Arriving on the scene July 13th, 1968, this hit Vietnam and Singapore by the end of July and was widespread in the US by December of 1968. Case-fatality ratio of 0.5%, it killed 33800 people in the US alone.

4) 2002-2003 SARS
Probably the last real panic over an Asian virus, this was declared in November 27th of 2002. There apparently still is no cure. That said, only 8098 cases with 774 deaths occurred (however that is a fatality rate of 9.6%). There were only 27 US cases.

5) 2009 H1N1/09 variation aka Swine Flu
What looked to be the sequel to SARS but really was just a lame prequel, this had a case-fatality of 0.01%-0.08%. WHO statistics as of July 2010 attributed 18000 deaths to the virus, but later revisions estimate somewhere around 284,500 deaths.

All of these have led to COVID-19 and speculation is rampant as to it's impact on the globe. More specifically for the retards here, it's impact on their portfolios.

Unfortunately we don't have a ton of good data on how any of these affected markets. For starters, the stock market today is quite different from 20 years ago, and the global economy is much more entangled. News travels faster, and we have a way of sensationalizing everything. We can look at the markets during each of the aforementioned virus' (minus the 1918 Spanish Flu. If this happens there won't be a stock market).
The most recent two virus', H1N1/09 and SARS, both have unusable market data. Why? Because when both virus' struck, we had just popped two of the largest bubbles in history. H1N1/09 struck in March of 2009, right in the midst of the Great Recession. The market had already bottomed, the Feds were writing blank checks, and the economy was already in triage. SARS came to fruition in November of 2002, one month after the NASDAQ hit bottom from the DotCom bubble. What impact these virus' had on the world market is tainted by the preexisting financial landslides.
In January of 1957 the S&P 500 was valued around ~418 (inflation adjusted). When the virus hit the US in June, the S&P 500 was actual up to ~434.86. By December of 1957 the index value was 363.23 points.
I feel however, that the 1968 Hong Kong Flu is our best comparison to COVID-19 and any impact the virus could have on the overall market. Just look at these numbers.

S&P 500 (inflation adjusted)
July 1968 722.49 (virus reaches Singapore and Vietnam)
December 1968 754.75 (widespread in the United States)
February 1969 707.12
August 1969 665.90
June 1970 483.52

H3N2 struck a year before the Recession of 1969-1970, a recession that ended the third longest period of economic expansion in US History. According to Wikipedia:
"At the end of the expansion inflation was rising, possibly a result of increased deficit spending during a period of full employment. This relatively mild recession coincided with an attempt to start closing the budget deficits of the Vietnam War (fiscal tightening) and the Federal Reserve raising interest rates (monetary tightening).[2] During this relatively mild recession, the Gross Domestic Product of the United States fell 0.6 percent. Though the recession ended in November 1970, the unemployment rate did not peak until the next month. In December 1970, the rate reached its height for the cycle of 6.1 percent."
However I would once again argue this is a poor example, as the market didn't seem to rock much during the actual outbreak, and some of the surrounding factors of the recession were different than those of today.
So what does this mean? In my opinion we are facing a somewhat unknown scenario. Markets don't like unknowns. And there is a lot of fear being tossed around regarding this virus. Markets don't like fear either. So is this unknown fear worth panicking about?

Let's look a pair of charts. Some really unhappy charts.
This first one graphs all the cases of COVID-19 since its inception on December 31st, 2019, the day China contacted WHO and let them know shit was about to get fucked.

https://preview.redd.it/sd9u8lu40gj41.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=72b0923a47fb0c2c19336440d8e86486c1c45341
For the first month of that chart, you don't really see much. Then you see one really big fucking line go parabolic in a hurry, and more recently a bunch of little tiny lines that don't seem to be doing anything. That first line is the number of total COVID-19 cases, dominated by primarily China (>95%). China has had a runaway explosion of cases that *tentatively* seems to be slowing down. Already the panic from this has caused our recent markets to approach/enter correction territory in the matter of a week.

Now lets go zoom in on those tiny lines:

https://preview.redd.it/09ubl9360gj41.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=7529cf1eaedf0c4a4019c3e19da0515ce5fe9f97
Holy shit, they are fucking going parabolic too. After a rough incubation period of about a month, we start seeing an explosion of cases in infected countries. South Korea has especially been taking it through the teeth. These are fucking exponential jumps. If these were stocks, they'd be memed to death already. If you were investing in virus outbreaks in countries, you can bet your fucking ass most of this sub would be buying calls on every fucking one of these nations with new cases.

So lets see, we have an economy that is nonsensical, in a trade war with a nation who is ground zero for a sweeping health crisis. We have recession indicators blowing up everywhere, fucking Twitch streamers jumping into stocks, markets getting spooked to death over this virus, global supply chains being interrupted, the Feds pumping the markets desperately, and now this virus has decided to start going apeshit?

WHO declared this an international health emergency on January 22nd. WHO has YET to declare this a pandemic. We overtook the SARS death toll on February 9th, three weeks ago. People went nuts about SARS. According to Wikipedia in regards to Swine Flu, "Critics claimed the WHO had exaggerated the danger, spreading "fear and confusion" rather than "immediate information". The WHO began an investigation to determine whether it had "frightened people unnecessarily"'. So if WHO took flak for overselling Swine Flu in 2009, I would wager they are underselling COVID-19 now.
Did you watch that speech last night people? What about any of this is inspiring confidence? I don't want to imagine what the presser would be if the number of US cases went parabolic. Hell it might already have done so. This wouldn't be the first time the current administration has fudged numbers.
In just the last week:
Denmark, Estonia, Greece, North Macedonia, Georgia, Norway, Pakistan, Romania, Croatia, Austria, Brazil, Switzerland, Algeria, Afghanistan, Iraq, Oman, Kuwait, Bahrain, Israel all reported their FIRST cases.
Iran and Italy have gone parabolic. South Korea looks like its gonna hit China numbers from a month ago soon.
We have outpaced almost every historical example of a major pandemic BESIDES the 1918 Spanish Flu. Also this virus is matching the %2-%3 case-fatality ratio.
I'm buying puts out the ass across the next two months. Could this thing fizzle out and blow over in two months? Yes of course. Could this entire post be full of shit and age incredibly poorly by next week? Absolutely. But this sub isn't about investing its about white collar gambling. You have to take the odds when they are in your favor. An overextended market gets hit by an unprecedented external force? The odds have titled. It's time to lay down some fat fucking bets while it exists. Or keep throwing money stupidly at meme stocks and hoping SPCE moves 2 fucking points.
Edit 2: In the mere hours since I posted this gibberish, Kuwait, Switzerland, Iran, the UK, South Korea, Iraq, Finland, and Lebanon have reported more cases and deaths. Australia says pandemic inevitable, the US has its first case of unknown origin who wasn't tested for days, and Saudis Arabia just cancelled the fucking pilgrimage to Mecca and Medina. After a few hours sleep I feel even more confident in this assessment.


Sources:
https://www.pharmaceutical-technology.com/news/coronavirus-a-timeline-of-how-the-deadly-outbreak-evolved/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recession_of_1969%E2%80%9370
http://www.cidrap.umn.edu/news-perspective/2020/02/study-72000-covid-19-patients-finds-23-death-rate
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coronavirus_disease_2019
https://www.multpl.com/inflation-adjusted-s-p-500
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Severe_acute_respiratory_syndrome
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2009_flu_pandemic
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_flu
https://www.cdc.gov/flu/pandemic-resources/1918-pandemic-h1n1.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Influenza_A_virus_subtype_H2N2#Asian_flu
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1968_flu_pandemic
submitted by TheTrueVanWilder to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

Issue with IG Spread Betting - Any Experts Around? "Closing only: Market unavailable to open"

Hi,
Im looking for an experienced spread better on here that has tried multiple companies for spread betting.
I am having an issue with IG. Every juicy trade i try to jump on, is effectively blocked with error message " Closing only: Market unavailable to open".
I understand why. They of course have closed opens for the ticker because the trade is a scorcher and they are highly likely to loose ££.
I am wondering if this phenemomenon is just for IG and if i go through the effort of signing up and getting started with another one of the UK players, will i have the same issue or not?
Thanks all
submitted by gaz_0001 to UKPersonalFinance [link] [comments]

The “Fairytale” So Far - An Overview Of Current COVID-19 Statistical Understandings

Fairytales were arguably first created to terrify and traumatise children into conformity and submission to ‘fiat’ authority. Whether it‘s under the pretext of viruses, terrorism, evil empires or ‘racism’, the intent and effect are the same. Fear is the mind-virus, and truth is the vaccination, self-administered.
https://swprs.org/a-swiss-doctor-on-covid-19/
“The only means to fight the plague is honesty.” (Albert Camus, 1947)

Overview

  1. According to the latest immunological and serological studies, the overall lethality of Covid-19 (IFR) is about 0.1% and thus in the range of a strong seasonal influenza (flu).
  2. In countries like the US, the UK, and also Sweden (without a lockdown), overall mortality since the beginning of the year is in the range of a strong influenza season; in countries like Germany, Austria and Switzerland, overall mortality is in the range of a mild influenza season.
  3. Even in global “hotspots”, the risk of death for the general population of school and working age is typically in the range of a daily car ride to work. The risk was initially overestimated because many people with only mild or no symptoms were not taken into account.
  4. Up to 80% of all test-positive persons remain symptom-free. Even among 70-79 year olds, about 60% remain symptom-free. Over 95% of all persons develop at most moderate symptoms.
  5. Up to 60% of all persons may already have a certain cellular background immunity30610-3) to Covid-19 due to contact with previous coronaviruses (i.e. common cold viruses). The initial assumption that there was no immunity against Covid-19 was not correct.
  6. The median age of the deceased in most countries (including Italy) is over 80 years (e.g. 86 years in Sweden) and only about 4% of the deceased had no serious preconditions. The age and risk profile of deaths thus essentially corresponds to normal mortality.
  7. In many countries, up to two thirds of all extra deaths occurred in nursing homes, which do not benefit from a general lockdown. Moreover, in many cases it is not clear whether these people really died from Covid19 or from weeks of extreme stress and isolation.
  8. Up to 30% of all additional deaths may have been caused not by Covid19, but by the effects of the lockdown, panic and fear. For example, the treatment of heart attacks and strokes decreased by up to 60% because many patients no longer dared to go to hospital.
  9. Even in so-called “Covid19 deaths” it is often not clear whether they died from or with coronavirus (i.e. from underlying diseases) or if they were counted as “presumed cases” and not tested at all. However, official figures usually do not reflect this distinction.
  10. Many media reports of young and healthy people dying from Covid19 turned out to be false: many of these young people either did not die from Covid19, they had already been seriously ill(e.g. from undiagnosed leukaemia), or they were in fact 109 instead of 9 years old. The claimed increase in Kawasaki disease in children also turned out to be false.
  11. Strong increases in regional mortality can occur if there is a collapse in the care of the elderly and sick as a result of infection or panic, or if there are additional risk factors such as severe air pollution. Questionable regulations for dealing with the deceased sometimes led to additional bottlenecks in funeral or cremation services.
  12. In countries such as Italy and Spain, and to some extent the UK and the US, hospital overloads due to strong flu waves are not unusual. Moreover, this year up to 15% of health care workers were put into quarantine, even if they developed no symptoms.
  13. The often shown exponential curves of “corona cases” are misleading, as the number of tests also increased exponentially. In most countries, the ratio of positive tests to tests overall (i.e. the positive rate) remained constant at 5% to 25% or increased only slightly. In many countries, the peak of the spread was already reached well before the lockdown.
  14. Countries without curfews and contact bans, such as Japan, South Korea, Belarus or Sweden, have not experienced a more negative course of events than other countries. Sweden was even praised by the WHO and now benefits from higher immunity compared to lockdown countries.
  15. The fear of a shortage of ventilators was unjustified. According to lung specialists, the invasive ventilation (intubation) of Covid19 patients, which is partly done out of fear of spreading the virus, is in fact often counterproductive and damaging to the lungs.
  16. Contrary to original assumptions, various studies have shown that there is no evidence of the virus spreading through aerosols (i.e. tiny particles floating in the air) or through smear infections(e.g. on door handles or smartphones). The main modes of transmission are direct contact and droplets produced when coughing or sneezing.
  17. There is also no scientific evidence for the effectiveness of face masks in healthy or asymptomaticindividuals. On the contrary, experts warn that such masks interfere with normal breathing and may become “germ carriers”. Leading doctors called them a “media hype” and “ridiculous”.
  18. Many clinics in Europe and the US remained strongly underutilized or almost empty during the Covid19 peak and in some cases had to send staff home. Millions of surgeries and therapies were cancelled, including many cancer screenings and organ transplants.
  19. Several media were caught trying to dramatize the situation in hospitals, sometimes even with manipulative images and videos. In general, the unprofessional reporting of many media maximized fear and panic in the population.
  20. The virus test kits used internationally are prone to errors and can produce false positive and false negative results. Moreover, the official virus test was not clinically validated due to time pressure and may sometimes react positive to other coronaviruses.
  21. Numerous internationally renowned experts in the fields of virology, immunology and epidemiology consider the measures taken to be counterproductive and recommend rapid natural immunisation of the general population and protection of risk groups.
  22. At no time was there a medical reason30095-X/fulltext) for the closure of schools, as the risk of disease and transmission in children is extremely low. There is also no medical reason for small classes, masks or ‘social distancing’ rules in schools.
  23. The claim that only (severe) Covid-19 but not influenza may cause venous thrombosis and pulmonary (lung) embolism is not true, as it has been known for 50 years that severe influenza greatly increases the risk of thrombosis and embolism, too.
  24. Several medical experts described express coronavirus vaccines as unnecessary or even dangerous. Indeed, the vaccine against the so-called swine flu of 2009, for example, led to sometimes severe neurological damage and lawsuits in the millions. In the testing of new coronavirus vaccines, too, serious complications and failures have already occurred.
  25. A global influenza or corona pandemic can indeed extend over several seasons, but many studies of a “second wave” are based on very unrealistic assumptions, such as a constant risk of illness and death across all age groups.
  26. Several nurses, e.g. in New York City, described an oftentimes fatal medical mis­manage­ment of Covid patients due to questionable financial incentives or inappropriate medical protocols.
  27. The number of people suffering from unemployment, depressions and domestic violence as a result of the measures has reached historic record values. Several experts predict that the measures will claim far more lives than the virus itself. According to the UN 1.6 billion peoplearound the world are at immediate risk of losing their livelihood.
  28. NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden warned that the “corona crisis” will be used for the permanent expansion of global surveillance. Renowned virologist Pablo Goldschmidt spoke of a “global media terror” and “totalitarian measures”. Leading British virologist Professor John Oxford spoke of a “media epidemic”.
  29. More than 600 scientists have warned of an “unprecedented surveillance of society” through problematic apps for “contact tracing”. In some countries, such “contact tracing” is already carried out directly by the secret service. In several parts of the world, the population is already being monitored by drones and facing serious police overreach.
  30. A 2019 WHO study on public health measures against pandemic influenza found that from a medical perspective, “contact tracing” is “not recommended in any circumstances”. Nevertheless, contact tracing apps have already become partially mandatory in several countries.
submitted by secretymology to conspiracy_commons [link] [comments]

Video #25 - Daytrading - Spreadbetting Beginners Chris Chillingworth - YouTube CHARTS FOR SCALPING, Part 3 How to make a profit Spreadbetting - Spreadbet Beginner 3 Reasons Why I Lost Money Spreadbetting

When the Insight Support spread betting course was originally written years ago, I had no idea that it would become the most downloaded guide on Financial Spread Betting. To date, as I sit here updating the courseware, over 200,000 downloads of the free guide, from all over the world have been requested from the server. I strongly recommend this course and if your thinking of stating off in spread betting then this course is a must!!!. Scott McKenzie October 27, 2015 Swansea I've been truly impressed. UK 100 Rolling Cash: Spread: 6957.5 - 6958.3: How This Works: Now you can bet on the UK 100 Rolling Cash market going: Higher than 6958.3, or Lower than 6957.5 This is a Rolling spread betting market which means that there is no closing date for this spread bet. Learn Spread Betting: Training Course S tart by reading our Beginner’s Guide below to learn more about spread betting – the benefits, the rewards and the risks! You can go through this course from start to finish or you can navigate to the areas of this course that you are interested in. Spreadex offer a pretty unique proposition for UK and Ireland residents, combining sports betting and financial betting on one trading platform. Spreadex offers a 50p per stake option on a range of indexes including France 40, Spain 35, Netherlands 25, Swiss Index, Hong Kong 50 and Japan 225.

[index] [7418] [11971] [13756] [6673] [10214] [1823] [2310] [14433] [15017] [779]

Video #25 - Daytrading - Spreadbetting Beginners

Quick video to my subscribers about the methods I have used to achieve 34.8% in 2013 and 25% so far in 2014. More info at http://www.spreadbetbeginner.co.uk/... Financial-Spread-Betting.com is where betting and finance meets, on the trading floor. This is a place where we can inform, and educate little, and hopefully... Financial-Spread-Betting.com is where betting and finance meets, on the trading floor. This is a place where we can inform, and educate little, and hopefully... Chris Chillingworth is a Financial Spreadtrader, spreadbetting on UK/US shares and commodities. He keeps a trade diary at www.spreadbetbeginner.co.uk A day after releasing my new Spreadbetting Beginners Daytrading course I recorded my mornings trading in a members only video at http://www.spreadbetbeginner...